Man, last night all the haters were hating on the Post for breaking the astonishing news that the nice rich lady with important friends had decided not to demand a lifelong appointment to the House of Lords after all. Well, now your precious MSM liberal gray lady of record, the New York Times, says the same thing, so it’s official: Caroline Kennedy will be roasted and eaten by David Paterson, with mint jelly, for lunch. MORE »

When this BREAKING NEWS broke 40 minutes ago, Caroline Kennedy was dropping out of the whole “You know, I am famous, politically, so anoint me senator” deal for “personal reasons.” Ha, and now it turns out (according to the New York Post, which is apparently correct) the “reason” was she wasn’t the “person” Paterson will choose to run out Hillary Clinton’s term in the Senate. MORE »

• Here is your Sarah Palin 2009 glamour porn calendar with “pre-drilled holes” to more easily hatefuck it. One more year! One more year! [Marc Ambinder]
• David Paterson is fighting secret name-calling wars with Caroline Kennedy (of the prestigious Sulzberger family) via the New York Post. [Ben Smith]
• The identity of “Individual D” in the Blaggy thing has been uncovered: it’s Raghuveer Nayak, some billionaire whose money was of interest to Blaggy, and the only name in the world that will be copied and pasted and not spelled out a higher percentage of the time than “Rod Blagojevich.” [Top of the Ticket]
• Here is Dick Cheney, being saucy and continuing to send his ill-wishes, unprovoked, to Dark Knight star Patrick Leahy. [CNN Political Ticker]
• The type of shoe that Throwy Journalist tossed at George Bush is now a best-seller! The economy is saved forever, etc.! [Hit & Run]

BLACK GOVERNOR IS RACIST FOR NOTING PALIN’S RACIST ATTACK ON ‘COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS’: What would the GOP do without black people to call racist? [Gawker]

This David Paterson guy is a real piece of work. First he admits that when his marriage hit a rough patch he dated other women, instead of engaging the services of a high-dollar prostitute like any normal politician. And now instead of vehemently denying he knows anything about drugs he says he did them once, in his impetuous youth! MORE »

We are liking this Governor Paterson fellow a whole lot. Not only does he make hilarious cracks about lobbyist whores, he openly admits to having affairs while serving in the New York State Senate. We are only sorry that he and his wife seem to have mended fences and will not be having any more affairs any time soon. But but but! Not one but TWO Spitzer officials say that one of the gals he used to romance now “works under” the new governor of New York. MORE »

David Paterson got off to a hot start to his hours-long New York governorship tonight by telling the New York Daily News that he had an affair with a lady for years. But how could he even know what he was doing — maybe he thought he was meeting Eliot Spitzer at a T.G.I. Friday’s, and couldn’t tell the difference? Well, he confessed, so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that he is not making up this affair. What points will you need for cocktail hour this morning at your job? MORE »

The new guy, the blind New York governor who isn’t even the nation’s first blind governor, he has also had sex affairs with ladies who were not his wife — or at least he thinks he had such affairs. Maybe it was just his wife after all. He’s blind, remember? Moments after being sworn in after the other adulterer had to quit, latest-Governor David Paterson told the NY Daily News that he likes sleeping around, too! Oh, and it gets better, because his wife also has affairs. Shocking additional revelations will be posted in just a few minutes. [NY Daily News]

What Canadians call “L’affaire Spitzer” had one very happy patriotic outcome, in that America finally put its racism and misogyny behind it just long enough to say, “Yes We Can have a blind governor, in New York, as long as he isn’t democratically elected or anything.” And just like that, we had a blind governor, David Paterson. But what if the whole thing was a terrible fraud? MORE »

Everybody knew 2008 would be a very historic year for various genders and races becoming president, but little did we expect that all of our “melting pot” dreams would come true so soon, and so sweetly. Americans can stand up and feel proud, for we have our first blind governor! MORE »

New York’s Lieutenant Governor, David Paterson, will take over for Eliot Spitzer as of Monday and retain the post until he is discovered by the FBI in the walk-in freezer of the Albany IHOP, trussed and ball-gagged by a hooker in a Batman suit. Paterson, a scion of his father’s Harlem political machine, has fluked his way upward into increasingly important posts, despite dad’s occasional lack of support. Now he is the luckiest man in New York (except for Joe Bruno). Follow us on Paterson’s magical journey through the halls of New York power! MORE »