Tag Archives: dana perino

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McCain Spokeswoman Gets in Twoooouble With The Boss

Here’s a Fox News clip from today of John McCain’s communications director Jill Hazelbaker, a.k.a. “the poor man’s Dana Perino.” She said that Barack Obama is not going to the Middle East to learn anything about the situation On The Ground — a stark contrast to avid listener John McCain, who learned about the two kinds of Muslims during his last trip to the region. Read more on McCain Spokeswoman Gets in Twoooouble With The Boss…
 

Perino: White House May, Uh, Not Necessarily, Well Maybe I Shouldn’t Say, Could Get In Trouble, Um, Er, Snarf, Destroy Scott McClellan

Now the thing about Scott McClellan is that he’s terrible, with his book, and he now may have tragically reopened the Valerie Plame “Plamegate” saga anew. John Conyers & Palz on the House Judiciary Committee are open to hearing McClellan’s testimony, meaning the White House will have to somehow stop him from testifying, meaning frozen royal press secretary Dana Perino had to give reporters some inadvertent “legal comedy” today, meaning ha ha, OH GOD. Read more on Perino: White House May, Uh, Not Necessarily, Well Maybe I Shouldn’t Say, Could Get In Trouble, Um, Er, Snarf, Destroy Scott McClellan…
 

Dana Perino Confused By Most Things, But Specifically McClellan’s Criticism

The White House has issued a Papal Bull in response to former press secretary Scott McClellan’s new book, in which he makes bland accusations about the Bush administration like “they may not have been completely trustworthy” in order to sell his otherwise unsellable crappy account of his pathetic life. The most recent White House press secretary, smokin’ hot monster Dana Perino, indicates in the pithy statement — which you can see after the jump!! — that she cannot read bookz. Read more on Dana Perino Confused By Most Things, But Specifically McClellan’s Criticism…
 

Dumb Old Dana Perino Calls Obama Self-Centered Ninny

After this morning’s speech where George W. Bush called Barack Obama a terrorist/Hitler, Barack Obama responded that this was false, and a Smear. How did “Icy Hot” White House Press Secretary Dana Perino respond then? By telling Barry that they weren’t talking about him, although it makes sense that his narcissistic ass would interpret it that way. Read more on Dumb Old Dana Perino Calls Obama Self-Centered Ninny…
 

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF DANA PERINO, SUPERHERO SPOKESLADY From the press gaggle at the White House yesterday afternoon: “Q. I also wanted to ask you about Afghanistan quickly. What is the President’s reaction to the attempt on President Karzai, and doesn’t it raise questions about the stability of the government security forces there? MS. PERINO: Well, I would point back to one thing that the President has said, which is that when you are dealing with terrorists you have to be right 100 percent of the time and they only have to be right once.” Oh sure! Unlike with, say, rapists and car mechanics. [White House] Read more on …
 

Mexicans Now Taking George W. Bush’s Blackberries

First they came for our jobs. Then they came for our jobs again. They came for our jobs several times after this. But now the Mexicans are coming for our White House BlackBerries. At a meeting of Canadian, Mexican and U.S. officials this week, a Mexican aide “pocketed” several BlackBerries belonging to the U.S. delegation. Two questions: (1) How did this aide illegally get into the country in the first place? (2) Why didn’t we elect Mitt Romney to stop this illegal behavior? Read more on Mexicans Now Taking George W. Bush’s Blackberries…
 

Ice Queen Dana Perino Dismisses Vaguely Legal Question With ‘I’m Not a Lawyer’

It’s been a while since we last checked in on White House press secretary Dana Perino, America’s greatest asset. Do you think she’s learned what the Cuban Missile Crisis was since then? Probably not, since she is not smart. Yesterday’s press briefing took on the FISA surveillance extension — the one that those House Democrats refuse to make exactly into what George W. Bush wants, the traitors. Someone asked Dana if the Republicans were maybe going overboard by saying the Democrats’ stubbornness puts America at grave risk, since intelligence agencies can still “spy” and then get retroactive warrants. Dana responds that she knows nothing about the law. Read more on Ice Queen Dana Perino Dismisses Vaguely Legal Question With ‘I’m Not a Lawyer’…
 

Sell, Sell, Sell NOW!

The economy is crumbling and very soon we will all be dead. For example, Apple expects sales to grow by 29% in its second fiscal quarter, and Wall Street is calling this a “disappointment” (Mr. Wall Street, he said it himself). But White House demon ice queen Dana Perino tells us “the long-term fundamental health of our economy is very strong,” which should ease the fears of the growing mortgage-default hobo brigade. [AP/Yahoo] Read more on Sell, Sell, Sell NOW!…
 

Dana Perino Spotted Not Commenting on Something

This week, Lauren Graham, Jon Tester and Dana Perino were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on Dana Perino Spotted Not Commenting on Something…
 

NYT Changes Subhead After Perino’s Bitching

After the White House released a statement lambasting the New York Times for a freaking sub-headline, the NYT has decided to play the bigger man by changing it online and issuing a correction. The controversial headline — “White House Role Was Wider Than It Said” — has been replaced with “Bush Lawyers Discussed Fate of Tapes.” As the Times‘ DC editor told Politico, however, “If they want to quibble with the deck, they have a legitimate point. But nobody is raising any questions with what the story is about, and what the story said.” Indeed, and now probably twice as many people have read the damning story. So Dana Perino continues to be a dumbshit, and the world is as it was. [Politico] Read more on NYT Changes Subhead After Perino’s Bitching…
 

Shocker: White House Pissed at NYT

Dana Perino, you icy chamberpot of talky talky death! Only one day after your pals Blackwater shot the New York Times‘ fucking dog, and you’re releasing a statement condemning its headline this morning? For being misleading? You, the White motherfucking House is calling someone else misleading? If you weren’t so damn pretty, I’d curse you out several more times. Read more on Shocker: White House Pissed at NYT…
 

Judiciary Committee Finally Issues Contempt Resolutions Against Bolten, Rove, Miers

Remember that horrific U.S. attorney firing scandal? You know, the one that was extraordinarily illegal and should be guaranteeing Democrats electoral dominance for the next 50 years, if they weren’t so bad at exploiting it? Well, the Senate Judiciary Committee approved contempt resolutions this morning against Karl Rove and White House chief of staff Josh Bolten for ignoring it. So… does this mean we get to put Alberto Gonzales in the pokey any time soon? Read more on Judiciary Committee Finally Issues Contempt Resolutions Against Bolten, Rove, Miers…
 

Dana Perino “Exaggerating” About Cuban Missile Crisis Retardation

During today’s White House Press Conference, Bushey press Secretary Dana Perino was asked, “Has the President teased you about the Cuban Missile Crisis at all?” This question erroneously presumes that Bush has a fucking clue what the Crisis was, but anyway, the White Rose of Poisony Ice Death responded, “No. It was a humorous show and I was exaggerating. Tell your host of your late-night show that.” Well I don’t have a late-night show or a host for it, but will do, Perino (Pareene-oh?). Oh, also — she said waterboarding is legal. Read more on Dana Perino “Exaggerating” About Cuban Missile Crisis Retardation…
 

Dana Perino Dumber Than Everyone Else in History

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino might not be a liar after all! All those times when she says “I don’t know” and “We’re still gathering the facts” could be 100% accurate, because she actually doesn’t know jackshit about the world around her. Perino appeared on NPR’s jolly Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me program this weekend and stupidly told the world a story best kept private: She has no goddamn clue what the Cuban Missile Crisis was. Read more on Dana Perino Dumber Than Everyone Else in History…
 

Friday Fun With Icy Queen Dana Perino!

So you know how the CIA destroyed tapes of [fun and happy!] interrogations of al Qaeda operatives in 2005? Well some Demrats like Ted Kennedy and Dick Durbin having already called for Michael Mukasey to lead an investigation, which will obviously never happen. There’s a war going on, people! Anyway, the would-be scandal’s served White House Press Secretary Dana Perino another heaping pile of shit to eat in an already dense week, and she was the antithesis of informative today. The count for her most commonly used phrases today was: “I don’t know” — seven times; “decline to comment/not commenting” — 10 times; and “still gathering facts/gather the facts” — 11 times. So this little deletey situation should get cleared up right quick. [White House, NYT] Read more on Friday Fun With Icy Queen Dana Perino!…
 

Dana Perino Spices Up Reporter’s Life

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino’s job got a little harder this week, what with the new task of convincing the public that it should consider the peaceful Iran NIE hostile. The lovely deathbot likes to take out her frustration on biased and/or dumb questioners during times like these, and today when some guy asked about AIDS research, she told him to “just stop it, stop it.” Read more on Dana Perino Spices Up Reporter’s Life…
 

Dana Perino: Global Warming Helps the Cold, Poor

Does Dana Perino even believe herself anymore? At today’s White House press briefing, the comely mouthpiece was defending the Bush Administration against charges that they muzzled their own scientists’ global warming reports. She seemed to sense the prying eyes of satirical bloggers when she let loose with the following howler: Read more on Dana Perino: Global Warming Helps the Cold, Poor…
 

“WASHINGTON (Reuters) – White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, who has been battling cancer, plans to step down on September 14 and he will be replaced his deputy, Dana Perino, a U.S. official said. ” Read more on …
 

Perino: Our Only Crime Is Being Too Ethical

The White House deleted a couple million emails that may or may not be related to their mysterious firing of a buncha federal prosecutors. The emails — and here’s the tricky bit — were sent from private RNC-sponsored non-government accounts, which is kinda-sorta illegal. But hey, sometimes you accidentally subvert the Democratic process when you’re trying oh-so-hard to follow the law as you purposefully misunderstand it. Read more on Perino: Our Only Crime Is Being Too Ethical…
 

Icy Sexpot Dana Perino Makes a Funny!

So you’re elevated to your current position because your predecessor got cancer, and every single official you represent is a thieving scumbag with 2% approval ratings, and the country is so crippled that Honduras could probably launch a successful invasion. What do you do, Dana Perino? You make Alex Trebek jokes, obviously: MS. PERINO: Les. Q Yes, thank you, Dana. Two questions on American business. In the – MS. PERINO: American business for 200. (Laughter.) I’ve always wanted to be on that show. Go ahead, Les, I’m sorry. But what was the question? Something about how America has been intentionally deindustrialized and wages have stagnated or dropped for all but the top 10% of earners and blue-collar union jobs have been eliminated leaving a vast working class with no hope for anything beyond lifelong credit-card debt and children who finish school unable to read? Ha ha, of course not. Let’s run down the category JOURNALISTS ARE SELF-OBSESSED TWATS, after the jump. Read more on Icy Sexpot Dana Perino Makes a Funny!…
 

Not Even Saudi King Will Touch Dubya Now

Lifelong Bush girlfriend and Saudi King Abdullah is now calling Bush’s Iraq disaster an “illegitimate foreign occupation.” Abdullah says the Americans need to get lost, now. Looks like Bandar Bush just lost his private room at the Crawford mansion! Read more on Not Even Saudi King Will Touch Dubya Now…
 

Breaking: Clintons to Snub Tony Snow

White House spokesman Tony Snow has cancer again, his omnipresent “live strong” bracelet having failed its wearer yet again. Snow went in Monday to have a small growth removed from his pelvic area, and doctors discovered that the cancer’s back. Snow, despite being fairly smarmy, is not actually one of the individuals currently fucking everything up that we’d happily say cancer is too good for, so we wish him a speedy and full recovery. And hell, whoever’d replace him would probably just be worse, unless it’s that cutie Dana Perino. What a cutie! And a dangerous liar, but the pretty ones always are. Read more on Breaking: Clintons to Snub Tony Snow…