Gawker has found a short but delicious profile of New York Times misogynist neckbeard holy warrior-columnist Ross Douthat, from his days at mean old Harvard. Here’s a fun pargraph! “His room is adorned with posters of Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe - stars from Hollywood’s glamour heyday - as well as a towering tribute to Gladiator. ‘I think that Russell Crowe’s evocation of manhood is something all men should aspire to,’ he explains, ‘particularly when there are such obvious parallels between Rome and the United States, with the combination of splendor and decadence of Empire.’” Jesus… OH WE GET IT… you were trying to play matchmaker with David Brooks when you hired Ross Douthat, weren’t you, sneaky New York Times? [Harvard Crimson via Gawker]

• From the unfortunate musings of wingnut cartoon land: Keith Olbermann has no choice but to reluctantly gobble up Scott Hardbody’s warm, brown, salty tea bags. [RedState]
• Introducing: The White Basketball League! It’s like the NBA but without a Negro dialect. [Think Progress]
• The press are lining up for a chance to have their boobies autographed by the now-legitimate Tea Party Movement. [Weekly Standard]
• Hell hath no fury like Matt Taibbi pooping all over David Brooks. [True/Slant: Matt Taibbi]
• Michelle Malkin pretends to loathe the sexy new iPhone app that lets you Skype-sex with Barack Obama at the simple press of a button. [Michelle Malkin]

C’MON! SINISTER DAVID BROOKS CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED JOHN THUNE (R-SD) IS “SUN-CHAPPED” IN A “PRAIRIE” SORT OF WAY: “The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome (John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now). If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.” [New York Times]

Oh my god David Brooks. He too is indignant about the suggestion that a bunch of these racist slob tea partiers are racists. He saw some of them talking to black people last weekend, during the 2.9 billion person (according to conservative blog estimates) tea party march! He was running — which he is wont to do, you see! — and saw that a few of the blacks were having one of their “raps,” and some tea partiers were there with them, listening to the rap. Then he explains that populism means hating people who live in cities, none of whom have jobs or work hard. MORE »

Even though we attended The Week’s Opinion Awards with David Brooks a few months back and very much looked forward to making pleasant conversation with him over the lobster thermidor, we got stuck in the back with some old gents who did not believe anybody could blog “for a living.” But if we had sat next to David Brooks, we probably would have laid a hand on his juicy amber thigh — so who can blame whatever Republican senator it was that did this thing once? MORE »

Here is our old op-ed friend David Brooks, who has turned a lovely shade of Holiday Orange, talking about the sexy night when some old Republican senator was just putting the moves on anybody within old-man groping distance … even David Brooks! MORE »

On Monday night your two Wonkette associate editors attended a Dinner Party thrown by the digest The Week, called The Week Opinion Awards, and we’re only posting about it now because hey, shut up. It was somewhat “A-List,” meaning (a) why the poo were we invited and (b) why the poo did we go? Because after only four seconds at the opening cocktail party, your male associate editor was begging Sara to leave. But two full glasses of gin over the next four seconds changed that attitude into “LET’S GO FUCK WITH LINDSEY GRAHAM” and we stayed for the dinner after all. MORE »

A terribly immature homophobe sent us this childish nonsense earlier about what he and his girlfriend (Princess Leia) were typing to each other on the Internet: “Me and my girlfriend have been discussing it intensely over gchat for the last 20 minutes and we’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve finally found definitive evidence that David Brooks is gay in today’s nytimes column.” Nonsense, David Brooks is white. It means nothing that his driver in Israel, a “young, hip-looking, alt-rocker dude,” protected him after their car raped another car from the rear. MORE »

We have an important and URGENT message for our many conservative readers who must not say *anything to anyone* until they’ve read this: your leader, Rush Limbaugh, has decreed that you are not allowed to criticize Bobby Jindal’s speech last night, got it? You do not want to be the next David Brooks or Amanda Carpenter or Fox News panel member, each of whom have already been EATED by Limbaugh for saying that Jindal sucked last night. MORE »

Gather round, ducklings, for David Brooks would like to commence his Tuesday lesson: “When I was a freshman in college, I was assigned ‘Reflections on the Revolution in France’ by Edmund Burke. I loathed the book.” You’ll never believe this, but later in life, he grew to like the book. This bears all the trappings of a trenchant political column. MORE »

Watch out, America, because David Brooks has written another one of his famous “theme” columns, in which he takes on a gimmick — like pretending to be Kierkegaard, or a doctor researching some new Obama disease, or a cartoon Asian Buddhist Negro being attacked by the Internet — and proceeds to embarrass himself for hundreds of words. Today he pretends to be a historian, or maybe just a Wikipedia writer, composing a brief summary of how during the Obama years, the majority party took a so-so economy, ran up the budget and made so many bad decisions that the American people started distrusting the government and other institutions of power completely. Just to repeat, he says this is what the future will look like. MORE »

Oh goodness we spent all day yesterday saluting Bill Kristol, who had to leave the New York Times because he was TOO PERFECT TO GO ON, without noticing a gem of a column by his fellow token conservative David Brooks. He wrote about the profound reverence with which we should approach our professions because they are sacred “institutions.” David Brooks comes from a magical time when people could have a single profession or employer for their entire working life, and might feel like their personal sense of self-worth was related to how well they did their jobs. (This was long before the invention of men’s room attendants, debt collectors, and fryolater de-greasers.) MORE »

More details have emerged from Barack Obama’s haughty War Dinner at George Will’s chateau last night in the rich Maryland suburbs (isn’t that area reserved for the rich Democrats, while the rich Republicans have McLean, Virginia all to themselves? Something to consider! Or not!) The early pool report mentioned that Bill Kristol and David Brooks were there, representing the New York Times tokenista/National Greatness contingent, but who else? Well, bald money crow Larry Kudlow for one! We know this because he blabbed all about this private dinner, to the media reporters. MORE »