Wonkette comrade Matt Welch tried to get across Logan Circle so he could buy, uh, dishwasher detergent at Whole Foods. Super snowy out there! Never forget! [YouTube]

The mean old plain-clothes cop who nearly massacred all DC Twitter-snowball people is in BIG TROUBLE for this shit, specifically for pulling a fucking LOADED GUN on some nerds throwing snowballs during a blizzard. “Assistant Police Chief Peter Newsham told reporters Monday that the detective has been placed on desk duty and his badge and weapon have been withdrawn.” The detective in question is a big dumb pussy who drives around in a Hummer. But Twitter users and ironic snowball “flash mobs” are still the lamest thing ever, so the plainclothes cop probably had “probable cause” to shoot maybe six of them, in the nuts. [Associated Press]

Yesterday, your Jim Newell announced DC’s gay-marriage-is-okay news with this caveat: “HOWEVER, while Father Congress is not expected to go all ‘Home Rule’ and block this sucker, we’re about 99.9% sure that one congressman or another representing some salty swamp in the middle of nowhere will make a half-assed attempt to ruin this, score a few points with the folks back home, etc.” Hmm, “salty swamp in the middle of nowhere,” where could that be? MORE »

The D.C. City Council has finally passed its bill to legalize gay marriage, hooray! Mayor Fenty is expected to sign it soon. HOWEVER, while Father Congress is not expected to go all “Home Rule” and block this sucker, we’re about 99.9% sure that one congressman or another representing some salty swamp in the middle of nowhere will make a half-assed attempt to ruin this, score a few points with the folks back home, etc. [Washington Post]

The world’s most crime-ridden capitol city, dirty old rat-filth Washington DC, won another hospitality award last night when the 22-year-old daughter of Senator Bob Corker (R-TN) got carjacked and thrown to the street by a couple of thugs. She’s okay, and police found both her Chevy Tahoe and “two suspects” in Maryland, but jesus. Last we heard from Julia Corker, she was making out with some other hot gal on the Facebook! Such innocent times, and now they are all gone, because of the Crime. [Washington Times/AP]

GOOD THING YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN A SEX POSITION: A polite congratulations offered from a distance to the city of Washington, D.C. today, which the CDC just named the country’s #1 gross hotspot for highest rate of STDs. D.C. STD rates are three times that of Virginia and four times that of Maryland. Who knew those Late Night Shots people were even still alive? [My Fox DC]

Oh boy we forgot today was the big September 11th Teabagger Festival, on September 12. It was probably wonderful. Look how this lady smiles, with her sign, about how Africans should not be anywhere near the White House. God Bless America, or at least the old white portion. [NineTwelvePhotos]

JOHN McCAIN cut himself (”down the highway” not “across the street”) after NAVY lost to Ohio State, at American collegiate football. Hardly a surprise, considering those dapper Navy midshipmen can’t even beat a bunch of dirty beatnik bookworms at croquet. Can you even begin to imagine how disastrous it would be if MIT challenged Navy to a game of MARIO KART? … MORE »

Books this week are all about devastation: There are a few about our economy and health care system, oh and one that is a chilling testament to the impossibly tragic early onslaught of ennui that befalls New York City private school kids every year. Plus, it is also the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, a terrible American disaster. MORE »

So, here’s the thing: many of last week’s Wrapped Up in Books featured events—like a few things at Politics & Prose, which was basically everything—actually correspond to this week. Calendars, right? Anyway, this is actually terrific news for anyone who regretted missing out on James Wood and Co. the first time, as this is one of those rare instances in which you get a second chance. History is a nightmare from which you can awake! MORE »

The delights of mid-August in Washington D.C. are innumerable, truly. Now add “America’s most controversial Saul Bellow-enthusiast James Wood,” “Helene Cooper,” and “other things” to this ever-growing list of available pleasantries. MORE »

“Quality, not quantity” is an epigram that’s in favor with people who realize that they do not have a sufficient amount of a thing. So, in maybe related news: why, look how many famous authors and Senators from California are in DC this week, peddling everything from memoirs to barely fictionalized romans a clefs about similarly named Senators from California! MORE »

Oh man it is August so soon, and to celebrate, famous socialist bookstore Politics & Prose has declined to schedule any readings this weekend. Less is more, right? Especially when it comes to actual events that usually exist. No worries, there are still weekday goings-on relating to chimerical war criminal Donald Rumsfeld and a special celebrity appearance by a fella who says he works for Joe Biden. MORE »

Washington DC teems with glamorous and exciting hotels, such as the Mayflower Hotel, where Eliot Spitzer once famously kept his socks on while he banged a cheaply tattooed former drug addict from New Jersey. The Watergate Hotel is sort of famous, too, for being next door to the Watergate office building. MORE »