Wonkette

So David Brooks wrote an annoying little column today about this: “McCain started out with the same sort of kibitzing campaign style that he used to woo the press back in 2000. It didn’t work. This time there were too many cameras around and too many 25-year-old reporters and producers seizing on every odd comment to set off little blog scandals.” Those 25-year-old reporters and “little blog” rats should be proud of themselves, wouldn’t you think, if they were the ones not whorish enough to buy John McCain’s offers of friendship and let him get away with everything? MORE »

David Brooks allows a made-up reader to address him as “Mr. Kierkegaard” today in his column. Here is what “Existential in Exeter” asks Søren Kierkegaard, who is David Brooks, about Culture: “All my life I’ve been a successful pseudo-intellectual, sprinkling quotations from Kafka, Epictetus and Derrida into my conversations, impressing dates and making my friends feel mentally inferior. But over the last few years, it’s stopped working. People just look at me blankly. My artificially inflated self-esteem is on the wane. What happened?” David Brooks gets high and then answers — oh man, does he ANSWER — this question (which he actually wrote to himself after getting high, too). MORE »

God, David Brooks is a sap. His new terrible column is addressed to God — “God, Republicans are saps.” — and then it drags out some tortured split-personality analogy (”Dr. Barack” and, uh, “Fast Eddie”) that is supposed to suggest that Hopeful Obama is also an ambitious politician and may be “in it to win it.” MORE »

Here’s a fact: David Brooks wrote the worst column in American History this morning. Well, maybe of this week, or of this morning only. It was definitely the worst New York Times column he wrote today. It involves bird flu, or the measles, or some sort of viral “sensation” where Barack Obama is heroin and Hillary Clinton is the methadone clinic, and hippies are guided by invisible shark spirits. MORE »

David Brooks, in today’s New York Times, finally reveals what we suspected all along: he really doesn’t do any thinking for himself. Brooks unashamedly admits that he listens to songs from The O.C. soundtrack because “I just log on to iTunes and it tells me what I like.” He also drives where his car tells him to drive and doesn’t have a memory any more because Yahoo, Google and Wikipedia hijacked his cerebellum long ago. “I’m no longer clear on where I end and my BlackBerry begins,” he states, and this explains a lot, doesn’t it? It gets worse, though, because then he gets cosmic: “I have relinquished control over my decisions to the universal mind. I have fused with the knowledge of the cybersphere, and entered the bliss of a higher metaphysic.” We look forward to the day when Brooks receives his “lolcats” implant, because he’ll be way more entertaining when he finally does. MORE »

And just like that, TimesSelect is gone. Everyone can read year-old Bob Herbert columns again! For free and everything! We haven’t read a Times op-ed in two years (we did have a TimesSelect subscription, but still, it was kinda annoying). Thankfully the New York Times knows exactly what the nation needs right now, and they’ve given us, on this, the first day of totally free content in so long, the trifecta of terribly annoying and increasingly irrelevant columnists: David “BoBos Drive Like This” Brooks, Maureen “All the Democrats Are Pussies Except Hillary Who is a Dyke” Dowd, and Thomas “My Dr. Phil Mustache Is Here to Reassure You That Losing That Manufacturing Job Was a Good Thing” Friedman. Ye gods put it back behind the paywall, please. Yes, we did read them all. We’ll save you the trouble: MORE »

MORE »

• There are telltale signs hidden in the details of the Cocktober Surprise, sitting there, waiting to be discovered - clues that God himself orchestrated the “Do I make you horny?” IM convos. [Unclaimed Territory]

• Rove aide and sports fan Susan Ralston resigns over Abramoff scandal. [TPMMuckraker]
• North Korea’s not building nukes to bargain with, they’re building them to blow shit up with. [Captain's Quarters]
• Obama is exactly twice the dinner companion that John Kerry is — but should eat more, he’s still kinda a skinny kid. [The Swamp]
• David Ignatius gets a big fat late pass. [Sadly, No!]
• Bush to be impeached, basically any minute now. [After Downing Street]
• David Brooks thinks Mark Foley is a folk hero to be “worshiped at consciousness-raising drum circles.” [Hit & Run]
• It’s a 3-day weekend guys, better start puffing down so you can remember it. [ScrappleFace]

Yesterday, we quoted David Brooks thus: MORE »

On last weekend’s Chris Matthews Show, New York Times columnist David Brooks made the following loose-lipped declaration: “One of the things I’ve found in life is that politicians are a lot more sincere than us journalists and we are more sincere than the people that read and watch us.”

MORE »