Tag Archives: dan savage

  And they did it wearing flannel!

Clever Gay-Hating Bigot Children Hang Nooses, Offer To Lynch Gay Kids. For Jesus.

Haha bros, sorry you dressed up as a gay stereotype and stuff.
Students at McGuffey High School in Claysville, Pennsylvania — not far from Pittsburgh, but far enough away that they are in the “Alabama” section of the state — have had it with having to live in a world where LGBT also live and make a point, one day a year, about how they do not want to be bullied (and worse) by their classmates, for being gay. So in response to the high school’s annual Day Of Silence, the Not Gay kids decided to hold “anti-gay” days on Thursday and Friday, where they all got to dress up as lesbians as bears in flannel shirts, and they wrote “anti-gay” on their hands, and, according to openly bisexual student Zoe Johnson, made a list of gay kids to hang, as kids do: Read more on Clever Gay-Hating Bigot Children Hang Nooses, Offer To Lynch Gay Kids. For Jesus….
  Are We Having Funds Yet?

How Much Money Will God And Liberals Send To Maine Family Planning Group?

That's Why I Love Mankind
Looks like the Culture Wars have spilled over from food fights to competing claims of divine intervention in fundraising campaigns. With the Great Indiana Gay Pizza Crisis (please give generously) finally at an end — or at least the GoFundMe page no longer taking contributions — there’s now an attempt to get Big Gay-Hating monees for the Washington florist who had to pay a $1000 fine for refusing to do the flowers for a same-sex wedding. That one is currently at $127,000, a pretty good return on a fine. Read more on How Much Money Will God And Liberals Send To Maine Family Planning Group?…
  God and Jesus are the same people you don't have to say it twice JOE

Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!

Do you all remember last week, when Republican Presidential (Hilariously) Hopeful Ben Carson said that we know that gayness is a choice, due to all these dudes go to prison, and they end up doing Guy Sex while they’re in there? And how when they get out of prison, they never sexxx a lady again, due to they have been cured of their heterosexuality, by the guy who runs the prison gang? (He didn’t say that part, but we’re taking it to its natural conclusion.) Read more on Handsome Joe Biden Knows How Stupid Ben Carson’s Gay Prison Comments Were, Jesus, God!…
  no heart huckabee

Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer

Huckabee preparing to hold a shotgun to the head of a black American.
Dear practitioners of homogay buttsechs, Mike Huckabee — former Arkansas governor, Baptist minister, once and future failed presidential candidate, once and future Fox News host, Ted Nugent’s buddy (which does not at all make him a big ol’ hypocrite, no you shut up), America’s Great Moral Scold — would like you to know that he would just love to be your friend, because he doesn’t discriminate against friends based on their Lifestyle Choice, even if those Lifestyle Choices will condemn them to an eternity of roasting in perdition’s flames. Gosh, some of his friends use naughty words and drink the devil’s liquid, and Mike Huckabee is still their friend, because he is a Nice Guy. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer…
  Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice & Jesus

Christian Swingers Will Make You Come (To Jesus)

Rock Me Sexxy Jesus!
From Dan Savage (who is apparently too good to drink with us in Seattle — more on that soon), comes this disturbing video of people who are using their affinity for swinging to spread the Word of the Lord. It comes from something called Barcroft Media, which is apparently trying to become the AP of weirdass tabloid shit. Read more on Christian Swingers Will Make You Come (To Jesus)…
  It's Just a Cigar

Rush Limbaugh: Men See, They Conquer, They Come

UNSEE, UNSEE!
Prepare to push your twin beds together, Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public, because Rush Limbaugh is here to give you some completely unsolicited sexxx tips on how to be sexxxy! Rush (and presumably the three former Mrs. Limbaughs) knows a thing or two about sexual disappointment, so his remarks about consent should be considered in the proper context. That context, according to Media Matters, is that Rush Limbaugh was talking about Ohio State’s new consent policy that “takes all the romance out of everything,” which is unfortunate because “seduction used to be an art. Now of course it’s prudish and it’s predatory and it’s bad.” And oops, we have just vomited all over our keyboard. Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Men See, They Conquer, They Come…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Tragedy Strikes Really Good Wine, Evolutionary Misfits, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Too soon, Napa?
At least it’s Friday! (Sorry, that was mean. Let’s try it again.) At least it’s — nah, screw it. It is Monday. We’ll just have to soldier on. Somehow. In case you missed it, there was a semi-decent-sized earthquake in California (or what we natives call “worth maybe looking up from your desk for a second”-sized). Yes, there was some damage to some buildings, and yes, there were some injuries to human people, and that is sort of sad, but here is the REAL tragedy: Read more on Tragedy Strikes Really Good Wine, Evolutionary Misfits, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  what if?

What If Ex-Gay Therapy Actually Worked?

Science Fiction! OK, Science-ish Fiction? Not-at-all-Science Fiction. YOU GUYS ARE BUSTING MY BALLS, JESUS! Well, Jesus, exactly, specifically that weird Jesus thing where they think they can make the hairdressers straight, because it worked for Marcus Bachmann, amiright? (Don’t answer that question.) Trouble is, you just can’t seem to find anyone who it has worked for, unless it’s somebody who makes money off the whole scam, and even then they’re lying and having SO MUCH COCK OMG, like hogging all the cocks for God. And Mary. Actually, especially for Mary. But… what if Ex-Gay therapy actually worked? And I don’t mean “Hey, that worked; the kid killed himself. NOT SO GAY ANYMORE.” What if they could detect the gay right at birth and bend that twig into a straight… wand? Or apply it later in life? Would things be different? Oh, yes, they’d be different all right. Join me after the jump for some possible side-effects. Read more on What If Ex-Gay Therapy Actually Worked?…
  hysteria's greatest monsters

Twitchy Outraged As Dan Savage Literally Throws Virgin Duggar Lady Into Volcano

As you can see, terrible no-goodnik and Friend of Wonkette Dan Savage is brutally attacking Christian Purity again, on the Twitters, by making fun of Professional Virgin Jill Duggar. Obviously, this makes him the biggest hypocrite ever, according to the 9 fulltime employees at Twitchy. Hey, Dan Savage! Stop sneering at virginity! Read more on Twitchy Outraged As Dan Savage Literally Throws Virgin Duggar Lady Into Volcano…
  rightwingers are never racist

MSNBC Goes To Free Speech Jail For Pointing Out Racist People Are Racist

Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Rightwingers are never racist. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s go look at the comments UNDER AN ARTICLE about threatening to boycott MSNBC for calling rightwingers racist! Read more on MSNBC Goes To Free Speech Jail For Pointing Out Racist People Are Racist…
  country matters

Anderson Cooper, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper’s Mom, And Some Cunnilingus (No Verb Necessary)

In what may be the best — at least the weirdest — ripple effect of the Rob Ford strange-o-palooza, here are Anderson Cooper and Friend of Wonkette Dan Savage talking Thursday about the best news stories of 2013…until the conversation takes a turn for the disturbing. Or the awesome. We can’t decide. Cooper asked Savage what he thought the best scandal story of the year was, and Savage went with Rob Ford’s series of very public embarrassments, adding “I love a good cunnilingus joke on the evening news.” And really, who doesn’t? Read more on Anderson Cooper, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper’s Mom, And Some Cunnilingus (No Verb Necessary)…
  the cause of and solution to all diplomatic problems

Obama’s State Department Full Of Gutter Alcoholics

We are in the wrong bidness. For serious, we thought that blogging meant we could be drunk all the time (check), work in our pajamas (check), and rant semi-coherently with terible grammer (check and check). BUT YOU GUYS, we are officially quitting and joining the State Department, because you gotta see their benefits. As the government shutdown neared, the State Department splurged on $180,000 worth of liquor. Booze. Mommyblogger’s little helper. Whatever you want to call it. And that’s only PART of their liquor total for the year, which topped $400,000. Fuck this blogging shit — we are moving to Foggy Bottom to live the good life with Secretary Kerry.  Read more on Obama’s State Department Full Of Gutter Alcoholics…
  bill donahue knows a bigot when he sees one

Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids

Bill Donohue, the president and possible sole member of the Catholic League, has called for HBO to cancel Real Time With Bill Maher after the most recent show featured Wonket Pal Dan Savage, who very offensively and unfairly suggested that Catholic priests do sex on children. Donohue, who has a history of downplaying sexual abuse by priests, is likely to be about as successful in getting Bill Maher off the air as he was in his epic battle against Jon Stewart last year. We predict that in two weeks, after nothing has happened to Bill Maher, Donohue will declare victory and ask for some donations to continue his important work of complaining about the Simpsons. Read more on Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids…
  cruz control

Ted Cruz’s Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity

Ok wonkeroos, we need to talk about a serious subject that is threatening far too many of our most vulnerable citizens: bullying and abuse. While we like to snark and mock, we, as a country, should be doing everything we can to make our society a better safer place. Rep. Sean Duffy (R-Season 5) knows this as well as anyone, per TPM: Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) continued to draw the scorn of House Republicans on Friday when Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI) fumed that Senate conservatives have “bullied” and “abused” their counterparts in the lower chamber throughout the push to defund Obamacare. Wait a sec. We don’t think those words mean what he thinks they mean.  Read more on Ted Cruz’s Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Labor Day Loonworld Roundup

Welcome to a special Labor Day edition of picked-up pieces, a baggy collection of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that we couldn’t quite manage a full post on. Or just didn’t wanna. At the top of the list, Tucker Carlson snoozing on the set of Fox & Friends, because there’s really not much more to say about it, other than “Hey, look at this professional teevee idjit sleeping on a couch!” Carlson’s thoughts on the matter were limited to “Is this honestly live?” and “I was having these happy thoughts and I dozed off … Is this honestly on TV?” There’s probably a metaphor here, we think.  Stay in school, kids. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Labor Day Loonworld Roundup…
  2 parts flour one part water and a pinch of gayness

Lesbian on Food Network Destroys Childhood Innocence With (Rachel) Ray-Gun of Gayness

Hide your children. In fact, you might as well just pluck their eyes out with a spork, because America is becoming Sodomed and Gomorrahed all over the place. It’s like now that the Supreme Court thinks that gay people are actual people with actual rights, everyone is going to start treating them as “boring normal people” and suchlike, and letting them loose upon our society like some kind of well-manicured plague of actual beingness. The latest to have their Innocence. Lost.? None other than some whiny baby from the Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute, Mr. Austin Ruse, on the American Family Association radio program, Bigots Today. He was watching an episode of Chopped on the Food Network with his sweet innocent daughter. Then, the nightmare played out in slow-motion: “So I didn’t have my hand on the trigger fast enough when they did a hard cut to a backstory about this lesbian chef and don’t you know it she’s got her arm around her ‘wife,’ she refers to her ‘wife,’ and I was too slow in fast-forwarding. My eight-year-old Lucy, sweet Lucy, turned to me and said: ‘Did she say wife?’” THE HORROR. And poor, sweet Lucy. Let’s explore more of this horrible horribleness, which is worse than using All Purpose flour when the recipe CLEARLY called for BREAD FLOUR!  Read more on Lesbian on Food Network Destroys Childhood Innocence With (Rachel) Ray-Gun of Gayness…
  wonkette book club

A Frothy Mix Of Questions, Answers, From Dan Savage Straight To You

Hola! Wonkette is pleased to present a Live Chat with Dan Savage, the Patriot who effluviated Rick Santorum’s name so that now he is unGoogleable in Polite Company. Also, he once licked Gary Bauer’s knob! Also too, he is a gay guy who has been helping straight people fumble their way up and down each other’s bodies for like 75 years now (by our count, Dan Savage is 89 years old, as he had to be at least 10 years older than us when we were 22, but then, weirdly, 11 years later, we were 33 and he was 32? Anyway, now we are 40, so he might be 17. Oh well, MATH). Also the third, he and his husband, Terry, started the It Gets Better Project, which is that thing that made you cry. And also quadrupled, he has a new book! The first seven chapters of it are great! You can ask questions via the comments section if you are a certified commenter (which you aren’t) or via tips at wonkette dot com! Let’s start this bitch! Read more on A Frothy Mix Of Questions, Answers, From Dan Savage Straight To You…
  live news girls

Dan Savage Talks Dirty To Wonkette Live At 1 P.M. Eastern

And you still have OVER FOUR HOURS to buy his book and read at least part of it! That is what we did yesterday — up to Chapter Seven, bitches! — as did Doktor Zoom, when both of us were all HEY, ISN’T THE DAN SAVAGE LIVE CHAT TOMORROW? And then Doktor Zoom thought there was a typo in the very first sentence, but then discovered that diaconate is in fact a word and deaconate is in fact NOT a word, despite the fact that everyone uses it because they are stupid and wrong, and then Doktor Zoom made us promise not to tell Dan Savage he had thought Savage had a typo in his very first sentence, and then either Alex or DDM said he (Doktor Zoom) should watch it, look what Dan Savage did to Rick Santorum, not to mention Gary Bauer, also, too. Read more on Dan Savage Talks Dirty To Wonkette Live At 1 P.M. Eastern…
  Boys will be boys

EPA Contractors Live the Dream in Warehouse Man Caves

Work is hard. Gotta wake up in the morning, drag your ass into a fluorescent-lit cubicle next to some guy who plays Nickleback too damn loud all day, and drink whatever brownish soupy sludge passes for coffee these days. That chick on the other side of your shoebox-sized cubicle won’t stop calling her girlfriends to complain about whatever brain-dead loser she hooked up with the night before, or other woman problems. If only there was some retreat in the office with a TV, fridge, even pin-ups (wink wink) to go and relax for a few hours while still on the clock, amiright? Apparently, some dudes contracting with the Environmental Protection Agency had the same idea, and like that awesome guy who boinked Jennifer Aniston in Office Space, they followed through: A warehouse maintained by contractors for the Environmental Protection Agency contained secret rooms full of exercise equipment, televisions and couches, according to an internal audit… “The warehouse contained multiple unauthorized and hidden personal spaces created by and for the workers that included televisions, refrigerators, radios, microwaves, chairs and couches,” the IG report said. “These spaces contained personal items, including photos, pin ups, calendars, clothing, books, magazines and videos.” Livin’ the dream, man.  Read more on EPA Contractors Live the Dream in Warehouse Man Caves…
  sexxxy answers to sexxxy questions

What Sexy Things Will Your Editrix Be Asking Dan Savage, In Our Live Chat?

VERY SEXY THINGS. Buy American Savage now so you too can be ready to ask Dan Savage questions when he joins us June 28, at 1 p.m. Eastern, to lick all the doorknobs and pixels in our secret chatcave. Do we even have some sexxxy questions ready for him? Well GET A LOAD OF THIS. Read more on What Sexy Things Will Your Editrix Be Asking Dan Savage, In Our Live Chat?…
  gays ruin everything

Dumb Gays Now Ruining Immigration Bill Too

First the lesby-friends singlehandedly poison-pilled the Violence Against Women Act, by asking if pretty please they could be included in legislation to Stop Beating Your Wife. Now they and their Proud Mary male gay counterparts are ruining Republicans’ chances of ever getting to vote for an immigration bill — because if they don’t it is “demographic” “suicide” “blah” “blah” “blah” — by having their Demoncrat familiars in the House and Senate twirl their mustachios and ask if they wouldn’t like to be able to sponsor immigrant spouses just like the straights! HOW IS A REPUBLICAN SUPPOSED TO VOTE FOR THAT? Next you will be amending the immigration bill to mandate Gay Voodoo Chicken Fuckings in Liberty’s crown/visor thing! Is that open again yet? Can we fuck some chickens there? Read more on Dumb Gays Now Ruining Immigration Bill Too…