Tag Archives: daily kos

  bring them your tired poor huddled masses

Nice Time: Liz Warren And Ed Markey Being Total Hippies Again

Oh. My. God. Libruls are TEH WORST! Damn hippies always seeking to create policy that benefits ‘the poors,’ when we all know that John Calvin, Wordy Shipmates, Shining City on a Hill, America, fuck yeah. Who are the heretics today who seek to desecrate the foundational principles of Jesus’s Capitalist Emporium for Jesus? None other than Senators Elizabeth Warren (D-Heart Flutters) and Ed Markey (D-New Guy). Per Daily Kos: Since Congress isn’t going to pass sane policy like an increased minimum wage and sick leave anytime soon, it’s up to the blue states and cities to do it. Next up, we hope: Massachusetts, where a coalition has formed to get these measures on the 2014 ballot. The lead petitioners’ names will be familiar: Sen. Elizabeth Warren for the minimum wage, and Sen. Ed Markey for earned sick time. While this might make New Pope happy, it will certainly anger the True Flock, who know that wealth is a sign that God loves you, which is why Jesus had a net worth of old sandals, some pieces of lumber, and some gently used nails.  Read more on Nice Time: Liz Warren And Ed Markey Being Total Hippies Again…
  cause we need a man (we need a man)

Hey How Is It Going In Our Quest To Buy An Entire Person? An Update!

Last week or something, we asked you, the faithful Wonkvillein, to help us buy an entire person in the form and shape of Doktor Zoom. And many of you immediately started sending us money — so much and so fast, we actually were not able to send you personalized thank you notes, so we decided not to send you any thank you notes at all! (Nobody tell our beloved Miss Manners; we cannot stand to disappoint her.) We did not even send thank you notes to the several of you who forked over $50 a month, which is fucking ridiculous. Well, we are here to update at ya, and to tell you that Ben Howe, from Redstate, wants you to come together as one to help us, for liberal togetherness and community. HE DOES??? Yes, he does. Would we lie to you? Read more on Hey How Is It Going In Our Quest To Buy An Entire Person? An Update!…
  tyranny of fact-checking

Liberal Fascists Strip Pulitzer Nominations From World’s Greatest Pundit Jonah Goldberg

Rend your clothes, tear your hair, and weep weep for Doughy Pantload, as Liberal Fascists have ripped his two Pulitzer Prize nominations from his cold dead hands. Wait, Jonah Goldberg was nominated twice for the Pulitzer Prize? No, and the Pulitzer people are really, really tired of people claiming they were “nominated” when they sent in $50 and six Wheaties box tops. But what if Jonah Goldberg had been nominated! (He is at least as worthy of the honor as Kathleen Parker!) Maybe it would have been for this brilliant thing where he suggested the GOP purge known-statist Theodore Roosevelt: Read more on Liberal Fascists Strip Pulitzer Nominations From World’s Greatest Pundit Jonah Goldberg…
  things that may unleash great puns

Rumor Thing Accuses John Boehner of Boning Lobbyist

It appears that a rumor about John Boehner having an affair with a lobbyist is forming out of thin air after some Daily Kos guy said it was a rumor, so now it is a rumor. The New York Post got to the bottom of this thing: It’s a liberal blogger/media conspiracy to take down Boehner. “‘Catching Boehner with a mistress is the only way to destroy him politically before the election,’ a source said.” Oh yes, that Boehner is rock hard! Nothing can defeat it except an affair, as it is a very good leader. So who exactly is going to take down Boehner? That evil Jew York Times, of course. Read more on Rumor Thing Accuses John Boehner of Boning Lobbyist…
  rumors on the internets

Joe Scarborough Is a Little Bit Sensitive About Being a Murderer

It’s true, after continuously invading, and abusing their countries, Muslim folk should lay down their prayer (pilates) mats and pray towards AMERICA. [Think Progress] In an unparalleled tragedy for the cable news world, Mr. Kos of the screechy moonbat site Daily Kos has been blacklisted by MSNBC, because he bravely accused Joe Scarborough of being a murderer, on Twitter. [DailyKos] Read more on Joe Scarborough Is a Little Bit Sensitive About Being a Murderer…
  suxorz

Wonkette’s Triumphant SXSW Panel

Your editor showed up at the Austin Convention Center well in advance of her panel and spent many fruitless minutes finding the registration booth, getting checked in, and assuring the registration people that she was not some impostor “Sarah Smith” from some non-Wonkette entity. Fortunately, this process went on long enough that she got to meet Mark McKinnon! Read more on Wonkette’s Triumphant SXSW Panel…
  handouts

Hire Me Obi-Wan Obama, You Are My Only Hope

It was only a matter of time before liberal blog The Daily Kos switched from documenting Obama’s campaign and election to begging him for jobs. Kos blogger “mjgl” (“liberal” in Klingon) wants the new President to know that “mjgl” has always loved those picture books about the Great Depression, so maybe, uhm, a little sumthin’ sumthin’ for “mjgl” would be good, from Obama, so that “mjgl” could also take pictures of the Great Depression we’re having right now! Read more on Hire Me Obi-Wan Obama, You Are My Only Hope…
  main stream media

Wonkette Commenter Leads ‘Angry Left’ Reaction To Rick Warren

Apparently your Wonkette was depicted this way on Anderson Cooper’s show last night, as part of the “angry left” along with Daily Kos and, uh, the Washington Post. Really? We’ve always thought of ourselves as WARBLOGGERS. The pull quote CNN uses, of the word “Mad” repeated three times (this is how CNN indicates that the Angry Left is “mad” about something), comes from a Kev-O-Tron comment that was actually written, “mad mad mad.” So CNN misquoted Kev-O-Tron, IS ALL. Anyway, enjoy Gitmo, Kev-O-Tron! [CNN] Read more on Wonkette Commenter Leads ‘Angry Left’ Reaction To Rick Warren…
  it's piper's turn next!

OH RIGHT, SHE WAS PREGNANT OR SOMETHING: Hey remember Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, and how she got herself pregnant to distract attention from a DailyKos diarist-generated scandal about Trig actually being Bristol’s secret “other” baby which led Andrew Sullivan to DEMAND PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of Trig popping out of Sarah Palin’s vag, everyday, until… oh, he’s still doing that… and then Rudy Giuliani called the liberal media sexist for this at a political convention while Kathryn Jean Lopez prayed for her own secret “other” Down Syndrome bastard child to arrive via stork? You do! Well, Bristol Palin’s baby is supposedly due on Saturday, according to a hilarious interview with Bristol’s grandfather, Chuck Heath, on the website “Grandparents.com.” [Grandparents.com] Read more on …
  bloodbath

House Republicans Just Begging To Be Beaten By Liberal Website

There’s an exciting new trend in these Final Days of the campaign: Some far-right wingnut congressperson goes crazy on the teevee or at one of these Palin Smackdown Trailer-Park Freakouts, and the Daily Kos site declares Financial War on the Republican representative, who of course is up for re-election on November 4 like every member of the House, and the snarling money-having liberals quickly give the dingbat’s opponent half-a-million dollars, overnight. Read more on House Republicans Just Begging To Be Beaten By Liberal Website…
  nerd war

Begun This Political Blog War Over Dungeons & Dragons Has

Michael Goldfarb is starting a war, on the Internet! Do you know who Michael Goldfarb is? He’s this cocksucker who recently took a leave of absence from Bill Kristol’s Weekly Standard, where he was online editor, in order to serve on the McCain communications team. He writes a blog on JohnMcCain.com called the McCain Report. It is awful. And a couple of days ago — for the second time this month! — he referred to people at Daily Kos and other liberal outlets as Dungeons & Dragons nerds. And now everyone is freaking and making tee shirts because why not. Read more on Begun This Political Blog War Over Dungeons & Dragons Has…
  special talents

Al Franken Is Insane

Good sweet Jesus God: “Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory while taking questions at a fundraiser.” Kos is more right than he thinks when he calls it “perfect,” in fact. Kentucky looks like a turd and liberal New England looks like it’s trying to escape from the rest of the country and sail back to Europe. [Daily Kos] Read more on Al Franken Is Insane…
 

Ha Ha, Hillary Is A Republican

Here is a map someone at Daily Kos made, and it’s not even terrifying. OK, it is obviously terrifying in several ways. It is color-coded by votes in each county — blue for Barry, red for Hillary, green for that white guy who was running like 90 years ago. Florida, appropriately, looks like a barfy member. [Daily Kos] Read more on Ha Ha, Hillary Is A Republican…
 

The Funniest Daily Kos Post Ever

Ahem: “…There were two stars that were highlighted by the comet’s passage, Mirfak, and Algol. Mirfak is the elbow of Perseus’s sword hand. Algol, Medussa’a eye, has long been seen as one of the most malifec and evil stars in the heavens. “Obama was born with his sun in Leo, and his story exemplifies the quest of the Solar Hero. … Read more on The Funniest Daily Kos Post Ever…
 

A Tax Day Celebration Of War Profiteers And The Citizens Who Hate Them

Today is Tax Day, which means a lot of liberals JUST LIKE YOU get to whine about how they are involuntarily funding the War when what they really hate is paying taxes, just like “ordinary Americans.” Join us in our tour of Daily Kos commenters yodelling like Libertarians about how much, and why, they hate taxes. Read more on A Tax Day Celebration Of War Profiteers And The Citizens Who Hate Them…
 

Pro-Clinton Bloggers Boycott Liberal Internet

The Liberal Internet is exploding with war, famine, and dueling factions of anonymous diarists who type different words about politics. The pro-Clinton diarists at Daily Kos, the famous Netroots blog, launched an Internet Boycott Strike over the weekend, citing the “double standards, the distortions, the hateful, irrational, personal attacks, and the lies about Hillary and her long and distinguished record of public service” at Daily Kos. This is the most Internetty thing to ever happen, and it is appropriately taking place at the scariest website ever. [Daily Kos] Read more on Pro-Clinton Bloggers Boycott Liberal Internet…
 

Hillary’s New Ad Features Dark Tones, She Is Horrible Racist

Did you know this new Clinton ad proves algebraically that Hillary Clinton is a racist? Neither did we, until we read the liberal Internet this morning! One of those insightful cinematography experts at Daily Kos noticed that Obama appears to be even blacker than usual in Clinton’s new ad. Is that even possible? Nothing is impossible when BILLARY DOWNHILLARY HITLERY ROD-SHAM CLINTON’s 60-year-old plan to win the Democratic nomination is at stake, the blogs say. Read more on Hillary’s New Ad Features Dark Tones, She Is Horrible Racist…
 

Live Nevada Coverage From An Empty Press Warehouse

Hooray, we’re here. There are about 500 people protesting for health care outside, and otherwise the Cashman Center is pretty much abandoned. Also, Wonkette’s filing desk is NEXT TO DAILY KOS AND HUFFINGTON POST AND MAYBE AOL … THIS WON’T STAND. We are going to look for some conservatives to sit by, because they’ll likely have much better jokes about the Democrats. Also, better cocaine. Back later; we are parked illegally and the Secret Service is kind of giving weird looks to our dirty old Beetle. Read more on Live Nevada Coverage From An Empty Press Warehouse…
 

THOSE CRAZY KOS KIDS: If you are a Michigan voter, and you like the Daily Kos website, you are supposed to vote for Mitt Romney in the GOP Michigan Primary, for some reason. [FoxNews] Read more on …
 

Oh Yeah, The Thing About Ron Paul Being Racist

We were going to write about it, then I forgot to, then we got distracted with that lady getting killed in Pakistan. Anyway, here it is: Some unfuckwithable, damn-near-empirical evidence that Ron Paul is a racist. The Kos commenters have taken a liking to the term “Paultards” it seems, except they frequently spell it “PaulTards.” Please, someone go correct them. [Daily Kos] Read more on Oh Yeah, The Thing About Ron Paul Being Racist…