david vitter

Hey ladies. You know how the GOP is all wanting you to like them? And not just like them, but like them like them, because of how you are all slutty whoremonsters who vote for Democrats? Well, the Wisconsin State Assembly GOP Majority Leader is seeking to give ‘women’s outreach’ his personal touch. Unfortunately, he […]

Even though our Kenyan Dictator B. Barry Bamz was re-crowned only last year, it is already time to start thinking about the next Presidential election, which also means it is still time to stab ourselves in the eye with a spork everytime Chris Cillizza soils the pages of the Washington Post with the latest meaningless […]

In a move immediately deemed “good for comedy,” Sen. David Vitter announced today that he will run for governor of Louisiana in 2015. Since Bobby Jindal is term-limited, Vitter will only have to run against less well-known Republicans in the primaries, and already has a pantsload of money to begin campaigning with — even before […]

Hi there, and welcome to our newest episode of David Vitter Is Being A Dick Again. We know you’ve all been breathlessly awaiting this, as you’ve been on cliffhanger tenterhooks: will he be whining about how there is not enough sweet government cash coming into Louisiana even though he doesn’t believe in government cash going […]

You know what sucks about being an American? When the big bad government steps in and says that you have to treat all people the same, even if they are not like you. First, they came for our lunch counters, and now they are coming for our discrimination against gays. Luckily, there are some patriotic […]

Cory Booker, welcome to the Senate. On a day better known for scary costumes, you are one good-looking piece of eye-candy that we are very excited to see more of! And you were sworn in by the only man in the Senate we would like to bone more harder, Old Handsome Joe Biden, playing his […]

We here at Wonket love… no, we luurrrvvveee hypocrisy. It feeds us, sustains us, amuses us, and gives us a reason for getting up every morning… that and whiskey. And there is no better source of hypocrisy than Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), who has once again taken a break from putting his ‘family values’ wenis […]

After sleeping and dreaming of Canadians stabbing our ears with nasal whining, we unfortunately woke up to Ted Cruz still rambling on the teevee, somewhat incoherently, about how Obamacare is the love child of a threesome between the Plague, Hitler’s mustache, and Nickleback. Because we hate ourselves and love Our Glorious Reader all too much, […]

We will give the Angry Southerners of the Neo-Confederate “League of the South” credit for this much: They are persistent! As we mentioned in our last Deleted Comments Roundup, they were not pleased at all with our coverage of their upcoming protest against being genocided to death by the Federal Gummint. They took particular umbrage […]

Oh, Sen. David Vitter (R-Whore House), we heart you soooooo much. No, really, we do. You are, in fact, our very favorite diapers-wearing john in the whole Senate. While some politicians might slink away from the public eye in disgrace after getting busted for patronizing professional women of the night (you know, paying hookers for […]

In breaking news-that-shouldn’t-be-news, a Republican Senator has publicly stated that he will help constituents if they call asking for help about a federal program! Ticker-tape parade! Balloons! A spread of the finest Ritz crackers and Costco-brand cheeses in all the land! Who is this brave Republican who will seek to actually help the people who […]

Everyone’s favorite Jewish grandmother, Chuck Schumer, has been banging on for a few weeks about how he wanted the Gang of Eight’s immigration reform bill to get 70 votes in the Senate. To which we say halavai, Chuck Schumer! But if your bill should only get 60 votes, that will have been sufficient to pass. […]

Germany is Europe’s Brooklyn’s Williamsburg before Williamsburg got too Williamsburg: good beer, they make cool stuff, not too expensive. So it’s not surprising that budget-conscious culture vulture Barack Obama wanted to pop in and thrill a few legs after another lame G8 summit in London where everybody was so “concerned” about everything and oh look […]

Guestblogger DDM here, again, to splain how Sen. Vitter is being a total dick.  Sometimes Congresscritters, because of their nature, decide to be total dicks, just for funzies. Since 2011, the GOP has found a secret stash of dickatude, so they are busily being dicks all over the place. Let’s explore one example: Sen. Vitter (R-RedLight District) […]

ohforfuckssake we cannot believe we are going to have to write about Obamaphones again. Everybody – and we mean EVERYBODY – has debunked the myth that these phones are just a giveaway to lazy shiftless welfare peoples AND explained that the program started with Saint Reagan. Apparently David Vitter didn’t get the memo, though, because […]