Tag Archives: dana perino

  history's worst monster

Fox’s Dana Perino: California Gov. Jerry Brown Is A Dictator Because He Made A Youtube

Did you hear that California — the Golden Dream by the Sea — is having a wee little problem with its economy? What happened was a million years ago some proto-Grover Norquists made it impossible to ever raise taxes in the state, both by requiring a two-thirds supermajority in the Lege and by mandating that property taxes could never go up ever. Then, on top of that, Arnold Schwarzenegger took a ballpeen hammer to a car to symbolize SMASHing the Vehicle License Fee, and whoops! The very next year, California was in the red by … the exact same amount it had foregone in Vehicle License Fees! But everybody got $134 back to go spend at Wal-Mart, so good trade! This has been a problem for California, because it is no longer able to pay for things like world-class educational systems that used to draw people to it, but obviously, all current and historic budget shortfalls are Jerry Brown’s fault because he used to be a hippie, and did you know also Al Gore invented the Internet? Haw haw haw. Anyhoo, now Jerry Brown has announced additional cuts to education and services (he has been pretty Austere already) and also plumped for an infinitesimal rise in the sales tax, and three percent more in income taxes for Facebook founders. How did he do this? In a YOUTUBE. And that makes him just like Evita Peron. Don’t cry for him, Sacramento, etc. Here is Dana Perino, blahing about it on Fox News: Read more on Fox’s Dana Perino: California Gov. Jerry Brown Is A Dictator Because He Made A Youtube…
  oh well

America About As Awful As Ever

Here are just a few reasons why you should move to the Moon as soon as possible: Predictable asshole Scott Walker has threatened to fire public employees if his famous union-busting bill remains tied up in court. Meanwhile, Barack Obama is frantically Zeppelin-bombing brown people all over the world, for Freedom — and our trillion-dollar deficit woes will soon be over, once we stop wasting federal money on “food for children from low-income families.” Habeas corpus has now been suspended for almost ten years, so if you haven’t paid your taxes yet you will be raped by the CIA, in Lithuania. (We miss the “good old days,” when at least you could masturbate to the dirty, dirty lies about how great Our Nation is — since they usually came out of Dana Perino’s tender, post-911 mouth-hole on C-SPAN Live, so you could fap in real time.) Never Forget. Read more on America About As Awful As Ever…
  rumors on the internets

Dana Perino Still Way Sexier Than Ari Fleischer

Congratulations, America. You’ve raised an entire generation of worthless junkies who will probably never know the simple pleasures of a corporate 9-5 or wholesome church picnics with the wife and kids or any of that good hearty American stuff. No, sir. Instead, these smackheads will just sit around all day and collect their welfare checks whilst smoking their God-forsaken marrywana. Thanks for nothing. [The Daily Dish] Read more on Dana Perino Still Way Sexier Than Ari Fleischer…
  yes he has

Has Barack Obama Used This Word Too Many Times In One Year?

How many times has Obama uttered the difficult five-syllable word “unprecedented” during his White House term? According to the Politico‘s arbitrary (and would-be time-consuming, if they weren’t just making it up) count: 129 times! The last American president George W. Bush Junior said it 262 times! BUT IN EIGHT YEARS! Dana Perino went to journalism school (yikes!) and she thinks it is bad journalism or something to say a word like this 129 times in less than one calendar year. So that’s what happened on Fox News and in the Politico today. [YouTube, Raw Story] Read more on Has Barack Obama Used This Word Too Many Times In One Year?…
  september what?

Dana Perino So Glad We Never Had a Terrorist Attack on America During George W. Bush’s Presidency

Dim-bulb Dana Perino was doing jello shots at a frat party in 2001, so it’s no great surprise she doesn’t remember the 9/11 attacks on America. And the producers of Fox News could give a shit what anybody says on the air, as long as the subtext is racism. Read more on Dana Perino So Glad We Never Had a Terrorist Attack on America During George W. Bush’s Presidency…
  what we need now is george w. bush

Dana Perino Writes Wingnut Laments For NRO The Corner, Too

Former George Bush Jr. press secretary and current Mark Penn employee (as part of the Microtrend “My Concubines”), Dana Perino, simply does not care for this Barack Obama going to a Muslim country and addressing Muslims directly as Muslims, because somehow being aware of various cultural backgrounds is a zero-sum game, and for every Muslim Barack Obama pays attention to, an old white pentecostal nut in northwest Georgia is forced to sit at the back of the bus. Or so she wrote on America’s Blog! Read more on Dana Perino Writes Wingnut Laments For NRO The Corner, Too…
  sellouts

Dana Perino Joins Mark Penn’s Firm

Former Bush spokesmodels who do not know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was, finding work with reptilian Cheetos-addicted statisticians: it’s a Microtrend! Dana Perino recently joined this elite demographic when she was hired on at Mark Penn’s PR outfit to “communicate” things for “clients,” who include Lucifer and the reanimated corpse of Kenneth Lay. [Wall Street Journal] Read more on Dana Perino Joins Mark Penn’s Firm…
  dana don't complain

Check Out Dana Perino’s Lady Shiner

Here’s our first glimpse of icy sex goddess Dana Perino back at her beloved White House perch, only a couple of days after an Iraqi microphone socked her in the eye amidst what reporters have called a “melee.” Also, the wealthy New York blog Gawker has posted an excellent AP photo of the battered mouthpiece at her most vulnerable, so go look at that too. [YouTube, Gawker] Read more on Check Out Dana Perino’s Lady Shiner…
  old gals

Helen Thomas Returns To White House To Finish Off Dana Perino

Look everyone, 124-year-old c-list wire reporter Helen Thomas is back in the Front Row of the White House Briefing Room after months of health issues! “I realized really how dedicated I was to newspapers,” Thomas says, “which are dying.” Nah grandma that’s just hearsay; You’ve been watching too much CNBC! And then Thomas’ legendary arch nemesis, the ice queen press secretary Dana Perino, welcomes her back, and Thomas calls her a hot-to-trot warlord hussy. She also admits that she voted for Obama, which is not a very professional thing for a wire reporter to disclose [Commenters say she has a column now in the NYT under the pen name “Maureen Dowd”]. [Fishbowl DC] Read more on Helen Thomas Returns To White House To Finish Off Dana Perino…
  you're grounded

McCain Spokeswoman Gets in Twoooouble With The Boss

Here’s a Fox News clip from today of John McCain’s communications director Jill Hazelbaker, a.k.a. “the poor man’s Dana Perino.” She said that Barack Obama is not going to the Middle East to learn anything about the situation On The Ground — a stark contrast to avid listener John McCain, who learned about the two kinds of Muslims during his last trip to the region. Read more on McCain Spokeswoman Gets in Twoooouble With The Boss…
 

Perino: White House May, Uh, Not Necessarily, Well Maybe I Shouldn’t Say, Could Get In Trouble, Um, Er, Snarf, Destroy Scott McClellan

Now the thing about Scott McClellan is that he’s terrible, with his book, and he now may have tragically reopened the Valerie Plame “Plamegate” saga anew. John Conyers & Palz on the House Judiciary Committee are open to hearing McClellan’s testimony, meaning the White House will have to somehow stop him from testifying, meaning frozen royal press secretary Dana Perino had to give reporters some inadvertent “legal comedy” today, meaning ha ha, OH GOD. Read more on Perino: White House May, Uh, Not Necessarily, Well Maybe I Shouldn’t Say, Could Get In Trouble, Um, Er, Snarf, Destroy Scott McClellan…
 

Dana Perino Confused By Most Things, But Specifically McClellan’s Criticism

The White House has issued a Papal Bull in response to former press secretary Scott McClellan’s new book, in which he makes bland accusations about the Bush administration like “they may not have been completely trustworthy” in order to sell his otherwise unsellable crappy account of his pathetic life. The most recent White House press secretary, smokin’ hot monster Dana Perino, indicates in the pithy statement — which you can see after the jump!! — that she cannot read bookz. Read more on Dana Perino Confused By Most Things, But Specifically McClellan’s Criticism…
 

Dumb Old Dana Perino Calls Obama Self-Centered Ninny

After this morning’s speech where George W. Bush called Barack Obama a terrorist/Hitler, Barack Obama responded that this was false, and a Smear. How did “Icy Hot” White House Press Secretary Dana Perino respond then? By telling Barry that they weren’t talking about him, although it makes sense that his narcissistic ass would interpret it that way. Read more on Dumb Old Dana Perino Calls Obama Self-Centered Ninny…
 

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF DANA PERINO, SUPERHERO SPOKESLADY From the press gaggle at the White House yesterday afternoon: “Q. I also wanted to ask you about Afghanistan quickly. What is the President’s reaction to the attempt on President Karzai, and doesn’t it raise questions about the stability of the government security forces there? MS. PERINO: Well, I would point back to one thing that the President has said, which is that when you are dealing with terrorists you have to be right 100 percent of the time and they only have to be right once.” Oh sure! Unlike with, say, rapists and car mechanics. [White House] Read more on …
 

Mexicans Now Taking George W. Bush’s Blackberries

First they came for our jobs. Then they came for our jobs again. They came for our jobs several times after this. But now the Mexicans are coming for our White House BlackBerries. At a meeting of Canadian, Mexican and U.S. officials this week, a Mexican aide “pocketed” several BlackBerries belonging to the U.S. delegation. Two questions: (1) How did this aide illegally get into the country in the first place? (2) Why didn’t we elect Mitt Romney to stop this illegal behavior? Read more on Mexicans Now Taking George W. Bush’s Blackberries…
 

Ice Queen Dana Perino Dismisses Vaguely Legal Question With ‘I’m Not a Lawyer’

It’s been a while since we last checked in on White House press secretary Dana Perino, America’s greatest asset. Do you think she’s learned what the Cuban Missile Crisis was since then? Probably not, since she is not smart. Yesterday’s press briefing took on the FISA surveillance extension — the one that those House Democrats refuse to make exactly into what George W. Bush wants, the traitors. Someone asked Dana if the Republicans were maybe going overboard by saying the Democrats’ stubbornness puts America at grave risk, since intelligence agencies can still “spy” and then get retroactive warrants. Dana responds that she knows nothing about the law. Read more on Ice Queen Dana Perino Dismisses Vaguely Legal Question With ‘I’m Not a Lawyer’…