Tag Archives: David Pakman

  also 'the jews'

Wingnuts Can’t Even Agree On Best Way To Hate Fags Anymore

As we at Wonkette are obviously a pro-family, conservative Christian news establishment, we long for the days when Americans of all stripes could come together to show our mutual disdain for the Homosexican Agenda, but now that ‘Murka has gone and voted for the black guy again, our coalition is broken and fractured, to the point that we cannot even agree on the best way to hate the gayness. Marry, fuck, kill? Marry, fuck, kill?! Wait, that is a different game. Here, the argument is “Should we just kill them, or should we try to perform exorcisms on them first?” The wonderful and dashing David Pakman decided to devote a segment of his radio programme to allowing wingnuts to duke it out on this very question the other day. In one corner, we have former Navy Chaplain Gordon Klingenschmitt, who lyingly lies that he was kicked out of the Navy for praying to Jesus in public, and who believes that animals become gay when human gays put Lady GaGa demons in their butts, so he’s obviously arguing for the Bobby Jindal approach to this whole problem. On the other side is Jonathan Phelps, of the Westboro Phelpses, who has slightly less shame and supports a much more Ugandan solution to gayness. Read more on Wingnuts Can’t Even Agree On Best Way To Hate Fags Anymore…
  the homosexuals!

Everyone Boycotting Everything For Gayness and Jesus Purposes

ACTION ALERT! You may not be aware that there are products and services you are supposed to be boycotting right now, so your Wonkette reporter of homosexuals is here to save the day! Things used to be much simpler, back when the American Family Association was boycotting McDonald’s for their excessive gayness, by leaving hilarious comments on the internet about how their Real ‘Murkan families didn’t NEED no Big Macs, and could just suck their trans fats through a straw, like Jesus taught them in the Bible. However, this summer, things are Complicated, because everybody is boycotting everything, due to Too Many Gays, Not Enough Gays, Gays in France, Lesbian Carpenters, Gays on Skates, and of course, Messicans. So, let’s see if we can help everybody out with a handy guide! Read more on Everyone Boycotting Everything For Gayness and Jesus Purposes…