Tag Archives: david brooks

  Must Be A Day Ending In Y

Literally Every Sentence David Brooks Says About Paris Shootings Is Wrong (VIDEO)

David Brooks Is Wrong
Sometimes David Brooks says things that are true or correct. However, this does not occur in the above clip from Meet the Press, a popular television fiasco. Not even once! Can we divide David Brooks’ clump of TV words into complete sentences and explain why each of them is wrong? We can. Read more on Literally Every Sentence David Brooks Says About Paris Shootings Is Wrong (VIDEO)…
  the civility war

David Brooks Too Delicate To Read Internet Comments

If you’re a top-flight columnist, you get some perks in addition to a flattering photo next to your byline, like interns and assistants and stuff, people who can take care of the boring details that might get in the way of your creative genius. Or if you’re David Brooks, they take care of the boring details that get in the way of writing whatever blandly conservative-tinged both-sides-need-to-be-reasonable twaddle you’re slopping together today. And thanks to an interview with Katie Couric on the Yahoo News, we learn today that Our Mister Brooks doesn’t read the online comments on his columns, because they’re just too painful: “I used to read them, but it was just too psychologically damaging,” Brooks said of the comments. “So then I would ask my assistant to read them.” We can’t really blame him, since the help is available, and we’d agree that people on the interwebs can be pretty darn mean! But there’s just something about David Brooks saying it that makes him sound especially whinydouchey, no? Read more on David Brooks Too Delicate To Read Internet Comments…
  cheer up

Hot Cross Happy Links, Starring Every Teevee Show Ever

Once again, we binge-watched teevee all weekend to bring you Monday’s Happy links. How many recaps do we have for you today? All of them, pretty much. Family-friendly fuzzy dramedy “Parenthood” wrapped up its season last week so now you will have no more Parenthood recaps from us and you will be sad. Read more on Hot Cross Happy Links, Starring Every Teevee Show Ever…
  clipbait

Super Tough Guy David Brooks Not Sure That Bamz Has Enough Cojones For A Real Man Like Vladimir Putin

New York Times columnist David Brooks, whose only real expertise is chronicling the lives of the slightly disaffected but mostly pretty happy upper middle class exurban dweller, decided to go on “Meet the Press” Sunday to explain how Obama just isn’t man enough to handle the Middle East. Let’s go to the tape to hear Brooks’s fact-free slurring! Read more on Super Tough Guy David Brooks Not Sure That Bamz Has Enough Cojones For A Real Man Like Vladimir Putin…
  spoiler alert

Obama Will Tyrannize America Tonight By Raising The Federal Contract Minimum Wage

You already know that we are hoping HARD for some State of the Union drama tonight, but we were figuring that it would come from Michelle throat-ramming America with gay sportsthugs. That’s a fine start, but we are your fucking base, Obama. Give us some red meat we can tear apart and devour and come up with a bloodstained toothy grin as right-wingers threaten to storm the barricades because socialism’s a-comin’ just like they always toldja. We should not have counted Obama out, because it looks like he is going to pound his executive order fascist hammer all over America’s face tonight by forcing America’s job creators to pay lazy takers with federal job contracts a higher minimum wage. President Barack Obama will announce during Tuesday night’s State of the Union address that he’s raising the minimum wage for workers under federal contracts to $10.10 per hour, an administration official told The Huffington Post. The new policy, to be instituted via executive order, may affect hundreds of thousands of workers whose jobs are supported by federal dollars. The move is designed in part to ratchet up pressure on Congress to pass legislation raising the minimum wage for all workers. The current federal minimum wage stands at $7.25 per hour, and hasn’t been raised since 2009, after the last of a series of increases signed into law by then-President George W. Bush. BOOM. Read more on Obama Will Tyrannize America Tonight By Raising The Federal Contract Minimum Wage…
  if you're so smart why ain't you rich?

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Gun-Humpers, More Gun-Humpers, And David Brooks

Welp, time for another of our periodic muckings-out of the old comments queue. Friday’s piece on David Brooks and his explanation of why “income inequality” ain’t no thing was not well-received by “DavDar,” whose pseudonym suggests they have an uncanny ability to spot any Daves in the room at a glance. DavDar is one of those free-market cheerleaders who occasionally wander into Wonkette, write a dozen comments taking issue with every other comment on a story, and then flounce out with a grumble about how Wonkette Hates Free Speech — and indeed, the last thing we heard from DavDar was, Another cowardly leftist site that won’t post opposing arguments. Quelle surprise! Ah, but here is vôtre comment, right ici! It is quite la surprise, non? Needless to say, DavDar does not think this “income inequality” is anything to worry about either, since poor people mostly bring it on themselves by not planning well: This “hard work” meme is taken out of context deliberately by those on the Left. Obviously you can’t just dig ditches all day and expect them to be filled with money when you get up the next day. Hard work has to be accompanied by working smarter, setting realistic goals, making plans, having patience and avoiding stupid mistakes. Silly poors — if they want to get ahead in life, they should be stockbrokers. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Gun-Humpers, More Gun-Humpers, And David Brooks…
  A Sphincter Says What?

Millionaire NYT Columnist David Brooks: Poor People Won’t Be Poor If They Just Act Like Rich People

Good news, Poors! David Brooks has decided to take on the topic of income inequality, and has concluded that 1) income inequality is not actually a problem, and 2) if it were, we shouldn’t solve it by giving poor people more money, and also 3) the growing income of the 1% has nothing to do with the shrinking incomes of the rest of us. Hear that? NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Here, let the man with the 4 million dollar home explain to us why giving money to poor people will be of absolutely no help to them. Read more on Millionaire NYT Columnist David Brooks: Poor People Won’t Be Poor If They Just Act Like Rich People…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries

Duuuuuudes. Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the (*koff!*) weekly feature where we roll up whatever seeds and stems are left from stories that weren’t quite compelling enough to make a full post, but too stoopid to ignore altogether, and then we, uhhhh… hahahahahaha Yeah, we totally do, man. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries…
  u mad bro?

Nate Silver Breaks Up With NYT But It’s Cool Because They Didn’t Really Want To Date Him Anymore Anyway

Are you Nate Silver fanboys? Are you also into sportsball? Then you have probably been fapping 24/7 since yesterday’s announcement that pint-sized stats wunderkind Silver is taking his toys and leaving the New York Times to go to ESPN to helm up some multifaceted job-creating machine. (No, really. That’s pretty much what ESPN says at the link. You think we actually want to write things that sound like that?) Anyway, leaving, job-creating, sportsball, EXCITEMENT At least we didn’t have to endure a LeBron James-style teevee show about whether Silver would stay or go. The NYT, however, is a little bit of a sore loser about the whole thing: Read more on Nate Silver Breaks Up With NYT But It’s Cool Because They Didn’t Really Want To Date Him Anymore Anyway…
  bobos in paradise lost

David Brooks To Teach Next Generation Of Elites To Be ‘Humble,’ At Yale

Yes, by virtue of his New York Times column and his occasional PBS appearances, David Brooks has been qualified to teach something. And — get this — it is a class in HUMILITY. Which will be taught to the children of the 1% at Yale.  Everything about this begs to be made fun of. Read more on David Brooks To Teach Next Generation Of Elites To Be ‘Humble,’ At Yale…
  It's Fanfiction-tastic!

David Brooks Pens Stirring Debate Statement For Imaginary Mitt Romney (Who Is Actually David Brooks)

As we all know (if we are nerds), in the world of fan fiction, a “Mary Sue” is a character who exists solely as a surrogate for the author — it’s the ordinary girl who is a better Quidditch player than Harry Potter, or the super-spy who gets to raid Lara Croft’s secret treasure vault, if you know what we mean. So it turns out that plodding centrist boringpants David Brooks has written a fan fiction story of his very own! Only the Mary Sue in his story is not merely a character who gives Mitt Romney a winning strategy, it is a wholly fictional version of Mitt Romney himself, who says all the things that David Brooks thinks would win America over and elect a hypothetical centrist Republican. We have seen similar “centrist boringpants are the real conservatives” fantasy pretty recently (by Tom Friedman, natch), so it’s not surprising that David Brooks would want to play Starfleet Captain, too. And the New York Times, which has a weakness for this sort of candidate fan-wankery around upcoming debates, even let him republish it from his LiveJournal. Read more on David Brooks Pens Stirring Debate Statement For Imaginary Mitt Romney (Who Is Actually David Brooks)…
  fight for the right to your party

Chris Wallace Rumbles With Peggy Noonan For Control Of The Gang

She’d killed him. She’d killed Mitt. She’d stuck her blade between his ribs, counting down from the top to mark where his heart was. (In this story, Mitt Romney had a heart.) And now everyone was going fucking nuts. Twitchy was mouthing off to Big Bill. Chris Wallace was struggling to find the gonads to challenge Pegs for control of the gang. (Nobody cared what Brooksy said, he was a no-account loser who wasn’t really even in the gang. Sometimes they used him to messenger stuff, when there weren’t any grade school kids handy.) “She ain’t no big thing. She ain’t so tough.” Chris Wallace was screwing up his courage. The gang needed a new fucking leader, one who wasn’t constantly murdering them, like she’d done with Bushy, and Mac, and whoever it was who came before that. It seemed like she murdered everyone in some weird communion with Ronnie. Always Fucking Ronnie. It never stopped. Read more on Chris Wallace Rumbles With Peggy Noonan For Control Of The Gang…
  Stick A Fork In Him (With Votes)

Even David Brooks Thinks Mitt Romney’s 47% Comments 100% Dickish

Oh, Mitt Romney, Mitt Romney. You know how you can tell that you’ve really stepped in it? A tiny hint of evidence that your problems go well past not being “elegantly stated”? One big hint would be when Conservative Icon William Kristol calls your comments “stupid and arrogant.” Another might be when the terminally equitable David Brooks suggests you don’t have a clue about the country you want to lead: …as a description of America today, Romney’s comment is a country-club fantasy. It’s what self-satisfied millionaires say to each other. It reinforces every negative view people have about Romney. All we need now is for the Ghost of David Broder to appear and say “While it is of course important to consider all sides of the question, Mitt Romney has truly screwed the pooch this time.” Read more on Even David Brooks Thinks Mitt Romney’s 47% Comments 100% Dickish…
  A Sphincter Says What?

Oh Paul Ryan, David Brooks Can’t Stay Mad At You!

What is Paul Ryan’s biggest mistake, you might be wondering — and yes, we know! It’s hard to pick just one! But if, for some reason, we were going to try, would we pick Ryan’s sponsorship of a personhood amendment? Or maybe the Ryan Plan, which would turn Medicare into a voucher program? Or oh — what about saying that voting for the Iraq War gave him “more foreign policy experience than Obama”? No, stupid, it was none of those things, it was refusing to vote for the Simpsons-Bowles Proposal, as David Brooks explains to us in a column called “Ryan’s Biggest Mistake.” Read more on Oh Paul Ryan, David Brooks Can’t Stay Mad At You!…
  the center cannot hold

Kingmaker David Brooks Now Disgusted With Romney, Everybody Else

Guys, it’s like you don’t even listen to David Brooks anymore! After trying to explain to you that America was ever so much more civilized when run by the Protestant Ascendancy, he now lays out a list of nine reasons (David Brooks is not a prisoner of your HuffPostian tyranny of “round numbers” for his listicles) why the 2012 election is the Dullest Campaign Ever. The saddest part of this patrician jeremiad is that most of it is 100% true, but since we are in the depths of the part of the campaign season where you are either with us or against us, we must parse the Brooksian whinging to determine if our hero has abandoned Mitt Romney to his fate. OUR ANALYSIS: Yes, probably! Read more on Kingmaker David Brooks Now Disgusted With Romney, Everybody Else…