Tag: david brooks

He gets cranky when he has the sniffles

Loser Donald Trump Can’t Stop Crying Over What A Big Loser He Is

Donald Trump blames everybody but himself for how he's losing like such a sad, weak loser right now.
David Brooks, serious typist for the Times

David Brooks Would Like Young Black Football Players To Stop Kneeling On His Lawn

Won't somebody please think of the white people?
P.S. They ARE crackpots

Devil Hillary Clinton Deviously Rigging Elections For Paul Ryan Now, Probably

God, Hillary, will you stop at NOTHING?
And we're going to reclaim 'Tea Party' for girls, dammit

Let’s Take A Breather And Treat Ourselves To The Whimsical Stylings Of Maureen Dowd, Oh Sweet Jesus

Maureen Dowd ate another pot brownie and had a fever sex dream about Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton. It was a very stupid fever sex dream.

David Brooks Thinks Hillary Clinton Needs A Hobby

What should Hillary Clinton's hobby be? Knitting, or genocide?
NOPE!

Ted Cruz’s Allegedly Excellent Penis Adventures, Ew Gross. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Oh hey, WANKERS. It's time for your Saturday morning cocktail hour top ten list! And ugh, yeah, we sure did learn way more about what Ted Cruz's penis may or may not have done this week, and those stories...

Please Enjoy The Slow But Steady Unraveling Of David Brooks

We've been eagerly covering the complete mental disintegration of not one, but two, esteemed columnists at the paper of record lately. Both David Brooks, America's least intellectual public intellectual, and Ross Douthat, a freshman term paper on Opus Dei...

Elizabeth Warren Castrates Trump, David Brooks Still Sucks. It’s Your Weekly Top Ten!

Oh hey, Wonkettigentsia, what are you doing? Hmmmm, OK not sure we're interested in hearing about how sexy it is to collect stamps and magnets with your cats, so we'll just pretend you didn't understand that for the rhetorical...

Starbucks Bravely Kind Of Sort Of Speaks Out Against Trump A Little Bit

Guess which corporation is throwing its hat into the 2016 political thunderdome?! OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH, it's Starbucks, geared up and ready to take a stand ... for vague, pleading platitudes that don't involve calling anyone out by name, if you don't...

David Brooks Realizes He Is Terrible At His Job

Having found himself alone in a bar at closing time, with no Republican candidate even coyote ugly enough to drag his sad stumbling ass home, New York Times columnist David Brooks at long last admits defeat. His boyhood crush on...
Answers is tough and is not my favorite.

Marco Rubio Pulls Out Stunning Second Place Win In Florida, Quits GOP Race Like Loser He Is

Marco Rubio, goddamned loser that he is, lost the Florida primary, and his campaign is SO over, bro. Rubio told his supporter(s) he was suspending his campaign Tuesday night, after every news organization in the universe simultaneously punched him...

Ross Douthat Hopes GOP Convention Will Save GOP From Terrifying Trump Monster

Oh god, what must it be like to be a self-styled moderate Republican writing for the New York Times right now? In another era, you'd have been to the manor born, but instead you are required to bang out...

Sad Drunk David Brooks Doesn’t Have To Go Home, But He Can’t Stay Here

Poor deeply depressed David Brooks. The New York Times columnist continues his embarrassing public display of utter despair at the decline of his beloved Republican Party, with this drunken rant from a bar: It’s 2 a.m. The bar is closing....

Ross Douthat Knows Donald Trump Is Totally Obama’s Fault

It has brought us no end of joy to watch the GOP try to run away from Donald Trump, pretending that particular monster is not the fruit of their own racist, sexist, and rage-filled loins. (Ewww. We just grossed ourselves...

Marco Rubio Is A Lot Like Harry Potter, And All These Other Fictional Characters

Did you know Marco Rubio is exactly like Harry Potter? Well, apart from the whole "Harry Potter wins in the end" thing. And the "Harry Potter is a sympathetic character" thing. And the "Harry Potter isn't a sad, annoying...

Who Will Save The Babies Now That Antonin Scalia Is Roasting In Hell?

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (or "Anthony" Scalia if you are a moron, like Michele Bachmann) died Saturday night, when his heart quite suspiciously up and quit, as if a 79-year-old with health problems suddenly dying out of the blue is even...