A group of Constitution-loving patriots from Come And Take It Dallas — not the more familiar Open Carry Texas — gathered in Dallas’s Dealey Plaza, near the grassy knoll, on July 19 (the narrator keeps saying it’s “June 19,” but it’s July) to celebrate the Second Amendment and to grouse about foreigners, who are foreign […]

Wonkers, someone has a sad, and it is Rick Perry. Why is he sad? Cause HE AIN’T GOT NO ICE CREAM. (We believe the credit for the above should go to @eastsidekate.) Can you help Rick Perry, Wonkers? Hahaha, just kidding, of course you cannot. Rick Perry is beyond help, and also a picture of […]

The Republican National Committee is busy narrowing down the list of potential host cities for its 2016 convention. Last week the list dropped by two, with Cincinnati and Las Vegas dropping their bids; Cincinnati because, well, Cincinnati, and Vegas for a whole host of reasons. Needless to say, yr Wonkette was devastated by Vegas’s decision. […]

It’s Friday afternoon. You’re either immersed in the Olympics or avoiding the Olympics or drunk already or a combo of the two. Why not take a break from all that and join us for some totally legit nice time? You know how often we have to write about terrible people being terrible and literally ripping […]

Hi-diddly-ho, Wonkerinos, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the feature where we scrape up a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. It’s like Thanksgiving leftovers that have sat out too long, except they were kind of rotten to begin […]

Here’s some exciting video of Alex Jones basically not understanding how a bullhorn works, screaming a the top of his lungs into an amplification device until he has a coughing fit. He was in Dallas today to protest the exclusion of conspiracy theorists from the city’s official commemoration of JFK’s assassination, because America needs the […]

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ‘em before […]

Shemane Nugent, wife of NRA Board Member Ted Nugent, is the very model of a responsible gun owner. Which probably explains why she was arrested Thursday night when the TSA found a handgun in her carry on luggage as she prepared to board a flight at Dallas/Ft Worth International Airport. But don’t worry — according […]

Just kidding, no we didn’t. We saw Dallas from our Aunt Annie’s house, because of how she lives there. And we saw … some of you! We forget who you were, because of how it has now been 127 years since our Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest World Tour And Orgy ended, and we […]

As if losing elections for the U.S. Senate and the presidency weren’t enough, Rick Santorum now looks forward to driving a movie studio into bankruptcy! The frothy one has been named CEO of EchoLight Studios, a Christian movie company based in Dallas. Santorum was excited to get to work doing to movies what he’s done […]

YOU CAN’T. YOU CAN’T JUST SHOOT PEOPLE IN THE FACE. Well, we are finally updatin’ atcha with pictures from our Madison, Wisconsin, party, which must have been two months ago now, but after five hard years on the road, we no longer have a concept of things like “months” and “time.” In fact, since that […]

Attention Wonklahomans! The 2013 Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest-Southwest Orgy and World Tour is on its exciting “Homeward Bound: The Quickening” leg (also known as the “Hey, does this Prius smell funny to you?” leg), and is swinging back through the Sooner State tonight! As part of an exclusive two-day side tour of cities whose […]

Hey, Wonkansanites! The 2013 Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest-Southwest Orgy and World Tour is thundering into your fine state like… like… like two road-ragey ladies in a Prius, we think! And tonight is the night that they will “drop the bomb” on Lawrence, Kansas, a joke that we are 100% certain you guys have not […]

Hola dudes, sorry we haven’t rapped at you lately, or uploaded all our pictures of your beautiful faces in Chicago, and Madison, and Minneapolis, and whatnot. We will get on that right away sort of! Are we going to throw a party in Des Moines, Iowa, for you tonight? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Goddamn are we tired. […]

And so it begins. Week One of our Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest World Tour starts this coming Wednesday, and mama has yet to get a fucking tuneup, gah. Remember, all parties are free unless’n you want to bring a checkbook with donations for Habitat for Humanity, and no, you do not have to […]