How are you celebrating Jeff Goldblum and Bill Pullman’s victory over the aliens? Wonkette recommends indulging in such earthly freedoms as “third parties,” hallucinogens, and atypical products of M.F.A. programs! Ralph Nader will be around to answer your questions, and Reif Larsen will be around, to tactfully evade your advances. There’s also more, so much more. MORE »

METRO CRASH KILLS 2, 6, 9, INJURES 55 76: Red line trains smash up and stack up near the Ft. Totten Metro station, and emergency teams have reportedly just finished the “extraction.” Traffic jams, ambulances trying to get in and out, just avoid the whole area. Ugh. [WTOP/DCist]

Recall last summer: it was the summer of Joseph O’Neill’s Netherland, the most important book liked by people wearing the most important-looking glasses. It seems O’Neill has journeyed from that wire-rimmed menagerie of the psyche to Politics & Prose, where all such odysseys of the soul must, and do, eventually terminate. Plus, David Makovsky is a gentleman who will be arguing that some of the US’s terrible Middle East policies really came about because of “miscommunications.” Obviously this is terrific news, as it is written in the Social Contract that if a problem occurs because of a Miscommunication, alcohol or a lack of cell phone reception, then no party can be held accountable, for anything. Twitter.com/socialcontract (1762), by Rousseau. Look it up. MORE »

Hey DC-area commuters, help us out! We hear that two of them roadside “Expect delays now until forever due to construction”-type electronical signs were HACKED by HAXXORS, and displayed vulgar words to drivers this morning. (The signs are on the Virginia side of the Key Bridge and on eastbound Hain Bridge Road at the George Washington Memorial Parkway.) Here is the question: What were the naughty words? Because your local Fox News refused to show anything other than the mysterious word “MUDKIPZ!”. [MyFoxDC]

This is what the Ark would have looked like, if Noah had been an out gay man. MORE »

Since the early 1960s, there has been an annual rumor about the teevee program The Real World doing a season in Washington, which is a city known as the capital of America. And this year, FINALLY, the important MTV grunge “camgirl” show is really for real being videotaped right here in DC. But not everyone is thrilled beyond belief — one person, in fact, has bravely launched a free blog account about how maybe it would’ve been vv good had the entertainment cable show The Real World done a season in Washington maybe during some earlier year but definitely not this year because what is even up with that? [Anti-Real World DC]

Here’s some service-y journalism for you, so you can enjoy everybody else screaming and otherwise going nuts after midnight, when Air Force fighter jets begin a two-night assault on Washington’s fragile psyche. “A pair of F-16 fighter jets are scheduled to make periodic passes over downtown Washington at relatively low altitudes early tomorrow and again in the predawn hours Wednesday as part of a military exercise,” the Washington Post reports just late enough in the day for nobody to hear the news. Luckily nobody ever freaks out when huge scary low-flying roaring jets just pointlessly scare the shit out of everybody in the middle of the night. [Washington Post]

It is like college here in DC this week: there is an opportunity for free food that can be capitalized upon by pretending to be interested in the publication of something—plus a bonus Susan Sontag salon. Plus, that quintessential collegiate particular: fictitious tales about Brooklyn! MORE »

BIG THINGS on the DC book circuit this week. For instance: your third-favorite Wire personality George Pelecanos (after David Simon and Omar), in addition to Colon Whitehead! Plus, go check out the Arab-American Handbook: A Guide to the Arab, Arab-American & Muslim Worlds, the hotly anticipated fan-written prequel to Barack Obama’s bildungsroman, The Marx-Engels Reader: Die Träume Von Meinem Vater. MORE »

TONIGHT, D.C. SPARKLES! “Barack Obama loves our nation’s reporters in D.C. He made jokes about them, but at the end, he proved he cared about America’s Newspapers. This president may be a hero, after all.” [AOL Politics Daily]

There is a use for both your encyclopedic knowledge of arcane Greek mythology and your shameful mental repository of Lee Woodruff-centric minutia this week in DC, in the context of author events. It’s true! MORE »