Tag Archives: david petraeus

 

HaHa David Petraeus Won’t Be Running For President In 2012 Now

Barack Obama has supposedly chosen David Petraeus as new commander of the U.S. forces in Afghanistan, even though John McCain made Petraeus faint last week at the Capitol. So no David Petraeus for President in 2012. This has been a Wonkette 2012 Update. [AP] Read more on HaHa David Petraeus Won’t Be Running For President In 2012 Now…
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John McCain Nearly Bores David Patraeus To Death

Mummified windbag John McCain was jabbering his usual nonsense during a Senate Armed Services hearing today when star witness General David Petraeus just keeled over. Why does McCain hate the Troops? Read more on John McCain Nearly Bores David Patraeus To Death…
 

Fancypants Gen. Petraeus Gets Promotion, It’ll Be Steaks For Dinner Tonight!

David Petraeus is the only General in the military anymore, so when any new General’s Job opens, he has to take it. Defense Secretary Bob “I Exist?” Gates today promoted Petraeus to head U.S. Central Command (a.k.a. CENTCOM, BWAH BWAH!), leaving Iraq in the hands of Lt. Gen. Raymond Odierno. Expect MoveOn.org to rename this new guy something like “Odier? NO!” in the coming weeks. [Reuters] Read more on Fancypants Gen. Petraeus Gets Promotion, It’ll Be Steaks For Dinner Tonight!…
 

Joe Biden Was Extremely Horny Yesterday

Yeah yeah, so Barack Obama had some silly little questions about battles at yesterday’s Senate hearings. The little twerp and his Columbia/Harvard “policy” doublespeak. The real tuff questions were asked by Senate Foreign Relation Committee chairman Joe Biden, the “Chris Matthews of the Senate.” Namely — tell me about all kissing going on in Iraq, General Petraeus? Is it hot and can I get some? Read more on Joe Biden Was Extremely Horny Yesterday…
 

Hillary Clinton Asks Her Dumb Little ‘Questions’ About Iraq

Hillary Clinton pretended to be a senator during this morning’s Armed Services Committee hearings with Gen. David Petraeus and U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker. She asked him all sorts of questions about why Barack Obama is so dumb. That, and Iraq. Look at how seriously she speaks! She is such a Tuff Guy sometimes, especially when David Petraeus starts shooting at her with snipers. And if you want to see her introductory speech, it is after the jump. She is very serious in that one too! Does America was a serious president, or John McCain? Read more on Hillary Clinton Asks Her Dumb Little ‘Questions’ About Iraq…
 

Wonkette Operatives Cover Petraeus Hearing On Capitol Hill!

A reader writes, “Did you check out Dana Milbank of the Washington Post‘s antics two rows over Petraeus’s right shoulder during his opening statement? Squirming, standing, twisting, straining to read the Code Pink banners, paying no attention to any of Petraeus’s comments about life and death nor the situation on the ground in Iraq – just making a complete and utter nuisance and distraction of himself?” Why yes, yes we did — we believe he was even caught on film. [Photo via NYT] Read more on Wonkette Operatives Cover Petraeus Hearing On Capitol Hill!…
 

Wait, People Are Quoting Petraeus Now?

Nutters send us angry e-mails every day, all day long, so it takes something special to really get our attention — usually, untreated schizophrenia is a great way to “make it” on Wonkette. But today, we offer you a glimpse into a secret and very tiny world … a world in which people, without irony, quote David Patraeus in their email sigs: Read more on Wait, People Are Quoting Petraeus Now?…
 

Shocker: More than 44 Congressional Dems who voted to condemn MoveOn.org took cash from MoveOn.org! Before MoveOn.org did the thing that they are now condemning them for… so all of these Dems are hypocrites! Or they are refreshingly not beholden to their campaign contributers, whichever one makes for a better Politico exclusive. Well, in this case, it can be both. Isn’t ginned-up false outrage fun? THEY CALLED GENERAL PETRAEUS A MEAN NAME. And what the hell is going on in the illustration, guys? [Politico] Read more on …
 

Partly Cloudy With Chance of Shame

This week, General Petraeus, James Carville, Wesley Clark, Donald Rumsfeld, Henry Kissinger, Sam Brownback, and Mary Cheney were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on Partly Cloudy With Chance of Shame…
 

Day Two of the Betray-Us Hearings

There are more hearings with Petraeus and Crocker today?? Didn’t we solve the war in Iraq yesterday?? It’s 9/11! We wanted to observe like a day-long moment of silence but apparently we’re supposed to be paying attention to this congress stuff. Anyway — Biden is being a dick, like usual. But not really that blowhardy! Chris Dodd was at Walter Reed talking to a kid who lost an eye… apparently yesterday was for Petraeus to give his report, by him, that he wrote, about how things are improving, slowly, and today is for Democrats with big hair to shout abuse at him. Then the war will go on forever and ever and ever until President Socks Clinton announces that Iraq is stable and we can retreat to our huge permanent military base there. To watch for today: Read more on Day Two of the Betray-Us Hearings…
 

Checking In With the Petraeus Report

* Obnoxious Code Pink protesters have been causing scenes and then getting escorted out about every 20 minutes. Duncan Hunter called them assholes because he thought his mic was turned off! * Petraeus’s mic didn’t work, and then it did, and then we got bored listening to him. * Someone claims Ike Skelton (D) told some other Rep to go fuck himself but we didn’t hear that. * Ryan Crocker reports that Saddam Hussein liked to torture people. Also Iraq had no Nelson Mandela. * The last protester was really shouty. Read more on Checking In With the Petraeus Report…
 

This is General Petraeus’s testimony, that he wrote, all by himself, without help. By David Petraeus. Also it’s v hot in Iraq.
 

It’s Petraeus Time!

Are you are as PSYCHED for David Petraeus’s Congressional testimony as we are? We are AMPED for some mild reservations about decreasing our troop presence! We are JONESING for some declarations of SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS. Let’s GRADUALLY ROLL BACK THE SURGE AFTER GIVING IT A FEW MORE MONTHS TO WORK, PEOPLE!Graphic from MoveOn via Copyranter Read more on It’s Petraeus Time!…
 

Daily Briefing: One Billy On Dollars

* Hank Paulson carries the budget flag up to the hill, and by the end of the day is looking for an ATM to fully fund every program. [WP] * President Bush has a sense of Morissettian irony over the Senate’s support of Gen. David Petraeus while opposing the surge. [WP] * Luckily, Robert Gates has a back-up to the back-up plan. [LAT] * Thanks to Walnuts, Ill Hill, and Barry Hussein the ’08 election will likely cost over a billion dollars. [WP] * MPAA uses actor from West Philadelphia to illustrate their blue-collar base. Patrick Leahy really liked The Queen. [NYT] * Military wants civilian agencies to “step up” and “get ‘r done” in Iraq. [NYT] * Which six states want to expand death penalty powers? Exactly the ones you think. [USAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: One Billy On Dollars…
 

Rag-Tag Group of Misfits to Win War, Learn Important Lesson

Gen. David H. Petraeus, the new U.S. commander in Iraq, is assembling a small band of warrior-intellectuals — including a quirky Australian anthropologist, a Princeton economist who is the son of a former U.S. attorney general and a military expert on the Vietnam War sharply critical of its top commanders — in an eleventh-hour effort to reverse the downward trend in the Iraq war. Read more on Rag-Tag Group of Misfits to Win War, Learn Important Lesson…