Tag: dana perino

Dana Perino Okay With Obamacare But Does The President Have To Be A Big Jerky Jerk By Talking About It?

Yesterday our Glorious Leader Barack Obama (peace be upon him) took to the White House press room for a briefing with the inchoate brain stems that masquerade as the national media. We didn’t watch this because we have some...

Barack Obama Said A Mean Thing About Tobacco, So Now Fox News Wants Everyone To Smoke

The giant drugstore chain CVS announced it will no longer be selling cigarettes, and Barack Obama said a thing, like, "that's nice. Health," or something, we don't know, it was pretty anodyne. Did Fox News run every picture of...

Never Forget (Except For The Stuff They Wish We’d Forget, You Can Go Ahead And Forget That Stuff)

What is it we're supposed to never forget again? George W. Bush, August 6, 2001: Bush listened to the briefing , Suskind says, then told the CIA briefer: “All right. You’ve covered your ass, now.” George W. Bush, March 13, 2002: just...

Helen Thomas Meets Deadline

Your Wonkette comes bearing sad news: Helen Thomas, "White House Crone," died today at age 92 after a long and eventful tour through the halls of the White House. Younger Wonketeers may only know her from that 2010 video where she...

Dana Perino Writes Gross Love Letter To Secret Boyfriend George W. Bush

Did you know that it is Let's Pretend George W. Bush Was Teh Awesome Week? No? Neither did we, because we did not get that memo, and also, the way we remember it, he sucked harder than an industrial-strength...

Fox Wingnuts Still Terrified of Scary ‘Very Dangerous’ Muslim in Congress Who Probably Hates America Because Muslim

Well, here is something totally unexpected: the moron quintet at Fox, The Five, is pretty sure thar be terrorists, or at least terrorist sympathizers, in Congress. And no, they're not talking about Rep. Peter King, who is a bona...

Dana Perino Drops Jay-Z Diss Track, Embarrasses Every White Person Everywhere

Unless you are a cave-dweller or some sort of luddite (in which case it is weird that you broke your anti-technology stance for Wonkette, but bqhatevwr) you were unable to avoid the Mr. Z goes to Cuba movie this...

Fox’s Dana Perino Knows How to Reduce Domestic Violence

In the wake of that football player shooting his  girlfriend and also an entire human history of widespread violence against women,Fox's Dana Perino has an innovative solution  to end the abuse! Did you know that probably a majority of...

A Children’s Treasury Of Verbatim Last-Minute FOX NEWS Theatre

INTRO: THE WHO, "WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN" CHYRON: GOP ELECTION OFFICIALS BLOCKED FROM ENTERING POLLING SITES IN PA, JUDGE REINSTATES THEM MURAL OF PRES OBAMA ON WALL AT PHILADELPHIA POLLING SITE GETS COVERED AFTER COMPLAINTS VOTERFRAUD@FOXNEWS.COM VOTER FRAUD MONITORS ON HIGH...

Fox’s Dana Perino: California Gov. Jerry Brown Is A Dictator Because He Made A Youtube

Did you hear that California -- the Golden Dream by the Sea -- is having a wee little problem with its economy? What happened was a million years ago some proto-Grover Norquists made it impossible to ever raise taxes...

America About As Awful As Ever

Here are just a few reasons why you should move to the Moon as soon as possible: Predictable asshole Scott Walker has threatened to fire public employees if his famous union-busting bill remains tied up in court. Meanwhile, Barack...

Dana Perino Still Way Sexier Than Ari Fleischer

Congratulations, America. You've raised an entire generation of worthless junkies who will probably never know the simple pleasures of a corporate 9-5 or wholesome church picnics with the wife and kids or any of that good hearty American stuff....

Has Barack Obama Used This Word Too Many Times In One Year?

How many times has Obama uttered the difficult five-syllable word "unprecedented" during his White House term? According to the Politico's arbitrary (and would-be time-consuming, if they weren't just making it up) count: 129 times! The last American president George...

Dana Perino So Glad We Never Had a Terrorist Attack on America During George W. Bush’s Presidency

Dim-bulb Dana Perino was doing jello shots at a frat party in 2001, so it's no great surprise she doesn't remember the 9/11 attacks on America. And the producers of Fox News could give a shit what anybody says...

Dana Perino Writes Wingnut Laments For NRO The Corner, Too

Former George Bush Jr. press secretary and current Mark Penn employee (as part of the Microtrend "My Concubines"), Dana Perino, simply does not care for this Barack Obama going to a Muslim country and addressing Muslims directly as Muslims,...

Dana Perino Joins Mark Penn’s Firm

Former Bush spokesmodels who do not know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was, finding work with reptilian Cheetos-addicted statisticians: it's a Microtrend! Dana Perino recently joined this elite demographic when she was hired on at Mark Penn's PR outfit...