dana perino

It was a sad day across the Fox News Channel yesterday as the re-emergence of Monica Lewinsky and her coming essay about her long-ago affair with Bill Clinton knocked the BENGHAAAZI!!!11!! “scandal” out of the headlines, forcing the leprous sacks of skin that anchor Fox’s shows to talk about something else for five minutes. And […]

We all know that Fox News is nothing but faux-outrage over Benghazi — excuse us, BENGHAZI!111!!! — 24/7, but their certainty that everyone else is just as pretend-mad is one of the weirdest parts of their obsession. Today, cap-sleeve-wearing thought jumble Dana Perino is super mad that Bamz is going to go talk so some […]

Yesterday our Glorious Leader Barack Obama (peace be upon him) took to the White House press room for a briefing with the inchoate brain stems that masquerade as the national media. We didn’t watch this because we have some pride and self-respect (also, we were drunk), but we understand that B. Barry Bamz first talked […]

The giant drugstore chain CVS announced it will no longer be selling cigarettes, and Barack Obama said a thing, like, “that’s nice. Health,” or something, we don’t know, it was pretty anodyne. Did Fox News run every picture of Barack Obama smoking it could find and then bleat and guffaw about haw haw hypocrite? It […]

What is it we’re supposed to never forget again? George W. Bush, August 6, 2001: Bush listened to the briefing [Bin Laden determined to strike in US], Suskind says, then told the CIA briefer: “All right. You’ve covered your ass, now.” George W. Bush, March 13, 2002: [Bin Laden's] just a person who’s been marginalized. […]

Your Wonkette comes bearing sad news: Helen Thomas, “White House Crone,” died today at age 92 after a long and eventful tour through the halls of the White House. Younger Wonketeers may only know her from that 2010 video where she made anti-Semitic comments , but she was also the first woman assigned to a full time position as […]

Did you know that it is Let’s Pretend George W. Bush Was Teh Awesome Week? No? Neither did we, because we did not get that memo, and also, the way we remember it, he sucked harder than an industrial-strength Hoover — what with how he shredded the Constitution, did war to the wrong goddamn countries, […]

Well, here is something totally unexpected: the moron quintet at Fox, The Five, is pretty sure thar be terrorists, or at least terrorist sympathizers, in Congress. And no, they’re not talking about Rep. Peter King, who is a bona fide terrorist sympathizer — but only for the white kind so it’s okay somehow, but shhh, […]

Unless you are a cave-dweller or some sort of luddite (in which case it is weird that you broke your anti-technology stance for Wonkette, but bqhatevwr) you were unable to avoid the Mr. Z goes to Cuba movie this week, complete with Jay-Z diss track. If you are a normal person, you listened to the […]

In the wake of that football player shooting his  girlfriend and also an entire human history of widespread violence against women,Fox’s Dana Perino has an innovative solution  to end the abuse! Did you know that probably a majority of the time, women who are beaten consciously make a decision to be with the right nut […]

INTRO: THE WHO, “WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN” CHYRON: GOP ELECTION OFFICIALS BLOCKED FROM ENTERING POLLING SITES IN PA, JUDGE REINSTATES THEM [B-ROLL: The new New Black Panther, with foxy shades on]

Did you hear that California — the Golden Dream by the Sea — is having a wee little problem with its economy? What happened was a million years ago some proto-Grover Norquists made it impossible to ever raise taxes in the state, both by requiring a two-thirds supermajority in the Lege and by mandating that […]

Here are just a few reasons why you should move to the Moon as soon as possible: Predictable asshole Scott Walker has threatened to fire public employees if his famous union-busting bill remains tied up in court. Meanwhile, Barack Obama is frantically Zeppelin-bombing brown people all over the world, for Freedom — and our trillion-dollar […]

Congratulations, America. You’ve raised an entire generation of worthless junkies who will probably never know the simple pleasures of a corporate 9-5 or wholesome church picnics with the wife and kids or any of that good hearty American stuff. No, sir. Instead, these smackheads will just sit around all day and collect their welfare checks […]

How many times has Obama uttered the difficult five-syllable word “unprecedented” during his White House term? According to the Politico‘s arbitrary (and would-be time-consuming, if they weren’t just making it up) count: 129 times! The last American president George W. Bush Junior said it 262 times! BUT IN EIGHT YEARS! Dana Perino went to journalism […]