Texas GOP clown Pete Sessions last made the news when he suggested the doomed Republicans become more like the Taliban. As the modern Republican is already a fundamentalist nut who buggers little boys, hates science, fears women and constantly fantasizes about being killed for/by God, the only thing left was for the remaining wingnuts to move into caves, with their tea bags and their goats. And this may well have happened, as only 21% of Americans reachable by telephone now admit to being Republican. Anyway, now Pete Sessions is saying Obama is intentionally (and magically) causing both unemployment and a decline in the stock markets. True, maybe?! MORE »

Oh hot dang, somebody got ahold of an old-fashioned talky device called a “telephone” and called the mayor of the fancifully named Dallas, Georgia to learn what he meant when he posted something on Facebook about Obama giving Gordon Brown “a quart of the Bull.” Was this horrible racism? And does it mean that your editor is hopelessly old and naive that the first thing she thought of when she heard “the Bull” was Red Bull? MORE »

George W. Bush, remember that guy? Liked to dance with foreign leaders and start wars a lot? He’s so much more likable now that he’s not running the country! For example, back in the day if he’d had the temerity to visit a local elementary school we would probably have said something snide like, “Oh great you remember what happened the last time he read a book to childrens,” but now we can just write about how darling it all was. MORE »

One of the only nifty things about our soon-to-be-former President George W. Bush was his ranch house in Crawford, Texas. It was environmentally awesome, you see! Geothermal heat, underground rainwater collection tanks, native plants all over the place, built out of cheap local limestone — Prairie Chapel Ranch was Bush’s secret hippie paradise. Sometimes when he acted like a real jerk, all lying us into war and bombing places and extraditing terror suspects to scary Polish prisons and using the Constitution as a snot rag, we would think, “Well, he can’t be one hundred percent awful, because look at that tastefully decorated (ignore the old-lady chairs in that photo) and relatively small house he spends all his time in.” Now that he no longer has to keep up even an appearance of normalcy or sanity, he’ll be moving to Dallas. MORE »

George W. Bush did indeed buy a house for himself and his wife Laura and his two rat dogs as well! It is in the rich area of Dallas, which is probably a suburb! Look! MORE »

Can you even believe this George Bush. While all of you people and everyone else are having your homes foreclosed by the Subprimes, PRESIDENT MONEYBAGS over here and his smoker wife “Laura” are going to *buy* a home, to *live* in. “Laura Bush confirmed that she and the President are buying a house in Dallas, about two hours from his beloved Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas.” Superfluous! MORE »

It’s easy to forget that some other guy was president before the McCain/Obama joint rulership of America began. The other guy’s name was “George Bush,” and he flew around the world dancing with the natives and bombing nonexistent nuke installations. But now that Dick Cheney has tired of operating the chip in his brain, George Bush needs a new place to live, so he has dispatched his wife to investigate every cavernous tacky 7,000-square-foot limestone piece of shit in the greater Dallas area. Let’s explore the possibilities, together. MORE »

On Monday some Dallas County commissioners were talking about problems processing traffic tickets, and this one commissioner said central collections “has become a black hole.” Not one but two of his fellow officials demanded an apology for his racially insensitive remark. Oh goodness! A lot of the commentary on this blog post about the incident is pretty foul, but our hat’s off to “Don Imus,” who writes, “It’s not like they called it a nappy-headed hole. Now THAT would be outrageous.” [Dallas City Hall Blog]

Today, America’s most boring First Lady Laura Bush said that she and President George will be moving to Dallas, home of the Cowboys football team and various other things, after he is finished his Washington job. “I guess I can announce this in front of the press,” Mrs. Bush said at a National Parks Foundation event at Williams Preparatory school in Dallas. Little does she know that she cannot announce anything to the press. Will this librarian ever learn? [Dallas Morning News]

Wonkette Operative “Bob” reports live from Precinct 3210 in Dallas, Texas: “OK, so my caucus is not much representative of anything, as we are one of those urban black-white transition areas, with a vote that appeared to be about 75% African American professionals, 20% White, and 5% anything else, including Latino. All were very young. MORE »

Ever wondered what would happen if two attractive feminists and one corpulent Hollywood director went to a Texas gay bar to round up votes for Hillary Clinton? One brave Dallas reader went deep under cover to bring you this exclusive investigative report. All the sordid details, after the jump! MORE »