SEE WHAT EVERYONE’S SAYING ABOUT SCOTT MCCLELLAN’S NEW #1 BOOK, GEORGE BUSH JR. MADE VAGUE ERRORS!

“I would think if he harbored such deep feelings about things he wouldn’t have and shouldn’t have accepted the press secretary job in the first place.” — ARI FLEISCHER, bald press secretary before Scott McClellan.
“Total crap.” — DAN BARTLETT, former White House communications director.
“Left-wing logger.” — KARL ROVE, White House turd blossom.
“I totally agree.” — NANCY PELOSI, known Liberal.
“Why don’t you learn something about the monument.” — HILLARY CLINTON, civil rights leader.

WHAT A BOOK! (Now let us never speak of it again.)

Dan Bartlett, the President’s longest-serving aide, celebrated his 36th birthday by announcing his resignation. Bartlett is “counselor to the President,” which means he tells Bush when his suit is ugly and then lies to the press in a very friendly manner. He has promised not to write a book, which is good, because he’s apparently gone completely nuts. MORE »

* Hate crime legislation makes Jesus cry. [Traditional Values Coalition via Pandagon]
* Mike Huckabee’s son busted for carrying a handgun and at least 50 extra pounds through the Little Rock airport. [Radar]
* Iraqi government spokesman Dan Bartlett not happy about the timeline bill. [The Left Coaster]
* And neither is Joe “I Hold Harry Reid’s Life In My Hands” Lieberman. [GOP Bloggers]
* Paul Begala is so fucking pissed at that “gasbag” David Broder. [HuffPo]
* Sam Brownback’s in the closet … on immigration. [Hit & Run] MORE »

The golden era of ABC News’ The Note is finally over. Mark Halperin is leaving his post as chief defender of the Bush Administration ABC’s “political director” so he can write more books that he’ll personally beg you to buy. MORE »

The Scooter Libby trial might get interesting next week. Michael Isikoff just posted a short-yet-confusing thing on MSNBC.com that attempts to explain this latest twist. Our interpretation: MORE »

Yes, it’s been a while. But you remember the drill. MORE »

The tipsters have gotten themselves on the “good” list and uncle Wonk’d has loads of stocking stuffers for an early Christmas. These presents might not be as good as the ones Laura Bush was seen buying, but you get what you pay for. Unwrap a jaywalking John Bolton, an over-caffeinated Katherine Harris, an anatomically correct Anderson Cooper, and an occasionally anonymous Dan Bartlett that comes with elephant sidekick, under the tree.

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The Hadley Memo revealed that some people in the White House consider Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki useless at best and actively damaging to our effort at worst. So, naturally, reporters were very excited about the three-way dinner and meeting (or “trilateral,” in tool-speak) scheduled for tonight with Bush, Maliki, and the King of Jordan. Then Dan Bartlett broke everyone’s heart by announcing that, for no particular reason, Maliki would not be meeting with Bush nor even eating with them.

This was a bit confusing to the assembled press.

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Earlier today, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow and Counselor to the President Dan Bartlett held a briefing (in lovely Riga, Latvia) to the assembled press. But those pesky journalists just wanted to talk about Stephen J. Hadley’s “we can’t trust Maliki” memo. Snow and Bartlett simply couldn’t comment on that…

…but White House Press Secretary Tony Snow and Counselor to the President Dan Bartlett two Unnamed Senior Administration Officials could!

Revel in the utter absurdity of the White House beat, after the jump.

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• Dan Bartlett says the White House Iraq policy is much like history, “changing week to week.” [Media Matters]

• Bush to establish military junta if Democrats manage to win any seats. [Captain's Quarters]
• Political consultants on both sides scared shitless of their candidate being interviewed by Stephen Colbert, calling his show, “must-not-do TV.” [Potomac Flacks]
• Hillary Clinton opponent and also-ran John Spencer calls Hillary a “butter face.” Claims it cost “millions” in plastic surgery to fix her busted grill. [The Left Coaster]
• All along the watchtower, Mitt Romney kept the view. While all the Mormo-Republican strategists came and went, wacky Utah preachers too. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Maintaining “EIB” all the way, Rush Limbaugh accuses Michael J. Fox of faking Parkinson’s disease to garner sympathy for Democratic causes. [Crooks & Liars]
• Paranoia inducing Total Information Awareness program, previously booted out of DARPA, lives on at NSA with the rest of the illegal programs you haven’t heard about. [TPM Muckraker]
• America has its priorities straight, spends more on candy corn at Halloween than the GDP of Nicaragua. [Thinkprogress]

• Hastert displays his stammering and backpedaling techniques, gets winded going back to 2003 — when he first learned about Foley. [WP, NYT, USAT]

• In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, a cornered, paranoid Hastert lashes out: Foley scandal is fault of Brian Ross, George Soros, and Bill Clinton consortium. [CT]
• WP prints more of the Foley IMs, but redacts the good parts. ABC on the other hand didn’t bother to redact the name of the teenager Foley sent emails too, though since corrected. [WP]
• Political fallout aside, Foley might be okay. “For the most part, the law is going to allow you to be a dirty old man.” [W$J]
• Dan Bartlett thinks bloggers have “too much time on their hands,” and that Bush’s “comma” remark is historical analysis, not belittling pith. [WP]
• White House, like, still totally down with waterboarding, brah. [WP]
• Five at Hewlett-Packard charged with criminal conspiracy, face fines that amount to a month of “latte money.” [NYT, LAT]
• Ben Bernanke warns of a “substantial correction” in the housing market. Sorry about your condo. [W$J]