Tag Archives: dana loesch

  What A Friend We Have In Cheeses

Wonkette Fires Gay For Freedom, Make Us GoFundMe Now

Something must be done about all this nondiscriminating!
Yr Wonkette was pretty impressed by the story of Memories Pizza, the brave little Christian-owned pizzeria in Walkerton, Indiana, which announced it would definitely not cater any gay weddings, no way, not ever. It was a pretty brave stance, considering that there are probably fewer gay weddings featuring pizza than there are sightings of the Loch Ness Monster in Death Valley. Read more on Wonkette Fires Gay For Freedom, Make Us GoFundMe Now…
  if ayatollah once ayatollah twice...

Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama

Same, Beaker. Same.
On Thursday, the Prophet Obama (peace be upon him) won a great victory over the infidels. Or at least a framework for the final agreement of a great victory of the infidels. And the infidels were not pleased! Of course we’re talking about conservatives and the greater wingnuttgentsia, which took to Twitter and blogs and the airwaves to snark and howl like Ben Stiller when he got his dick stuck in his zipper. It was thoroughly entertaining. Here’s a small selection of the shitfit that will likely continue until Iran mercifully nukes America so we don’t have to listen to the conservatives whining about Iranian nukes anymore. Read more on Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama…
  We Have Some Fun With It

Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs

Dana Loesch, America's greatest living satirist
Move over, Mark Twain, because there’s a new master of English-language political satire, and it is bespectacled she-troll Dana Loesch! It has been a while since Loesch graced us with her signature brand of satire. Thankfully, she is here with a new video to remind us all why conservatives suck at satire and why you avoided on-campus sketch comedy troupes when you were in college. Here’s Dana’s new video called “Jobs for Jihadis,” it is very funny, and we think you will enjoy the film’s high production values and smart writing. We will blockquote some of our favorite dialogue at you, because it is really clever. Read more on Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs…
  dept. of oh shut up

Here’s Everything That Killed Eric Garner (Other Than A Cop)

For a bunch of people who forever criticize liberals for “never letting a crisis go to waste,” conservatives sure are trying hard to tie their onerous taxes hobbyhorse (among other things) to Eric Garner’s death. Sen. Rand Paul was the most prominent but by no means the only member of the right to try watering the tree of liberty with the blood of stupid. Here are a few more we have collected for you to read, because we hate you. (Kidding! We love you! Buy our coffee mugs!) Read more on Here’s Everything That Killed Eric Garner (Other Than A Cop)…
  Isn't It Iconic? A Little Too Iconic.

Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?

2014 America in one photo
Just a quick question for Todd Starnes and Bill O’Reilly: Would this photo be better or worse if the sign said “Merry Christmas”? Our guess: If Fox News does mention this sign, one of the resident Professionally Oppressed Christians will argue that perhaps Ferguson brought some of the misery on itself. If only they’d reminded the young hotheads — the rioters, of course, not the dudes firing tear gas willy nilly — that Jesus is the Reason for the Season, they’d have calmed down and gone home. We can almost guarantee we will see someone claim that in all sincerity. Read more on Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?…
  wonkette world o' books

Clip & Save! Your Handy Wonkette Review Of (Part Of) Dana Loesch’s New ‘Book’

An armed society of intelligent cats is a polite society of intelligent cats.
We were planning to review for your enjoyment Amazon’s free preview of Dana Loesch’s new book-like substance, Hands Off My Gun, because who doesn’t want to spend a nice afternoon slogging through a piece of writing that is one step removed from the crude etchings some Neanderthal left on the wall of a cave ten thousand years ago. It would be impossible to be more generous than that to Dana even if we didn’t already think she is an insane ball of white-hot derp. Read more on Clip & Save! Your Handy Wonkette Review Of (Part Of) Dana Loesch’s New ‘Book’…
  Not Quite As Nuanced As 'The Gong Show'

Dana Loesch Destroys Feminism Forever, With Hilarious Rightwing ‘Comedy’ Video

It's funny 'cause feminists are fat ugly dykes who hate America!
Here’s a thing that exists! Dana Loesch has a teevee show on Glenn Beck’s cable/internet channel, and she does hilarious rightwing comedy on it! Remember how dumb feminist ladies thought that Jeopardy! was a tad sexist when it suggested that women spend all their time dreaming of a new vacuum cleaner? Well, Dana and her crack team of writers (we assume there are writers?) couldn’t wait to mock how dumb feminists are for hating the family and housework and everything that is right with the world, so they made their very own Jeopardy! sketch, with clues like this: Read more on Dana Loesch Destroys Feminism Forever, With Hilarious Rightwing ‘Comedy’ Video…
  don't know much about history

Dana Loesch All In A Bother About Redskins Or Something (Unclear)

We saw some hilarious reactions yesterday to the Patent Office’s decision to revoke the Washington Redskins trademark. (Note to #tcot: private citizens using the legal system to convince the Patent Office to revoke a trademark is not communism by any stretch of even the most fevered imaginations besides yours.) But by far the weirdest and most hilarious came from Wonkette favorite Dana Loesch, who nearly had a coronary ranting on Twitter about the decision. What exactly was the human-shaped puddle of monkey vomit so worked up about? Let’s ragesplore. Read more on Dana Loesch All In A Bother About Redskins Or Something (Unclear)…
  undercover brother

Stupidest Man On Internet Sets Progressives Reeling With Brave Coverage Of Hahahahahahahahahaha

Did you feel it? DID YOU FEEL IT? That was the earth moving, baby, and the internet landscape shifting, as Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, unveiled his new project, which he made with the help of our lord and savior Jesus Christ plus a basic wordpress template, and he has shined his godly flashlight on … the 15th annual White Privilege Conference, where some speakers said — and we are ashamed to tell you this — America was built for white people and the Tea Party is racist. WHUT. Burn your Communist Party USA cards, people, we can’t be liberal or marxist or socialist or progressive or mildly centrist Democrats anymore, because the left has been TAKEN OVER by very dangerous people who think there is systematic racism in our courts and other institutions and that it is harder to be black than white in this country, and we certainly can’t associate with that. Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Sets Progressives Reeling With Brave Coverage Of Hahahahahahahahahaha…
  our cold dead cans

Ain’t No Party Like An NRA Party ‘Cause At An NRA Party People Wave Guns Around Like A Bunch Of Jackasses, And Other Gun News

Over the weekend the National Rifle Association held its annual Gun Fetishization and Circle Jerk for Dim-Bulb Paranoids. The lucky host city was Indianapolis, which saw itself invaded by 70,000 armed lunatics for three days of strutting jingoism and fear-mongering. Ghoulish death-head Wayne LaPierre showed up to give the very same speech that he gave at CPAC last month, which seems appropriate, since the NRA convention is basically CPAC with weaponry. Towards the end of the speech, LaPierre showed a television commercial that has to be seen to be believed (It starts at about 17:05 in the above video). As a bonus, it stars Wonkette favorite Mr. Colion Noir, who we are sad to see has yet to find a director who can get him to tone down the overly dramatic line readings. Did you feel it? Do you believe in America again? Read more on Ain’t No Party Like An NRA Party ‘Cause At An NRA Party People Wave Guns Around Like A Bunch Of Jackasses, And Other Gun News…
  pick a bale of cotton

Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)

Grazing fees scofflaw Cliven Bundy must be feeling pretty confident now that the Bureau of Land Management has backed down on seizing his cattle, he’s surrounded by his own armed militia and his heroism has earned him a three-week-long blowjob from the wingnut media. So confident, in fact, that he decided to expound on some other issues that have been on his mind, apparently since at least the 1950s. “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” he said. Mr. Bundy recalled driving past a public-housing project in North Las Vegas, “and in front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids — and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch — they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do. And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he asked. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.” Yeah, why didn’t those poor blacks in North Las Vegas teach their young ‘uns to pick cotton and then send them to work the fields in some cotton-producing region of the United States? They could have a family life, all sitting around together in a barn or a tarpaper shack at the end of the workday, rubbing their blisters while they sing uplifting songs. Those families that haven’t been sold off piecemeal to other cotton plantations, anyway. Read more on Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)…
  a hot time in the old town

Dana Loesch Will Be On The View As Soon As ABC Installs Shatterproof Lenses In All Its Cameras

Set your DVRs, people! Squealing rage nymph Dana Loesch will be a guest co-host on ABC’s daytime television drama for ladies The View on February 3, which is…(checks calendar) Monday! Holy shit! We have to buy a DVR! And a TV! Yuck. Maybe we’re old-fashioned but we still like to imagine daytime TV through a soft and fuzzy filter, a place where Ellen DeGeneres can thrive or those nice ladies Hoda and Kathie Lee can do some day-drinking on camera and giggle and fall all over themselves like a couple of excitable puppies. Imagine the conversation in the production offices of The View that led to this decision. Read more on Dana Loesch Will Be On The View As Soon As ABC Installs Shatterproof Lenses In All Its Cameras…
  eviscerate the proletariat!

Conservatives Turn Out In Support Of Poor Beleaguered Rapacious Fast Food Corporations

Over at Michelle Malkin’s Twitter Dump for Adderall Deficient Jackanapes, the wingnuts are having a giant happy because fast food workers across the nation are striking for a living wage, which gives the knuckle-dragging cholesterol bombs of the right an excuse (as if they needed one) to patronize every McDonalds and Hardees from sea to shining sea for every meal they eat today. Because the hell with Big Labor thugs or fast food employees not having to sell their bodily organs to pay the bills! Workers are demanding a minimum wage of $15, which doesn’t sound so unreasonable to us, but we’re giant Marxists who think people should not have to work two jobs just to afford the rent on a single room in one of those long-term occupancy hotels where the front-desk clerk sits behind bulletproof glass. Obviously this might impinge on your average Mickey D’s ability to run its Dollar Menu promotion on the regular, so you wingnuts will just have to pay a little more for the privilege of gobbling those artery-clogging Big Macs when you take your spouses out for Date Night. Cry us a fucking river. Read more on Conservatives Turn Out In Support Of Poor Beleaguered Rapacious Fast Food Corporations…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

We Were Told There Would Be No Math In Your Gun Fun Times Roundup

Greetings, filthy liberal gun grabbers! Does this seem like a bad time for a roundup of stupid gun-related news? We were thinking about writing this periodic update over the weekend, and then Monday happened, and also Sad Lee Stranahan was manfully whining at us for being mean to him just because he’s A Idiot, and it just seemed safer for our blood pressure to stay off of Twitter and the Internet and away from the debate altogether. But now we have had a day or two to absorb this latest tragedy and can write without becoming so enraged that blood spurts out of our eyeballs. We think. As Napoleon reportedly said while watching his armies cross into Russia, screw it, what’s the worst that could happen? Read more on We Were Told There Would Be No Math In Your Gun Fun Times Roundup…
  classy

Dana Loesch’s Desk Is A Joyous Celebration Of Violence

It was Sunday, fifty years to the day since the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama. Dana Loesch, feeling head to toe like someone Nielsen would rate as one of the top 16 most powerful mothers online, was sitting at her desk. The Misfits played softly: it was that song with the guitars and the yelling, her favorite. She looked over her desk, and she saw something, a “vignette,” maybe — she’d have to look it up — and instantly she knew: the world must learn of this.  So she Instagrammed that shit: “Nice,” said Dana to her grenade. Read more on Dana Loesch’s Desk Is A Joyous Celebration Of Violence…
  the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward shooting

Dana Loesch Says Dana Loesch Is Your New Martin Luther King, America

Yesterday we mentioned the presence of sniveling rage sack Dana Loesch at this weekend’s “A Farewell to Arms” rally in Colorado. What we did not get around to discussing was the speech this great orator delivered, which is too bad because it sounds as if it was quite the stemwinder. Did you know that Dana Loesch is some sort of civil rights hero? It’s true! She was on Twitter all day Monday refusing to shut the fuck up about it! Set the scene for us, Raw Story: Appearing at a Colorado gun show and rally on Saturday supporting the recall election of gun control advocate and state Senate President John Morse (D), Republican blogger and Internet radio host Dana Loesch took the stage with a unique, weaponized cover of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have A Dream” speech. Oh good, there is nothing we like more than the wingnuts’ continued equating of the long struggle for civil rights for African-Americans with their own desire to amass goddamn arsenals of killing machines. Gun ownership is a civil right, dontcha know. Maybe we should pile some bubble wrap on this desk before we go any further. Read more on Dana Loesch Says Dana Loesch Is Your New Martin Luther King, America…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup

Guten Tag, liberal Wonkstaffel! With the upcoming holiday when all good God-fearing Americans celebrate the founding of the Greatest Nation in the History of Ever™, we thought it a good opportunity to check up on the continued efforts to protect/eviscerate that most sacred of all American freedoms, the right to vote the right to own as many death-dealing penis substitutes as you need to feel safe and secure in your own home. Specifically, we were wondering about our old friend Steamin’ Adam Kokesh and his plans for this glorious Fourth of July now that he has canceled his Million Armed Lunatics March on our nation’s capital. In its place Adam had called on his followers to march in small groups on all fifty state capitals in an event he is calling the Final American Revolution, and we wanted to reassure ourselves that our decision to be nowhere near Sacramento or even Phoenix this Thursday was a good one (really this is a good decision for any day of the year.) Read more on Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup…
  world's greatest deliberative body

Budget That Wingnuts Demanded Still On Hold Because Of Wingnuts

Dumbfuck screech machine Dana Loesch and her merry band of ideological brethren have a giant confused today, which is a not uncommon condition for stupid people punching above their intellectual weight. What, aside from the usual stuff like the operating principle behind doorknobs, has the wingnutteratti more befuddled than Lindsay Graham in a West Hollywood bathhouse? Read more on Budget That Wingnuts Demanded Still On Hold Because Of Wingnuts…
  battle of who could care less

Piers Morgan Responds To London Terror Killing By Uninviting Dana Loesch From His Birthday Party

In a concrete demonstration of what happens when insufferable jerkbag meets irredeemable boor, Dana Loesch and Piers Morgan had themselves a big ol’ Twitter fight Wednesday, the occasion being Loesch’s tweet in response to the decapitation of a British soldier by a pair of terrorists. Dana made a funny joke about why gun control is useless, because really, everything is gun control with these guys (when it’s not abortion or Benghazi, of course): “Was the guy with the machete a member of the NRA? Asking for a friend.” We totally get her point, because in U.S. Amercia, the radical Muslim terrorist would have been able to use an AR-15 and really do some damage, instead of just having to attack with a machete and a meat cleaver. That was your point, right Dana? In any case, it’s good to know that in the face of an ‘orrible murder, these asshats managed to make it All About Them. Read more on Piers Morgan Responds To London Terror Killing By Uninviting Dana Loesch From His Birthday Party…
  Missouri Compromised

Missouri, We Need To Talk About Jim Hoft

It is an Easter Miracle more improbable than the original: Poop lollipop Jim Hoft has the most-read news website in the vacuum of skepticism known as Missouri. Suffice it to say your Wonkette thought Hoft was once again talking out of his ass when he bragged that his fetid outhouse on the net captured more traffic in the past month than those connected to actual newspapers. However, after spending 15 minutes checking Alexa, it turns out that this is one of the few instances where Hoft was not presenting his unique brand of delusional drivel as “facts.” The fact that we wasted 15 minutes of our short existence fact-checking Jim Hoft (TRIVIA: this is more than Jim Hoft has ever spent checking facts) is as disturbing as the thought of a John McCain sex tape. Read more on Missouri, We Need To Talk About Jim Hoft…