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Nevermind, context is overrated, so feel free interpret this nonsense from New York Times executive editor Bill Keller in whichever way feels most comfortable: “Commenting on the keep-the-Times alive movement, Keller said: ‘Saving the New York Times now ranks with saving Darfur as a high-minded cause.’” Ha ha ha. Hmm! No. [Calderone]
Wow, judging from this photograph alone, St. Louis looks awesome. Dedicated legal journalist “Allison” writes: “Obama confidante and gorgeous Darfur lover George Clooney was just spotted in St. Louis. Filming started today here on his new movie, Up in the Air (otherwise known as George Clooney stalks around airports in bland, featureless cities like St. Louis). Georgie was shooting at an urban-blighted apartment building across from my office. I had no idea until I started hearing shrieks from our conference room overlooking the scene. See attached the photo (taken by my bud Lauren). George is the tiny figure with the rolling suitcase, just above the window ledge covered in bird shit.” Thank you Allison and Lauren, for your service to America and Darfur.
San Franciscans have three favorite pastimes: sodomy, jamming up traffic with their bicycles, and protesting things with puppets. This third hobby was on full display yesterday as protesters lined the scenic Embarcardero waiting for the Olympic torch to go running by on its whirlwind tour of the globe. Throughout the world, Olympic officials have been consistently embarrassed by protesters dousing the torch, yelling about China and Tibet and human rights, and saying unkind things about America’s Banker. But by San Francisco, they’d gotten wise — and decided to fake out the protesters in the most farcical running of the Olympic torch ever! MORE »
St. Barack of Obama spoke to trashy supermarket tabloid US Weekly! They asked him a bunch of dumb questions — the stuff of interest to, we imagine, US Weekly readers — and he sort of held his nose and half-answered them. But what kind of underwear does our handsomest president prefer? MORE »
United Nation Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has named famous starlet George Clooney as the social club’s ninth Messenger of Peace, because of his work doing something vaguely good for planet earth. Early reports indicate it was his phenomenal work in the film Ocean’s Thirteen that sealed the deal for Secretary-General Bat Shit-moon. MORE »
Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! Last week was totally topsy-turvy in Condiland, but not really in a fun way. There was that NIE thingy which made a lot of people uptight, an absolutely awful trip to Africa, which experts tell us is the land of her ancestors, and then on to Brussels, where half the people wouldn’t shut up about Iran, and the other half nagged her about the possibly fictional land of Kosovo. But first! Gay rumors! Relive the memories of photo-ops past after the jump!
Jimmy Carter apparently traveled to Sudan recently to meet with President Omar Hassan al-Bashir (isn’t he too old to be traveling so far? Do they have McDonald’s there?) and ask him to please stop killing so many people in Darfur. He went with Nelson Mandela and some other “elder statesmen” and made al-Bashir sign a pledge or something and gave them $300 million to clean everything up. And now Mia Farrow is pissed!
New Mexico guv Bill Richardson has successfully destroyed Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Warmonger Clinton and will now run for president.
Yes, he has some minor political problems — unspecified bimbo-itis, lied about baseball, confusing/forgotten Los Alamos stuff and everything else you’ll kindly add to the comments. But Richardson’s a surprisingly good candidate, which we’ll put in one of those bullet-point lists everybody loves so much, after the jump.
“Batman” star George Clooney will be previewing his new hit comedy at some video screening place between the Hill and the White House today. Exhausted from their first several hours of 110th fun, many senators are expected to join the actor for a screening of “Ishtar” a new movie about all the terrible things happening in Darfur. MORE »
Because it was nice out, because we had made the decision while drunk the night before, because Liz has a thing for Clooney, and because we care about the people of Darfur, we stopped by the rally yesterday on the Mall. Lesson learned: It’s extremely easy to get into the press tent.
Not a whole lotta text this time, because we’ve written a books’ worth on that damn party by now. So enjoy the pictures, courtesy Liz Gorman, after the jump.
