Tag Archives: darrell issa

  poor babies

Guess Which Whiny Crybaby Congressjerk Wants A Pay Raise This Time

Congress
Just to prove that Republicans do not have a monopoly on dick moves, Florida Rep. Alcee Hastings, who is ostensibly a Democrat — the kind who won’t campaign against Republicans — is the latest member of Congress to whine about how underpaid he is, it’s so unfair, members of Congress can barely survive on their six-figure salaries, waaaaaaaah: Read more on Guess Which Whiny Crybaby Congressjerk Wants A Pay Raise This Time…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Help, Help, Sarah Palin Is Being Repressed!

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
In one of her three new videos this week — seven minutes and 34 seconds of total run time, for those keeping score at home — Sarah Palin decided to squawk about Lois Lerner, because apparently that horse is not yet dead and requires further beating. Her screed goes deep, deep into the realm of alternate history, and the whole thing is worth a look. Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Help, Help, Sarah Palin Is Being Repressed!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Congressjerk Darrell Issa So Grateful Rudy Giuliani Finally Impugned Obama’s Patriotism

He does not even seem nice
Now that ex-mayor and forever scumbag Rudy Giuliani has finally, for the first time ever, raised the question of whether Barack Obama really and truly loves America — because that question has never been asked before — some Republicans couldn’t be happier: Read more on Congressjerk Darrell Issa So Grateful Rudy Giuliani Finally Impugned Obama’s Patriotism…
  Now What Is This A Distraction From Again?

House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee

We're just kidding. Nobody's sitting calmly and playing cards in this one.
In a development that absolutely no one could have predicted if they were a blind cave fish happily feeding on isopods in a subterranean lake, it appears that there are Deep Partisan Rifts on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, which is definitely going to get to the true truth about the 2012 attack, unlike the previous seven congressional investigations that found no actual wrongdoing. Democrats on the committee complain that they are being shut out of interviews with witnesses, in several cases only finding out that Republicans had interviewed those witnesses from press reports. And committee chair Trey Gowdy has so far refused even to agree to rules for how the committee will operate. Read more on House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee…
  Dare To Be Irrelevant

Darrell Issa Still F*cking That IRS Chicken

Congressman Darrell Issa (R-Richest Man in Congress) became a regular feature on the Conservative Top 40 charts this year with his songs of IRS malfeasance. Now, with the holidays fast approaching, Issa’s releasing a Christmas album — no new content, just the old favorites in a shiny new package, and it can be yours for just $14.95! Read more on Darrell Issa Still F*cking That IRS Chicken…
  And Now Benghazi Is No Longer An Issue

House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox

Still missing an H
Photo by Beth Ethier, from last year’s Obama Arrest Party In a classic Friday news dump — the favored method for releasing information when you hope the fewest people will notice — the House Intelligence Committee released the results of its Great Big Benghazi Inquiry yesterday afternoon, and boy oh boy does it have some devastating news for the Incompetent Tyrant Obama: He’s still a tyrant, because executive orders, but OK, maybe, um, there wasn’t actually anything fishy going on at the diplomatic compound in Libya. Let’s just go with the AP’s lede, which clarifies exactly why this is terrible news for wingnuts (or would be, were they not impermeable to facts): Read more on House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox…
  Leaving Fast. Possibly Furious.

Eric Holder Peaces Out

Eric Holder has had enough of your shit, Congress. Like most of America, he is probably tired of grandstanding and bullshit partisan nonsense, so he is taking his indictments and going home. Read more on Eric Holder Peaces Out…
  Your ego is writing checks your soul can't cash

Air Force Dishonorably Discharges God

Whenever we have another awful natural disaster that wreaks havoc on America and kills folks, Bible-humpers will have a ready excuse on hand. Climate change? Hahaha, don’t be naive, you moron. Read more on Air Force Dishonorably Discharges God…
  Weed The People

Happy Birthday, U.S. Constitution! Even The Parts Without Guns.

These are Yang worship words! You will not say them!
Happy Constitution Day, U.S. Wonkers of America and such as! On this day in 1987, we celebrated the 200th anniversary of the signing of the Constitution of the United States. Yr Doktor Zoom distinctly remembers how none of the students in his freshman composition class got all of the really easy constitutional trivia questions right — simple stuff like “What does the Fifth Amendment protect?” and “Is it legal for the government to make you pray to your guns?” Read more on Happy Birthday, U.S. Constitution! Even The Parts Without Guns….
  Shocked and Awed

BENGHAZI Update: House Republican Committee Calls All Other Republicans Liars

Here we go again. Another House committee, controlled by Republicans, has issued yet another wackadoodle report about BENGHAZI. Are we going to finally find out that President Obama was taking body shots off of Hillary at the time of the attack, laughing about telling everyone to “stand down”? What kind of conspiracy-tinged bullshit will be served up this time? Read more on BENGHAZI Update: House Republican Committee Calls All Other Republicans Liars…
  won't someone think of the porn star moms?

Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break

If you are a DC politician, you are duty-bound to spend as much of the summer outside the city as possible. If you’re stuck in the swamp, you can at least take advantage of the hollowed-out Capitol and switch up your normal routine. Take a zealously investigated page from Republican Congressman Darrell Issa! In a change of pace after all that mikey-cutty stuff with Elijah Cummings (D-BADASS) during this spring’s comedic roast of Lois Lerner, Darrell is indulging in a little light summer outrage and sounding the alarm on the latest “unprecedented abuse of power”TM by the Obama-Industrial Complex. Darrell took a field trip to the Cato Institute for a show-and-tell about Operation Choke Point, a program at the Department of Justice that he says is limiting access to vital banking services, including funds transfer and credit card payment processing, for legal but “unpopular” businesses. Cato claims the DOJ is using Choke Point to harass gun dealers and porn stars, but we soon found out that none other than our most beloved American industrialists, the Koch brothers, could have their points choked at any moment. Read more on Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break…
  this week in gohmert

Louie Gohmert Has Million-Dollar Idea

Texas trailer hitch replica Louis Gohmert wants to get to the bottom of this IRS scandal so badly he’s willing to put the taxpayers’ money where his mouth is with a bill he introduced last week, the “Identify and Return Sent E-mails Act,” which would provide a cool $1 million to any whiz kid who can locate whatever emails disappeared from Lois Lerner’s computer when the hard drive crashed in 2011. Where Louie and the bill’s co-sponsor, Rep. Bill Flores (R-TX), think these emails might reside since the IRS, per its email retention policy, overwrote its backed-up server tapes every six months long before this “scandal” broke, was left to everyone’s imagination. Sayeth the walking penis of East Texas, You can do it one of two ways. You can have a Justice Department that’s actually involved in justice and they will use pressure and they’ll get it done. We don’t have a Justice Department. We have a ‘just us’ department, or an injustice department. So the only other way is to use the carrot method. Read more on Louie Gohmert Has Million-Dollar Idea…
  today in blahghazi

Surprise, Darrell Issa’s New Benghazi Revelation Not New Or A Revelation

Rancid beef jerky stick Darrell Issa has allegedly been in a snit over the new House Select Committee to investigate BENGHAAAAZI!!!11!!! because it bigfoots the investigations he has been chairing as head of the House Oversight Committee. Not that he doesn’t want to get to the bottom of the worst dereliction of duty since the Battle of Cannae … he just wants to get there first in the hope that the resultant glory will shine brightly enough to keep people from noticing he has the moral character of a feral sewer rat. Thus we had the spectacle yesterday of Issa leaking to his personal valet Jonathan Karl a new email that was supposed to show some malfeasance or other, but instead seemed to actually support the Obama administration’s contention that it thought from the very beginning that the Benghazi attack had been motivated by the YouTube video Innocence of Muslims. Whoops, that’s not the narrative the wingnuts have been pushing at full volume for almost two years. Read more on Surprise, Darrell Issa’s New Benghazi Revelation Not New Or A Revelation…
  environmental porn agency

EPA Employee Looking For Pollution Two To Six Hours A Day, From The Comfort Of His Porn Stash

Does your job blow? Do you ever fantasize about just kicking back and watching porn all day, but wish you could still pull down a nice six-figure salary? Yeah, us too, so click on those goddam ads swirling around, ok? (Note: do not actually click on those ads unless they are things in which you are interested, or that is “click fraud.” DO NOT go to click-fraud jail!) Our other option would be to work for the Environmental Protection Agency, per HuffPo: An employee at the Environmental Protection Agency allegedly downloaded over 7,000 files of pornography on a government computer and watched them two to six hours per day, the agency’s investigative unit revealed Wednesday. First off, holy shit that is a lot of porn-watching! But could it have been work-related porn? Is the EPA seeking to give grants to environmentally friendly porn producers? Maybe there were lessons at the end of them, like “Tell corporate polluters to stop treating the world’s oceans like a woman’s face. No ejaculating onto the world’s oceans!” We’d support our tax dollars going to that. Let’s sexsplore.  Read more on EPA Employee Looking For Pollution Two To Six Hours A Day, From The Comfort Of His Porn Stash…
  why settle for reality when you have fox news?

New Docs: IRS Targeted Liberal Groups The Most. Darrell Issa To Apologize Any Day Now, We Are Sure

You may recall hearing about some small fuss over the Internal Revenue Service allegedly targeting Tea Party groups for special scrutiny, because of the Obama administration’s relentless jihad against freedom? We’re pretty sure we mentioned it. And despite the overwhelming evidence that the worst that happened is that the IRS did some pretty sloppy work, especially in just using keyword lists to decide which groups would be looked at, it’s also pretty clear that the IRS gave extra scrutiny to both liberal and conservative groups’ application for 501(c)(3) and 501(c)(4) tax-exempt status. Even so, House Oversight and Government Reform Committee chair Darrell Issa keeps insisting that only conservative groups were given extra attention, because he is kind of a lying shitweasel that way. Well, hey, it turns out that a trove of actual IRS documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request substantiates the claim that both liberal and conservative groups got extra scrutiny, and if anything, liberal groups were actually more extensively targeted than Tea party groups were. What is one to make of this? Obviously, the facts must be wrong. Read more on New Docs: IRS Targeted Liberal Groups The Most. Darrell Issa To Apologize Any Day Now, We Are Sure…
  war is peace freedom is slavery failure is success

Darrell Issa F**ks Up Contempt Charges Against Lois Lerner, Because He Is Bad At His Job

Crybaby car-robber firebug Darrell Issa sucks. We could really end this post right now, but you are probably wondering why we are writing again about the sucktastic exploits of the World’s Worst Arsonist-and-Car-Robber-(and Crybaby!)-Turned-Congressman. Well, here is why: House Oversight Chairman Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) blew his chance to hold former IRS official Lois Lerner in contempt of Congress at a hearing last week, according to a new legal analysis being circulated by Democrats. Can this guy do anything right? No, the answer is clearly no. We fully expect that the next Oversight hearing will consist of Darrell Issa alternating between wetting himself and desperately trying to get his fingers unstuck from those little chineese fingercuffs.  Read more on Darrell Issa F**ks Up Contempt Charges Against Lois Lerner, Because He Is Bad At His Job…