Wonkette

Our pretend buddy and former colleague Will Leitch left the sports blog Deadspin last week. As he invented that popular website and has a reputation for being an agreeable human being — rare for the Internet — we were interested in his parting words. Here are some of them. MORE »

How adorable it was to see Barack Obama play basketball with the University of North Carolina men’s basketball team this week. But was it maybe, HMMM, an NCAA violation? MORE »

Barack Obama is trying to prove that he is a heterosexual male again, by playing sports. All we’re seeing is some hapless middle-aged guy playing children’s games when he should be talking about health care or jobs or whatever the hell else we don’t have in this country. Your sporting youth is over, has-been! You’re no Karl Malone or John Stockton or their biracial man-child! But Obama will never get over his high school glory days, and that is why he played basketball with the University of North Carolina’s failure of a college basketball team today. More photos of this pathetic mid-life crisis below. MORE »

At a pro-war rally Tuesday in DC held by the “Vets for Freedom” and featuring a glorious speech from John McCain, the most obvious pop culture connection to the current presidential race was finally made. By a racist, most likely. At least he is a tool, this David Bellavia who introduced John McCain, and here is what he said about the biracial liberal Democrats: “You can have your Tiger Woods. We have Senator McCain.” He means to say that we are supposed to prefer Senator McCain over Tiger Woods in some election, right? But who doesn’t love Tiger Woods more than this old coot? Anyway, video is after the jump. MORE »

Hillary Clinton is TOO liberal. Today her campaign released a statement — the first among a Major American Leader — saying President Bush should boycott the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics this summer because of China’s horrible human rights record (the cause of much protesty to-do these days). She is the biggest world leader to say this since German chancellor Angela Merkel. Unlike Merkel, however, Hillary Clinton is a loser and will never run a country. You can read Hillary’s hippie latte-drinking statement about “human rights” after the jump! MORE »

Former Virginia Sen. George “Macaca” Allen filled out an NCAA Tournament bracket, and it is pretty, and he will share it with the world! Allen, however, is incapable of performing even the simplest tasks without being comical. He predicts #5 seed Notre Dame will beat #12 George Mason, but that is way too politically risky for his already destroyed political career in Virginia. So he scribbles in the margin, “tho for George Mason,” so you know where his heart is. And for #7 Gonzaga versus #10 Davidson, he predicts Davidson, against all mathematical odds! To highlight this brilliant prophecy, he writes “upset pick” in the margin. It seems he’s using all this free time to finally pass the first grade. [Full-size here]

Here’s something you people will like: It’s a picture of presidential heartthrob Barack Obama, being gracefully athletic as he wins the Basketball Championship somewhere. It looks pretty realistic, this photograph! There is probably quite a story behind it — unfortunately, our tipster just sent us the picture. But you don’t care, you with your hands already up your own skirt.

UPDATE: We know where this photograph was taken … in Africa!

Every year about this time, America gathers together to watch commercials and drink beer as part of the “Super Tuesday Bowl,” which is an annual sporting contest between the Right Wing Militia Patriots and the New York Mets. Nobody knows the ultimate outcome, but people will be talking about the advertisements for several hours tomorrow! For example, did you see the one with the hot girl in underwear making a reference to the very sporting event you were watching? (See photo.) Also, Barack Obama bought some local ad time in a few places. How did this change politics forever? MORE »

Which do you care about more: football, or global warming? Since both of these are liberal conspiracies, the common answer is usually “freedom.” Nevertheless, the Environment America organization issued a press release today trying to relate to the “average American,” who cannot understand the concept of “the temperatures are always going up and we will soon melt” and need to be patronized with football references. We’ve scanned this fucker up-and-down for red flags, but now we have stopped and assume it’s real. It is called: “Could Global Warming Threaten the Patriots’ and Giants’ Edge?: Rising Temperatures Could Lessen Home Field Advantage Over Warm Weather Rivals.” MORE »

Presumably armed with a bag of pork rinds and a Styrofoam cooler of cheap beer, Rudy Giuliani attended Sunday’s NASCAR Nextel Cup Ford 400 race where he sputtered, spat and lisped about religious liberty, alternative fuels and A-Rod’s new contract. How did a Brooklyn-born kid get into NASCAR? Ask his third wife, Judith who apparently perfected her crazy-eyed 100-yard stare at many many NASCAR races. Giuliani a regular guy at NASCAR race [Palm Beach Post] MORE »