Tag: dc

Coquettish Paul Ryan Done Playing Hard To Get, Ready To Give His Heart To Trump

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single Presidential candidate in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of an endorsement from a Speaker of the House.

Nice DC Security Guard Arrested Just For Roughing Up Trans Lady In The Bathroom, Unfair!

Hey, a person arrested for peeing while trans - and it wasn't the trans person!

Donald Trump, Paul Ryan Is Not That Kind Of Girl!

Despite the obvious chemistry, Paul says he is not the kind of Speaker who goes in for party unification on the first date, and is withholding his endorsement until he gets flowers.

Your Aborted Baby Will Go To Heaven And Play Harps For Huggy Jesus

It must have been tough to make fun of televangelists on the regular back in the day. You could probably only watch three or four of them a weekend, tops, before you'd get blackout drunk or blow your brains...

Maryland Rep Opposes DC Statehood Because Of All These Facts He Just Made Up

You know what would be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thing for the country? If Washington DC, the only part of the continental United States that currently gets no actual say in the legislative branch of government, got full...
Love, America

Congress Reaches New Levels of Suckitude With Funding Bill: A Wonksplainer

A few years ago, Congress got rid of earmarks because of corruption. In Jurassic Park, we learned that nature will find a way. In the same vein, our GOP overlords in Congress are teaching us that corruption will find...

What Is Washington DC? A Wonksplainer Just For You, Jeb!

For a man applying for public housing in DC for the next four to eight years, Jeb Bush sure does seem to loathe it with the passion of a thousand low-energy suns. As a privileged son-and-brother-of-a-president golden-spoon-bred asshole, he gives zero...
Definitely winning

GOP Senate Says Obama Must Make Sweet Love To America’s Oil Lobbyists, Or Else

Republicans formally took control of the United States Senate on Tuesday, free at last to indulge in their love of sweet, sweet, crude and its associated lobbyists -- a love that has been forbidden by their overly-strict totalitarian dad, Barack...

Great And Powerful John Boehner Rises From Ashes Of Tea Party Tantrum

America's sweetheart, John Boehner, vanquished his enemies on Tuesday afternoon, retaining his cartoonishly oversized gavel and kicking off another two years of publicly losing control of his caucus. In addition to avoiding Steve Scalise whenever there's a camera around, Boehner will...

Wonkette Lifeboat: Your Hope-Enabling Election Results

Wednesday was one long day of avoiding the news, Wonketteers, and we understand if you've been busy numbing your pain by shopping for shoes or guzzling dark-colored liquors, but we would be remiss if we didn't draw your attention...

Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?

Our great nation is in danger of falling under the influence of Reefer Madness this Election Day, with weed-related ballot questions in three states plus that fake state the "District of Columbia." America, what has gotten into you? It's almost like rational adults started interpreting...

Blind Item! What Coupled-Up DC ‘Journalist’ Guy Is Hitting On Chicks And Then Standing Them Up?

Blind item! Gossipy thing! Drudge siren! Which blatantly coupled-up DC "journalist" guy (just kidding about the "journalist" part) is going around hitting on DC women, and then standing them up? We wonder if you will ever be able to...

Secession Is The New Orange, Which Is The New Black: Maryland Edition

Man, what is it with Republicans whining about not getting everything they want, up to and including a pony for their birthday and a tiara? It’s like the party has been taken over by a bunch of 4-year-olds who...

ShockerScandalBreakingAndWhatNot! DC Rep Eleanor Holmes Norton Asks Someone For Money (In 2010)!

We were pretty sexcited to listen to this audio recording of DC's congresswoman, Eleanor Holmes Norton, being "brazen" and "corrupt" and asking for "bribes." From 2010. Which we laughed at when Andrew Breitbart first breathlessly posted it. Which The...

Gawker Got This Drunkest DC Intern Tip EVER, And All We Got Was Eight Million Emails About Cookies

This is what the tipline is for, fuckheads. Maybe try to USE IT.

DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart’s Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home

Here is a number that has put District of Columbia Mayor Vincent C. Gray in the unenviable position of deciding who writes legislation for his city -- Wal-mart, or the democratically elected city council: 12.50. See, the D.C. council, interested in...