Wonkette

Ron Paul’s exciting all-day sports arena concert in Minneapolis was really missing only one thing: actual entertainment of some kind for the Paultards expected to pay $17.76 (get it?!) plus five-hundred dollars in Ticketmaster fees for the special privilege of sitting with other Paultards in a sports arena just a few miles from the fancy GOP convention in St. Paul, where the rich people will be partying with Kid Rock. And today Dr. Congressman Paul sent out an email announcing his Campaign for Literacy’s star attraction — a Nashville GOP singer gal Tom DeLay tried to keep on Dancing With the Stars even though she had to quit because of an ugly divorce from her drunken porn-loving Craigslist-threesome-having anal-sex addict congressional-candidate husband! MORE »

I’ve always had fantasies about Condoleezza Rice and Charles Manson dancing the Charleston together. I know, weird, huh? But now, thanks to JibJab’s “starring you” feature, the fantasy has become thrillingly real! The embedded video is after the jump.

MORE »

“I think Tucker just wanted us to know that underneath the bow tie and stick-up-his-spine (ahem) Dancing With the Stars performance last year, he’s a 100 percent, red-blooded American man, with a capital ‘M’ for macho. I agree with you. If he felt that threatened he should’ve left the police to handle it. He says, by the way, that the guy was arrested — I’m assuming his assailant didn’t counter-charge Tucker and his ‘friend’ with assault. I’d like to challenge Tucker to produce a police report, though, and share exactly what Georgetown bathroom he was in … was it, like, Georgetown Park or Smith Point?” [Washington Post]

Last year’s blockbuster season of Dancing With the Stars provided us with all these DC treats: MORE »

While we’re pretty sure this was a stunt to get us to watch “Tucker” — and it won’t work — watch the shock on Carlson’s face when Scarborough lets loose with an F-Bomb. MORE »

But because you loved it so much last week, here’s an update on Tom DeLay’s beloved “Dancing With the Stars” gal who sings the National Anthem at GOP conventions and is married to Republican fund-raising hero (and failed congressional candidate … and George Allen backer) Craig Schelske who is now accused of being a creepy drunken porn freak who screws all these anal-sex-loving Nashville gals he finds on CraigsList.

Join us after the jump for the inevitable Bible Study and Sexy Nanny angles. But first, a picture of the happy couple with America’s other sweethearts, Dick and Lynne:

MORE »

Because nothing is more important to Americans than the nexus of politics and “Dancing With the Stars,” we are pleased to report that Sara Evans — apparently a Nashville pop singer and champion dancer — has left the hit show because her husband is one of those sex creeps on CraigsList.

Failed Republican congressional candidate and GOP fund-raiser Craig Schelske is also accused of abusing his wife and making his young children watch pornography. According to Evans’ complaint, there are more than a hundred pictures stored on the family computer of Schelske screwing myriad women as well as parading around his house naked and “aroused.” According to his CraigsList ads, Schelske is particularly interested in having anal sex with strangers and threesomes.

More filth after the jump.

MORE »

You don’t have to be a laboratory scientist or explosives expert to know the “Gatorade/iPod Bomb Plot” was total bullshit from Day One; you just need to be able to read and comprehend the simple explanations provided by said laboratory scientists or explosives experts.

We need to bring our coffee back on the airplanes. We need our laptops and DVD players and iPods on those murderous transatlantic flights. We need you help, Washington media elite, so please join us after the jump.

MORE »

America’s affair with Tucker Carlson was brief, and it ended bitterly. MORE »

MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Tom DeLay sent out an email asking his friends to support Sara Evans on Dancing With the Stars… Rep. David Dreier (R-CA) showed up to work with a black eye yesterday. It was from a minor operation. [Roll Call]
• Yeas and Nays: The following members of Congress recorded with Kelly Clarkson yesterday: Joseph Crowley, Mary Bono, Mark Foley, Connie Mack, Steny Hoyer, Stephanie Herseth, Charles Gonzales, and Marsha Blackburn. [Examiner]
• Under the Dome: Rep. John Sweeney’s campaign spent $660 on cigars. [The Hill]
• Rush and Molloy: Hillary Clinton, after hearing that Karl Rove had her office exorcised: “I’m speechless.” [NYDN]
• Fresh Intelligence: Raul Castro is totally gay. [Radar]