Longtime Denver Broncos kicker Jason Elam is exploring his aesthetic side these days and has penned a new novel in collaboration with his pastor, Steve Yohn. It’s called Ulysses and takes place over the course of a day in Ireland. No no, that’s the other greatest book of all time. Jason Elam’s is called Monday Night Jihad, and it’s a “pro-football-themed spy thriller about fighting terrorists.” Coincidentally, that’s exactly how Fred Thompson is pitching his foreign policy approach. MORE »

Although Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo is totally a shoe-in to become the next president, the nativist speedaholic is selflessly willing to put it all on the line with a World Series bet against Soxy colleague Mitt Romney. A spokesman for the Tancredo campaign (probably his dog or something) called ABC News this morning with a wager for Mitt Romney: If the Rockies lose the World Series then Tancredo will drop out, if the Red Sox lose then Romney will. It’s a charitable offer to Romney, whose pathetic campaigning has only landed him in first place in both Iowa and New Hampshire polls. The fool can’t recognize a good opportunity when it hits him square in the magic pajamas, and his campaign has rejected the offer. A deflated Tom Tancredo will resume betting on cockfights in the Mexico City underworld. MORE »

If you look closely at Blackwater’s website, you’ll see a slight change. It’s barely perceptible, but it is there. Apparently, in an attempt to soften its deadly cowboy ways, the outfit is changing its logo from a bear track in crosshairs of a rifle scope to a softer, less-butch version of the original that looks exactly like the Clemson Tigers logo. Well, almost. MORE »

Redskins offensive lineman Kili Lofuto won’t make today’s game in Green Bay. Turns out he spent the first part of Friday night getting tanked, roughing up some poor bastard and redecorating a restaurant we never heard of. The second half of the night he spent in jail. MORE »

“Could Joe Torre be going from the House that Ruth Built to the White House if he’s ousted by George Steinbrenner? Maybe, if Rudy Giuliani gets elected. In his new book, ‘The Undecided Voter’s Guide to the Next President,’ Time magazine editor-at-large Mark Halperin asked the leading presidential candidates whom they’d put in their Cabinet. Most refused, except for Giuliani, who gave one name: Torre.” [Page Six]

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, hanging out with the foreign secretary of Russia, was asked who she liked in Sunday’s Super Bowl. MORE »

Last night, the Washington Redskins held their annual Quarterback Club Player of the Year dinner. One lucky Wonkette Operative was there.

After the jump, George Allen provides a tenuous excuse for us to run this.

MORE »

From Deadspin comes news that Post columnist Tony Kornheiser, fresh off his couldn’t-be-worse-than-Dennis Miller debut as a Monday Night Football commentator, was a little bit pissed that the Post gave him the ol’ fingeroo in its review:

MORE »

MORE »

* Because it’s never too soon to talk about how having gays at the Easter Egg Roll will destroy the foundations of the nation. [GotDetroit?]
* To everyone who’s ever felt like the review of Def Leppard’s Hysteria that they wrote for their High School Newspaper was substandard, gaze on the writing of George Clooney, and take heart. [HuffPo]
* The Promise Keepers are apparently amassing an air force. [The Toilet Paper Blog]
* Who the fuck are we kidding. We know that you are all talking about something else today. [Deadspin]

* Yes, tipsters, we know all about how Jessica Cutler’s most famous sperm donor was in town, sporting a new “salt and pepper” beard, discussing something really boring, and, no, we don’t know if he’ll be out this weekend prowling for poontang and how much he’s willing to pay. Why not go get this sort of information from Jessica? I’m sure she’ll have something on her blog once she spits out this afternoon’s dicks. [Cleveland Plain Dealer] MORE »