Tag Archives: dana loesch

  'Slumber 101' Instruction Book Not Included

Ted Cruz Tells Obama And Clinton To Stop Rubbing Their Lithe Bodies All Over Islamic Tyrants

Why is Obama so afraid of this man?
Ted Cruz has apparently had enough of all the Hitler rhetoric over the Iran nukes deal, and is now suggesting that Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Kerry want to have a hot swinger foursome with Iran and maybe even a big ol’ sex-pile with other Enemies Of America. Read more on Ted Cruz Tells Obama And Clinton To Stop Rubbing Their Lithe Bodies All Over Islamic Tyrants…
  Won't Someone Please Think Of The HOA?

Wingnuts Outraged Teen In Bikini Forced Hero Cop To Smack Her Around Some

She probably doesn't like crosseyed pegasi in the pool either.
The National Conversation On The Pool Party Gone Awry in McKinney, Texas, took a familiar turn after the first full day of media exposure. Yr Wonkette was astonished to see that on Sunday, even the nine full-time staffers of Twitchy initially condemned the McKinney police officer, now identified as Cpl. Eric Casebolt, for manhandling a 15-year-old girl in a swimsuit. But by Monday night, they had rejoined their readers in worrying about how All The Blacks are blowing this out of proportion, with a scary story warning that the Nation of Islam and the New Black Panthers were joining the growing protests. And thus was order restored to the WingnuttoSphere. Read more on Wingnuts Outraged Teen In Bikini Forced Hero Cop To Smack Her Around Some…
  he knows what Kids These Days are into

Gov. Scott Walker: Ultrasounds Are So Hella Cool They Should Be MANDATORY

He has ALL the confuse
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker does not understand why you libtards do not like the nice anti-abortion bill he signed in 2013. Recently, a federal judge smacked part of it down, saying that requiring abortion doctors to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital is “unconstitutional,” like as if. Walker told wingnut radio host Dana Loesch he doesn’t understand why everybody isn’t excited about a different part of his totally baller law, the part that forces ladies who want abortions to have ultrasounds and hear descriptions of the fetus. (It looks like a fetus!) Why? Because ultrasounds are totally cool, bro: Read more on Gov. Scott Walker: Ultrasounds Are So Hella Cool They Should Be MANDATORY…
  There Goes Hillary Murderin' Folks Again

‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do

Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton's real face, we guess.
Peter Schweizer, whose book-shaped object Clinton Cash has apparently set some kind of record for Most Debunkings Before Actual Publication, is doing his darndest to keep hyping the thing, which finally slouches into bookstores today. On Monday’s edition of Dana Loesch’s stupid radio show, Loesch asked Schweizer if he’s worried that he’ll be murdered, just like everyone else who’s dared to oppose the Clintons (with the exception of the entire Republican House and Senate membership during Bill Clinton’s two terms, of course). Read more on ‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do…
  What A Friend We Have In Cheeses

Wonkette Fires Gay For Freedom, Make Us GoFundMe Now

Something must be done about all this nondiscriminating!
Yr Wonkette was pretty impressed by the story of Memories Pizza, the brave little Christian-owned pizzeria in Walkerton, Indiana, which announced it would definitely not cater any gay weddings, no way, not ever. It was a pretty brave stance, considering that there are probably fewer gay weddings featuring pizza than there are sightings of the Loch Ness Monster in Death Valley. Read more on Wonkette Fires Gay For Freedom, Make Us GoFundMe Now…
  if ayatollah once ayatollah twice...

Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama

Same, Beaker. Same.
On Thursday, the Prophet Obama (peace be upon him) won a great victory over the infidels. Or at least a framework for the final agreement of a great victory of the infidels. And the infidels were not pleased! Of course we’re talking about conservatives and the greater wingnuttgentsia, which took to Twitter and blogs and the airwaves to snark and howl like Ben Stiller when he got his dick stuck in his zipper. It was thoroughly entertaining. Here’s a small selection of the shitfit that will likely continue until Iran mercifully nukes America so we don’t have to listen to the conservatives whining about Iranian nukes anymore. Read more on Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama…
  We Have Some Fun With It

Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs

Dana Loesch, America's greatest living satirist
Move over, Mark Twain, because there’s a new master of English-language political satire, and it is bespectacled she-troll Dana Loesch! It has been a while since Loesch graced us with her signature brand of satire. Thankfully, she is here with a new video to remind us all why conservatives suck at satire and why you avoided on-campus sketch comedy troupes when you were in college. Here’s Dana’s new video called “Jobs for Jihadis,” it is very funny, and we think you will enjoy the film’s high production values and smart writing. We will blockquote some of our favorite dialogue at you, because it is really clever. Read more on Dana Loesch Has Very Clever, Satirical Humor Thoughts About Dumb Ay-rabs…
  dept. of oh shut up

Here’s Everything That Killed Eric Garner (Other Than A Cop)

You think you're Doing Unto Others? Really, bitch?
For a bunch of people who forever criticize liberals for “never letting a crisis go to waste,” conservatives sure are trying hard to tie their onerous taxes hobbyhorse (among other things) to Eric Garner’s death. Sen. Rand Paul was the most prominent but by no means the only member of the right to try watering the tree of liberty with the blood of stupid. Here are a few more we have collected for you to read, because we hate you. (Kidding! We love you! Buy our coffee mugs!) Read more on Here’s Everything That Killed Eric Garner (Other Than A Cop)…
  Isn't It Iconic? A Little Too Iconic.

Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?

2014 America in one photo
Just a quick question for Todd Starnes and Bill O’Reilly: Would this photo be better or worse if the sign said “Merry Christmas”? Our guess: If Fox News does mention this sign, one of the resident Professionally Oppressed Christians will argue that perhaps Ferguson brought some of the misery on itself. If only they’d reminded the young hotheads — the rioters, of course, not the dudes firing tear gas willy nilly — that Jesus is the Reason for the Season, they’d have calmed down and gone home. We can almost guarantee we will see someone claim that in all sincerity. Read more on Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?…
  wonkette world o' books

Clip & Save! Your Handy Wonkette Review Of (Part Of) Dana Loesch’s New ‘Book’

An armed society of intelligent cats is a polite society of intelligent cats.
We were planning to review for your enjoyment Amazon’s free preview of Dana Loesch’s new book-like substance, Hands Off My Gun, because who doesn’t want to spend a nice afternoon slogging through a piece of writing that is one step removed from the crude etchings some Neanderthal left on the wall of a cave ten thousand years ago. It would be impossible to be more generous than that to Dana even if we didn’t already think she is an insane ball of white-hot derp. Read more on Clip & Save! Your Handy Wonkette Review Of (Part Of) Dana Loesch’s New ‘Book’…
  Not Quite As Nuanced As 'The Gong Show'

Dana Loesch Destroys Feminism Forever, With Hilarious Rightwing ‘Comedy’ Video

It's funny 'cause feminists are fat ugly dykes who hate America!
Here’s a thing that exists! Dana Loesch has a teevee show on Glenn Beck’s cable/internet channel, and she does hilarious rightwing comedy on it! Remember how dumb feminist ladies thought that Jeopardy! was a tad sexist when it suggested that women spend all their time dreaming of a new vacuum cleaner? Well, Dana and her crack team of writers (we assume there are writers?) couldn’t wait to mock how dumb feminists are for hating the family and housework and everything that is right with the world, so they made their very own Jeopardy! sketch, with clues like this: Read more on Dana Loesch Destroys Feminism Forever, With Hilarious Rightwing ‘Comedy’ Video…
  don't know much about history

Dana Loesch All In A Bother About Redskins Or Something (Unclear)

We saw some hilarious reactions yesterday to the Patent Office’s decision to revoke the Washington Redskins trademark. (Note to #tcot: private citizens using the legal system to convince the Patent Office to revoke a trademark is not communism by any stretch of even the most fevered imaginations besides yours.) But by far the weirdest and most hilarious came from Wonkette favorite Dana Loesch, who nearly had a coronary ranting on Twitter about the decision. What exactly was the human-shaped puddle of monkey vomit so worked up about? Let’s ragesplore. Read more on Dana Loesch All In A Bother About Redskins Or Something (Unclear)…
  undercover brother

Stupidest Man On Internet Sets Progressives Reeling With Brave Coverage Of Hahahahahahahahahaha

Did you feel it? DID YOU FEEL IT? That was the earth moving, baby, and the internet landscape shifting, as Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, unveiled his new project, which he made with the help of our lord and savior Jesus Christ plus a basic wordpress template, and he has shined his godly flashlight on … the 15th annual White Privilege Conference, where some speakers said — and we are ashamed to tell you this — America was built for white people and the Tea Party is racist. WHUT. Burn your Communist Party USA cards, people, we can’t be liberal or marxist or socialist or progressive or mildly centrist Democrats anymore, because the left has been TAKEN OVER by very dangerous people who think there is systematic racism in our courts and other institutions and that it is harder to be black than white in this country, and we certainly can’t associate with that. Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Sets Progressives Reeling With Brave Coverage Of Hahahahahahahahahaha…
  our cold dead cans

Ain’t No Party Like An NRA Party ‘Cause At An NRA Party People Wave Guns Around Like A Bunch Of Jackasses, And Other Gun News

Over the weekend the National Rifle Association held its annual Gun Fetishization and Circle Jerk for Dim-Bulb Paranoids. The lucky host city was Indianapolis, which saw itself invaded by 70,000 armed lunatics for three days of strutting jingoism and fear-mongering. Ghoulish death-head Wayne LaPierre showed up to give the very same speech that he gave at CPAC last month, which seems appropriate, since the NRA convention is basically CPAC with weaponry. Towards the end of the speech, LaPierre showed a television commercial that has to be seen to be believed (It starts at about 17:05 in the above video). As a bonus, it stars Wonkette favorite Mr. Colion Noir, who we are sad to see has yet to find a director who can get him to tone down the overly dramatic line readings. Did you feel it? Do you believe in America again? Read more on Ain’t No Party Like An NRA Party ‘Cause At An NRA Party People Wave Guns Around Like A Bunch Of Jackasses, And Other Gun News…
  pick a bale of cotton

Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)

Grazing fees scofflaw Cliven Bundy must be feeling pretty confident now that the Bureau of Land Management has backed down on seizing his cattle, he’s surrounded by his own armed militia and his heroism has earned him a three-week-long blowjob from the wingnut media. So confident, in fact, that he decided to expound on some other issues that have been on his mind, apparently since at least the 1950s. “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” he said. Mr. Bundy recalled driving past a public-housing project in North Las Vegas, “and in front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids — and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch — they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do. And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he asked. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.” Yeah, why didn’t those poor blacks in North Las Vegas teach their young ‘uns to pick cotton and then send them to work the fields in some cotton-producing region of the United States? They could have a family life, all sitting around together in a barn or a tarpaper shack at the end of the workday, rubbing their blisters while they sing uplifting songs. Those families that haven’t been sold off piecemeal to other cotton plantations, anyway. Read more on Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)…