• New stimulus money is maybe on the way! This time they are calling it “an extension of the first stimulus package” and it does not care for nicknames. [New York Times]
• The U.S. gave Pakistan $1.5 billion/year, for the next five years, simply to stop doing a thing: namely, supporting terrorism. [New York Times]
• Obama’s headed to the counter-terrorism part of downtown McLean to hand out new offensive and defensive plays. [Washington Post]
• David Letter apologized to his wife, on television! How could she not trust something produced by the staff of the David Letterman Show? [CNN]
• How did our gal Sotomayor do yesterday, on Supreme Court opening day? She WON with 36 questions asked, and Scalia only batting 30. [LA Times]
• The International Energy Agency asked for a suggested donation of $10 trillion dollars over the next ten years. This is adorable. [WSJ]

• Obama gets a gold medal in the prestigious Kindly Requesting The Olympics For Chicago While In Denmark event. [New York Times]
• David Letterman slept with some people on his staff and some other lady turned around and performed extortion on him! [New York Times]
• Some ex-prosecutor on the Roman Polanski case now admits that he made a bunch of shit up for some documentary about Polanski. [CNN]
• Iran has agreed to start outsourcing its uranium to other countries for enriching purposes. (David Letterman’s intern is now extorting Iran.) [WSJ]
• GE and Comcast might go halvies on NBC Universal-ownership. Everyone should please check with Tina Fey to make sure this is doable, plotwise, before doing anything. [Reuters]
• When the Labor Dept. releases its unemployment report on Friday, America might tie some 1983 unemployment Olympic record. USA! [AP]

Here is Howard Kurtz, official professional media critic of both the Washington Post and CNN, doing some important, trenchant analysis, as one would expect of all esteemed journalistic savants in his position: Twittering snide, resentful barbs about the level of difficulty in television comedian David Letterman’s questions to Barack Obama last night, on the Late Show. David Letterman clapped when his guest Barack Obama came onstage, guys! Howard Kurtz shall grade this human’s journalistic skills as an “F-”, he will. Tut tut, Letter-man! [Howard Kurtz/Twitter]

What are the PUMAs up to, and why? It is the impossible question. Have they uncovered new evidence of Obama campaign voter suppression (sexism) in some early caucus state? Maybe they’ll do that next week. For now, they’re at the forefront of the “Anti-David Letterman Movement,” which you may have suspected after watching that funny protest video yesterday. One of their blogs, “HillBuzz,” — hint: it’s not named after Barack Obama! — made the comical photoshop above along with many others, each one for companies that advertise with the David Letterman show. If these companies don’t cancel their contracts with CBS, the logic goes, then they will be considered Willow-rapers too. And it appeared earlier in the day as though the PUMAs succeeded in persuading the Olive Garden to cancel, but… no. MORE »

There are doubtless a billion YouTubes out there already about the half-dozen loons who stood outside David Letterman’s studio yesterday and complained about how “he rapes children with his mouth,” but this one looked good to us. You might laugh, but stop and think a minute: did they succeed in getting Letterman fired or not? Exactly. [Daily Intel]

Christ, it’s not like there’s any election going on, when this public celebrity nonsense sometimes can matter, for a few hours, but here we are finally getting all intrigued-like over some snit on Todd & Sarah Palin’s Facebook page about a baseball sex joke David Letterman made on television one night. What’s going on now. Letterman apologized again last night for making whatever joke, a monologue quickie, that Sarah Palin pretended to interpret as pervert code for “I’m gonna rape your 14-year-old Willow daughter.” Now Palin has “accepted” Letterman’s lengthy apology with one of the more obnoxious statements in her endless, vapid, snarling canon. MORE »

Did you know David Letterman made a perfectly normal political-scandal joke last week about famous human whore “A-Rod” possibly impregnating Alaskan Anger Bear Wingnut Sarah Palin’s famous teen-pregnancy daughter while Sarah Palin was at Yankee Stadium? MORE »

How many daughters does Sarah Palin have? Like fourteen? Well, David Letterman made a CRUDE REMARK about one of them, apparently intending to refer to the oldest one ( “Bridgeport”) but inadvertently referring to the middle one ( “Jester”). And voila just like that a harmless “gals is always gettin’ pregnant” joke turned into a “isn’t it hilarious when 14-year-olds get raped by baseball stars” joke, so he had to apologize for that. Ugh. Everybody just needs to wash out their minds with soap — Ivory soap, the soap of virgins. [Political Ticker]

Here’s a preview of former Illinois Gov. “Rod” Blagojevich on tonight’s episode of the David Letterman show. This may have been a step too far for Blago — in case you forgot, he has a real trial coming up, for “criminal” charges — because Letterman at 89 years old is still rather deft at asking certain folks, in the most awkward of ways, why they would appear on his show with 2-ton bindles of bullshit slung over their shoulders. [YouTube]

Do we have to watch this? All the way through? Tragically, the answer is Yes. We must all watch John McCain say “I screwed up” to a late-night comedy host. MORE »

We will miss this clown, Sarah Palin, when she’s sent back to Alaska. Ha, not really. Oh, and after the jump, this discombobulating thing from Harry Shearer. MORE »