DC is the capital of many things, not just Virginia. For instance, it’s a major destination for senseless violence, and it’s also a “must-visit” for any tourist looking to snag a little “Capitol Hill Dome,” in exchange for a crack pebble. Yes, this is a miserable place. But sometimes — not often, but now and then — something magical happens. Like when three transvestites mug a woman, and then use her credit card to buy panties at Victoria’s Secret. Oh wait, this happened in Fredericksburg. Never mind. [Washington Examiner] MORE »

D.C.’s romance with blow began sometime in the late ’80s, a trend started by the Reagan Administration’s lavish White House cocaine socials featuring teenage boy-hookers and live performances by New Order. Fast-forward to 2009: D.C. is coked out beyond Oliver North’s wildest fantasies, except now all the delicious cocaine is mixed with baking soda and the entire Department of Homeland Security is infected with tuberculosis from sharing crack pipes in the office. [DCist] MORE »

• ASSHOLES FROM POLITICAL BLOG RUIN JOURNALISM, AMERICA: People go so insane over words, on the Internet. [DCist]

* Gay firefighter incensed by accusations of gayness. [DCist]
* “Another suspicious sign that we might be in the South is the way a lot of people talk.” [Used Wigs]
* “This is the most mean-spirited piece of legislation I have seen in my 30 years down here.” — Senate Majority Leader Richard L. Saslaw, D-Fairfax. [Below the Beltway]
* Customer, value, service? Care, volunteer, safety? [Eavesdrop DC]
* “Urban heat has been implicated in increased summer thunderstorm activity, but in the case of today’s snow, it means that we get less accumulation here downtown, as more of it tends to melt as it falls or after hitting the ground.” [Metroblogging DC]

* “Unfortunately, as a child and teenager, I took relatively little interest in how the world around me worked, and as a result, I was not instilled with an appreciation for holding pedantic stores of knowledge on semi-relevant subjects.” [who am i? why am i here?]
* The terrorists are winning. [DCist]
* “I put my dick in the applesauce, but just once, to try it.” [Arjewtino]
* Where the hell is Jeff Goldblum? [Brightest Young Things]
* “Did you know that old age kills more African-Americans than any
other ethnic group in DC?” [why.i.hate.dc]
* Konichiwa, bitches. [Metroblogging DC]

* Metro’s new general manager, John Catoe: “One thing that’s amazed me on my commute is the etiquette practiced by the customers during boarding. Everyone is very good about waiting for the train to unload before boarding. It is great to have that cooperation and it helps us keep the trains moving on time.” [Read Express]
* 1/3rd of DC is functionally illiterate. [Metroblogging DC]
* Sam Smith: “DCist, a website that provides Washington’s gentrifying class with superfluous aren’t-we-clever self-affirmation, dumped on a recent Washington Post article about gentrification in the city.” [City Desk]
* Little India in Woodley Park is not recommended, may have vermin infestation. [Rock Creek Rambler]
* Happy Bong Hits 4 Jesus Day, Kenneth Starr! [Big Sky Girl]

What happens when some twee accordion-indie band from Portland, Oregon, plays a NW bar on a dead Monday night before Thanksgiving? Nothing, really, but the group in question (Norfolk & Western) were unhappy enough to share their story on some Internet board. And then it ended up on DCist. And then 7,000 people left comments either dismissing Washington as a dangerous Third World crimeland filled with dangerous black people or dismissing the haters as racists who should all move to the Pacific Northwest where everybody is white and plays in a twee accordion-indie band.

We’ve collected a few highlights, which you’ll find after the jump.

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This blurry screengrab shows what we are nearly positive is one our very own DC Metro trains. After the jump, watch the extremely NSFW video from whence it comes.

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DCist: MORE »

* Going out drinking with interns? Better be ready for the consequences. [The Blonde Menace] MORE »

* If you can’t tax it, then God hates it. [Circle V] MORE »