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Tag: dallas

Saved by the blood of Tough Guy Jesus.

Wingnut Fox Pastor: Jesus Wasn’t Some Mexican-Loving, Sunflower Seed-Munching Pussy

Sunday's "Fox & Friends" featured a discussion on illegal immigration (something new and different), and the focus was on churches doing that whole bleeding heart "when I was hungry, you fed me" thing with illegals, as opposed to immediately calling authorities and...
The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

You know how toddlers do sometimes when they skip their naps and the simplest perceived slight turns into a 30-minute-long RAGER of a screaming, crying temper tantrum? Well, that is what is happening to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton...
Hard to say whether these are rifles or handguns. Either way, she can openly carry 'em now in Texas.

New Texas ‘Open Carry’ Gun Law Still Won’t Let You Do Crimes, Have Gun. Sooooo Unfair

Terrific news for freedom and stuff in Texas! Gov. Greg Abbott signed two great big gun laws on Saturday, making it legal for Texans with permits to carry handguns openly, and for concealed carry permit holders to carry their...
The cats are cuter than anything you'll read in this post.

How Are White Wingnuts Fixing The Blacks Of Baltimore This Week?

Ever since the alleged police murder of Freddie Gray and the rioting that followed, white wingnuts have been trying SO HARD to do something -- anything! -- to help the poor black communities of Baltimore recover and move on...
She seems nice

First And Second Amendments In Battle To Death As A**holes Shoot Up Texan Anti-Islam Event

A bunch of anti-Muslim extremists in Texas were attacked by a couple of Muslim extremists yesterday, proving that America needs to take much more extreme measures to protect itself from Muslim extremists. In the Dallas suburb of Garland, Texas,...
Careful photo-analysis shows Rafael Cruz on congas

Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane

For fans of Bill O'Reilly in full red-faced "I never said what I obviously said" mode, the next couple days should be fun. No, Bill O'Reilly was not at a Kennedy assassination figure's suicide, Deep Throat's parking garage, or...
Bloody peasant!

Oppressed Whites Sue Dallas County Over Voting Rights, Poor Dears

Some white people in Dallas County are sick and tired of being victims, and they're suing to make sure they won't be oppressed any more. It sure sounds like they're having a really tough time of it: Five white plaintiffs, backed...
Use Arial and clip art on your facebook, you know what's coming.

Incoming Texas Gov Has Had It Up To Here With You Yokels Governing Yourselves

Freedom and local sovereignty are quite the big deal in Texas, unless you and your neighbors want to do something that's plainly wrong, like banning fracking in your town, and then by golly it's time to remember that the...
NOT EVEN LIBERAL BLOG WONKETTE is offended by this. Giggling at, yes. Offended, no.

Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)

Yr Wonkette likes to think we are firmly in the radical gun-grabbing kneejerk pantywaist big sissy liberal portion of the political spectrum, but once in a rare while we find ourselves reading about something that is so idiotic that...

Erick Erickson Blames Fat Lesbians For Lack Of An Ebola Vaccine

As we enter Week Umpteen of the National Compulsory Ebola Freakout, complete with a second U.S. patient, we also get this interesting detail: Dr. Francis Collins, director of the National Institutes of Health, says a steady trend of fiscal...
This looks a lot like 'puttering'

Jimmy Carter Built That

We have some Nice Time for you, and it is Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter building more houses for more people, as they do. This Habitat for Humanity house is in Fort Worth, Texas, one of over a hundred homes...
Who sent this? We lost your name! Let us credit/blame you!

Glenn Beck Will Save World From Ebola With Song Reminding You Not To Lick Up Vomit

Glenn Beck has the solution to the Ebola panic: Make fun of stupid Africans who don't have the sense not to play around with infected bodily fluids! Which is why he made him a song about it, complete with...
Stay calm, OK?

Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery

We bet you never would have guessed that the diagnosis of one (1) human being with Ebola virus would lead to a whole bunch of daft conspiracy theories, did you? Don't be ridonkulous, you would say to yourself. We...
Oh! You ARE sick!

‘Pro-Life’ Sociopath Todd Kincannon Has Simple Solution For Ebola: Execute All Patients

Former executive director of the South Carolina GOP, Trayvon Martin clairvoyant, ethics-free attorney, and avid penis self-photographer Todd Kincannon is proudly pro-life -- with one exception, of course, in that he wishes Wendy Davis had been aborted. But he...
Eyebrow of Doom!

Stephen Colbert So Sad Now That Fox & Friends Got The Ebola (Video)

TV Funnyman Stephen Colbert is understandably concerned about the emergence of Ebola in America, and by "concerned," we mean thoroughly terrified that the virus has made it from "Whocaresistan" to our golden shores. Just don't touch the fluids...
Hey, it's not ponies...

Stupidest Men On The Internet Just Vomiting Ebola Errrewhere

Stupidest Man in the World Jim Hoft and Stupidest Guest-Blogger in the World Kristinn Taylor have done their part to help Americans concerned about the Texas Ebola case. They cut right through all the facts and medical information out...