david axelrod

I SAID NOTHING WHEN THEY CAME FOR THE AXELROD  11:30 am October 11, 2012

Wall Street Journal: To Use The Word ‘Liar Is To Kill Six Million Jews

by Jesse Taylor

Mitt Romney stated things during the debate last week that were often in direct contravention of both reality and things he had previously stated. If you’re wondering why I don’t use the L-word (“liar,” not “lesbian”), it’s because, as Daniel Henninger states at the Wall Street Journal today, “liar” is the linguistic harbinger of fascism. [...]

JEDI MIND TRICKS  9:00 am October 1, 2012

Romney Cannot Out-Debate Handsome, Talented Barack Obama, Says Romney Spokeswoman

by Josh Fruhlinger

OH BOY OH BOY THE DEBATES ARE COMING! This week will be the first time that Barack Obama and Mitt Romney get on TV and have a thoughtful, earnest exchange about how their different visions will translate into policies to help the great country they both love ha ha we can’t even finish this sentence [...]

JUST LIKE THE VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE BUT BLACK  11:02 am September 10, 2012

How Is Chicago Thug Barack Obama Threatening People Today?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Sexboat toe goblin Dick Morris has some thoughts on the typically thuggish Chicago regime, and how they “Rough Up Gallup for Polls They Don’t Like.” Get ready you guys, because it is terrifying! In a scene right out of a typical authoritarian regime, Fox News reports that “employees at the venerable Gallup polling firm suggested [...]

IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:12 am April 27, 2011

Trump Asked For White House Job, Wanted To Build Obama a Ballroom

by Riley Waggaman

What did Donald Trump use to do for “fun,” before he started accusing Barack Obama of being a Kenyan space lizard with lousy SAT scores? Oh, you know, he would drunk dial David Axelrod and beg him for a job, of course. Zounds! Probably best to take a pinch from the snuff box before you [...]

STUFF IS HARD  1:25 pm November 11, 2010

White House Undecided On Whether To Let Republicans Walk All Over Them

by Jack Stuef

Democrats in Congress were too afraid even to try to pass an extension of the Bush tax cuts for the middle class before the election, because Republicans saying anything at all about Democrats and taxes is very scary! Of course, Republicans still used this anyway, because they have no problem turning anything and everything into [...]

JUST COLD READIN' MIKE ALLEN'S PLAYBOOK  6:39 pm October 12, 2010

Obama Team Bored of Nation’s Problems, Still Loves the Blackberry

by Ken Layne

Look at all the president’s men having so much fun on their Fantasy Lacrosse League while poor people talk about their troubles, with Obama!

EVERYBODY GETS PULITZERS!  12:58 pm September 20, 2010

Politico: Unnamed Politico Source Disagrees With Unnamed NYT Sources

by Jack Stuef

The New York Times posted an article last night entitled “Obama Advisers Weigh Ad Assault Against the GOP,” which detailed the Democratic Party’s plan to propagate the notion that Teabagger ideas have taken over the Republican Party, based on unnamed sources. So, hey, welcome to the show! Your librul media has been sort of doing [...]

IT'S HARD OUT THERE FOR A PRESIDENT  2:37 pm August 5, 2010

White House Makes Sure Everyone Knows Obama Doesn’t Support That Crazy ‘Gay Marriage’ Idea

by Jack Stuef

President Obama, like many people, was very happy that Proposition 8 was overturned yesterday. But no, that does not mean he supports gay marriage, David Axelrod says. “The president does oppose same-sex marriage, but he supports equality for gay and lesbian couples, and benefits and other issues, and that has been effectuated in federal agencies [...]

NO DRAMA OBAMA  10:34 am January 29, 2010

David Axelrod Goes Out Of Way To Make Embarrassing Comments

by Jim Newell

David Axelrod held a briefing today with “reporters and opinion-makers,” you guys! He just wanted to get everyone together to remind them that the Democratic leadership made colossal, avoidable, unacceptable errors that completely ruined their agenda: “The White House had no contingency plan for health care reform if Democrat Martha Coakley lost the special election [...]

WONK'D  9:57 am August 17, 2009

Legitimately Famous Political Figures Spotted On Eastern Seaboard!

by Sara K. Smith

If you want to see DC’s most famous stars, you are best off visiting exotic locals such as the BWI airport and New York City’s Central Park. There you can find two of the most lovable party hounds in the history of American government! If you must stay in town, though, you might just spot [...]

MISS CALIFORNIA  3:13 am May 17, 2009

Obama’s Warlock Wants To Name New White House Mongrel ‘Miss California’

by Ken Layne

Those who listen to the elitist Chicago street organizer public-radio program Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me got a special treat this weekend, as Barack Obama’s personal Rasputin, David Axelrod, appeared on the show to describe how much this Socialist White House hates our nation’s fake-breasted gay-hating soft-porn models. [NewsPoliticsNews/NPR]

AMERICA'S DICK  12:32 pm February 16, 2009

David Axelrod Will Waterboard Dick Cheney

by Ken Layne

Barack Obama’s mustachioed Merlin, David Axelrod, hates Dick Cheney’s fat hateful ass. This, in itself, is hardly novel: Everyone hates Dick Cheney’s fat hateful ass. But Axelrod gets to go on Meet the Press and call Cheney a dick as part of his Administration job. [USA Today]

OBAMA GOES TO JAIL  5:09 pm December 23, 2008

Obama Transition Team Reports That Obama Transition Team Did Nothing Wrong

by Jim Newell

The Obama camp’s internal investigation report about its contact with Blaggy’s office regarding the “fuckin’ valuable” Senate seat “thing” has been released. Written by Obama’s fancy lawyer, Greg Craig, the report comes in at a brisk 4.5 pages. No one on the Obama team, according to the Obama team report, ever discussed any sort of [...]

DISSEMBLERS  12:29 pm July 30, 2008

David Axelrod Lies Hilariously About Patti Solis Doyle Hiring Blowback

by Sara K. Smith

By March or April or whenever it was that she got fired, everybody knew that Patti Solis Doyle was personally responsible for every single thing that went wrong with the Clinton campaign, except for the things Mark Penn and Bill Clinton and the candidate herself and even Harold Ickes were responsible for. Ms. Doyle was [...]

DEMOCRATS  8:48 am February 20, 2008

Clinton Says Her People Didn’t Make Plagiarism Charge Against Obama

by Sara K. Smith

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