Hey everybody, it’s a Wonkette Contest! Here’s the deal: Beloved blogger/author and Nobel/Pulitzer winner Dave Barry has a new one-man theater/comedy show that’s coming to GWU’s Lisner Auditorium. And two lucky Wonkette readers can go to the one-night-only February 6 performance for free. You can even bring somebody with you, if you know anyone. MORE »

“This is clearly going to be the high point of this guy’s life. I can’t wait until he’s old, he’s got long hair, a long white beard, probably drooling, and he’ll tell everyone, Remember that day I got Tasered? That was me!” [allDAY]

Molly Ivins died today in Austin after her cancer came back again, making the Texas columnist the second nationally-syndicated American humorist to die this month. (Art Buchwald died two weeks ago. For you kids who only use newspapers as masturbation rap-metal aides on the MySpace, both of these people wrote “columns” for “old people” to “read.”)

The obvious question is Which National Humor Columnist Will Die Next? This is an uncomfortable subject, of course, but journalism often requires the asking of the hard questions so our democracy is better served. Let’s run down the list, after the jump.

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• Heckle Dave “I’m so fucking Southern” Barry as he reads from his latest children’s book. 7PM at Olsson’s in Arlington. [Olsson's]

• New York experimentals Eagle-Ager: “you will likely see cardboard costumes, electronic music, ritualistic actions, absurd set pieces, scrap wood, blood, fancy pants, eagles, toy firetrucks, florescent Jesus figurines, thumbs, paintings of mountains, and maybe styrofoam starfish suits.” W/ Skeletons & The Girl Faced Boys, local band Kohoutek. 8PM, 611 Florida Ave, NW. $5 suggested. [611]
• Feel the heat with somebody at the Capital Fringe Festival’s cabaret kickoff party. Avenue Nightclub (get it, a venue?) 9PM at 649 New York Ave, NW. Free at 9PM. [CapFringe]
• Randall Balmer reads from his book,Thy Kingdom Come. “Himself an evangelical, Balmer examines contemporary evangelical leaders and their ties to the political right. For most of American history, he argues, evangelicalism was tied closely to progressive political causes: the abolition of slavery, universal suffrage, and public education. Today, though, many evangelicals are pushing the Republican Party to take extreme positions on issues like abortion, gay rights, and the teaching of science.” 7PM at Politics and Prose. [P&P]