Tag Archives: daily caller

  Nice piece of grift ya got there

Daily Caller Dude Suddenly Realizes Sarah Palin Is Dumb And Terrible, Would Like A Medal Please

Her?
Some “writer” at Tucker Carlson’s interwebs home for keyboard-banging anger bears has made an amazing discovery. And that discovery is that Sarah Palin sucks, maybe? In a column cleverly titled “You Betcha I Was Wrong About Sarah Palin” at the Daily Beast — apparently because it’s too highbrow to run alongside the typical piles of pixelated garbage at The Daily Caller — Matt Lewis, aka Matt K. Lewis, aka Some Conservative Writer Dude who has smeared his various bylines all over the wingnuttosphere, asks the extraordinary Hot Take Deep Thought question: Read more on Daily Caller Dude Suddenly Realizes Sarah Palin Is Dumb And Terrible, Would Like A Medal Please…
  insert your own ball joke

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

We were doing our goddamned level best not to care about or pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking the country. Whenever the conversation at our happy hour/cocktail party/coke-fueled orgy turned to the subject of whether Tom Brady had deflated his footballs to give his football team some sort of advantage or another over the opposing football team, our response was always the same: Read more on Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls…
  Notorious BDB

NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It

Thanks to the NYPD’s recent unofficial work stoppage, it’s a great time to be a public urinator in New York. Loiterers are going shockingly unticketed and jaywalkers are free to ply their trade with impunity. There is, however, one suspected criminal in the city who’s getting plenty of police attention: Mayor Bill de Blasio. Read more on NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It…
  it was supposed to be a white wedding anyway

Tyrant Obama Makes War On Army Heroes’ Christmas Wedding

Looks terrible. Such a sad day for them.
Talk about a double bogie! Over the weekend, two Army captains who were scheduled to get married at the 16th tee of the Kaneohe Klipper Golf Course in Hawaii had to move the wedding at the last minute because President Golfing McTyrant wanted to play a round. INPEACH!!11!! etc. and so forth. Read more on Tyrant Obama Makes War On Army Heroes’ Christmas Wedding…
  Won’t someone please think of the white people?

Daily Caller: Never Forget That Black Lady Who Used To Be Blackness Czar Racisted A White General, With Racism

The REAL racists, obviously
Hot on the heels of the Helter-Skelter-provoking interview with Barack and Michelle Obummer in People magazine, in which they had the uppityness to claim that maybe being black maybe isn’t always a sunshine-and-daisies walk in the park in U.S. America, the always-sincere-and-genuine “journalists” at the Daily Caller have once again raised the tenor of the national conversation on race, by making it all about white people. Read more on Daily Caller: Never Forget That Black Lady Who Used To Be Blackness Czar Racisted A White General, With Racism…
  History's portliest monster

Michelle Obama Wears Spanx. EVERYTHING IS A LIE.

It is time to impeach Michelle Obama. “The” “supposedly” “fit” “First Lady” has admitted she needs a slimming undergarment when she is spending Your Tax Dollars on her $58 million (at least) wardrobe for snobby coastal elites from the Chicago hood. The Daily Caller? Oh, just ON IT. Read more on Michelle Obama Wears Spanx. EVERYTHING IS A LIE….
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Yes, Stevie Wonder Truthers Are A Thing

Ebony And Irony
Oh, golly, it’s time for another Derp Roundup, a chance for us to bring you some of the stories that were just too damned stupid to ignore altogether, but which didn’t quite merit a post of their own. You may want a good stiff serving of the reality-amending chemical compounds of your choice before you expose yourself to this stuff. Read more on Derp Roundup: Yes, Stevie Wonder Truthers Are A Thing…
  It's not a truck

Let’s All Point And Laugh At Ancient Congressman Saying Sexting

Can we get a Drudge Siren for this?
Aren’t olds so the funniest, with their not understanding kids these days doing fancy things on their iStuff? Ha ha HA, let’s guffaw so hard at them and how they do not keep up with the latest thing that is the latest thing because OLD. We all remember laughing at Sen. Uncle Ted Stevens explaining how the internet is a series of tubes, which was pretty amusing at the time until you realized he was trying to do a favor for the big internet providers by ending net neutrality, and yet he did not understand how that worked, so then it was not all that funny, actually. Read more on Let’s All Point And Laugh At Ancient Congressman Saying Sexting…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Republicans Are Terrible At The Internet, PolitiFact Kills Irony, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good morning, sunshines! Want to know what you missed while you were sleeping? Too bad, we’re going to tell you anyway. Republicans are terrible at the internet. TERRIBLE. And now they have a real hip new video game, circa 1981, to really show them Democrats what’s what. And yes, it’s Atari-compatible. We think. Read more on Republicans Are Terrible At The Internet, PolitiFact Kills Irony, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  es muy macho

Daily Caller Guy Pretty Sure He’s Norman Mailer Now (Updated)

Still would have kicked Patrick Howley's ass.
[UPDATED: See end of post.] Camel-faced whine-jockey Patrick Howley has written a hilarious screed over at the Daily Caller that really has to be read to be believed. The object of his affection is Ryan Reilly, the HuffPo reporter who was detained and assaulted by cops in Ferguson the other day for the crime of charging his cellphone. Reilly was interviewed by HuffPost Live over the incident and towards the end became slightly emotional. Which is all Mean Girl Howley needed to pounce. Read more on Daily Caller Guy Pretty Sure He’s Norman Mailer Now (Updated)…
 

Pothead Has Solution For Border Crisis

Well, lookie there! We done stoled the Daily Caller’s headline! And in just a minute, we will steal the rest of their post, too, about how Willie Nelson, the country’s most-loved octogenarian, and one who unites rednecks and kicked-hippies in mutual tenderness, thinks we should be nice to the Border Children. Let’s take a peek! Read more on Pothead Has Solution For Border Crisis…
  Thanks Nobama

James O’Keefe Takes Al-Qaeda Cosplay Fantasies To Mexico Border To Prove Something, We Guess

douche
Since last week we had been hearing rumblings on the Internet that smirking dildo boat enthusiast James O’Keefe III had a new video that would SHOCK EVERYONE and CHANGE THE GAME (mostly we were hearing this from O’Keefe’s Twitter feed, but we’re suckers for hype). Just yesterday Gavin McInnes, who is literally a bag of farts, promised us that he was “not exaggerating” when he said the new video “might be the most embarrassing thing to happen on Obama’s watch.” More embarrassing than the IRS or Fast & Furious or all the czars or losing Iraq or BENGHAAAAAAZI? We’ll be the judge of that! Read more on James O’Keefe Takes Al-Qaeda Cosplay Fantasies To Mexico Border To Prove Something, We Guess…
  And She Liked It

Malia Obama Kicked A Girl, And The Daily Caller Is ON IT

Here is a very good “entertainment” post, “Malia Obama Straight Up Kicked A Girl At Lollapalooza.” It is from the Daily Caller. We present it to you in its entirety. Malia Obama kicked a (presumably) American citizen at Lollapalooza, and not only did the Secret Service fail to act, the kicked victim was happy about it. Read more on Malia Obama Kicked A Girl, And The Daily Caller Is ON IT…
  supreme court rules sneeze guard must be removed

Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood

The Daily Caller advises us today that a Portland, Oregon, ice cream parlor offended the sensibilities of all good pearl-clutching citizens Thursday by holding a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood, and it even “created a new flavor of the frozen treat to mark the occasion.” Oh no! Now even ice cream has lost its innocence! The parlor, What’s the Scoop, donated 10% of all sales during a three-hour window to Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon, Planned Parenthood’s political arm, and featured the “exclusive, limited-edition ROSE CITY REVOLUTION flavor,” according to PPAO’s Facebook page. Rose City is one of Portland, Oregon’s nicknames. That seems pretty mild, really. No Fetus Crunch? No Devil’s Food & Chocolate D&C? Not even a George Tiller Chiller? Seems pretty wimpy to us. But no matter. Whatever the flavor, it’s the amniotic fluid on top that gives it that special kick. Read more on Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood…
  the chrysler cordoba of colleges

Barack Obama Murders Capitalism, For-Profit College Just For Being Massive Scam

Damn that Barack Obama and his relentless destruction of free enterprise — he’s gone and done it again, this time killing off a fine little for-profit college that had done nothing wrong at all except for not actually teaching students much of anything, charging through the nose for its classes, and not responding to lawful federal requests for data on whether its graduates actually got jobs in the fields it “trained” them for. Eric Owens at the Daily Caller has the shocking story of big government out of control: Read more on Barack Obama Murders Capitalism, For-Profit College Just For Being Massive Scam…
  put that thing away

Rick Perry Won’t Meet With That Obama Varmint, Unless’n He Does

Rick Perry ain’t gonna meet with no “president” of these here Yoonited States just to have a photo op-pur-tunity on the tarmac, no sir! If’n he meets the “president” it ain’t gonna be for huggin’ an’ smoochin’ like that ol’ pantywaist Chris Christie. No, he is gonna meet with the “president” for REAL only, sittin’ down as peers while Rick Perry splains the border, and Rick Perry is so adamant about this, he done made sure to release a statement about how he told the “president” to stick his photo opportunity where the sun don’t shine. (That would be “in Rick Perry’s butt,” Bob.) Well, the Daily Caller is here to make some happy in its pants about how a REAL MAN governs a state: with his finger in the “president’s” face while hootin’ and hollerin’ about how he ain’t gonna meet no varmints, no sir. Unless, after all the puffin’ and blowin’, well, unless he does. Read more on Rick Perry Won’t Meet With That Obama Varmint, Unless’n He Does…
  an actual conspiracy for a change

The Daily Caller Is Being Run By Cuban Communists

You may or may not remember the story about New Jersey Sen. Robert Menendez allegedly doing sex with prostitutes, whom he then didn’t even pay, and then later it was claimed that the hookers were underaged, even. Hahaha, of course you remember it — you read Wonket, and are perforce a salacious-minded weirdo, gods bless you! It was a really big deal in late 2012 when Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller broke it, and then a few months later the Associated Press reported that in reality, the ladies of negotiable affection were paid by an attorney to make the whole thing up. And so we felt better about Robert Menendez, because ALWAYS PAY YOUR HOOKER. And now, we get this Big Deal Update from the Washington Post: The whole story appears to have been planted by Cuban intelligence agents. Is it petty of us to think that the real takeaway is less that a U.S. Senator was almost ruined by Cuban spies than that Tucker Carlson and chipmunk-faced boy reporter Matthew Boyle got punked by those same Cuban spies? We can live with that. Read more on The Daily Caller Is Being Run By Cuban Communists…
  come whine with me

Daily Caller Bombshell: Obamas Still Refusing To Take Greyhound Bus To Hawaii

The Daily Caller proved conclusively this weekend that Barack and Michelle Obama are the most pampered, spoiled, wasteful Imperial President and First Lady ever in the history of America, mostly by throwing out a whole lot of big numbers and suggesting that they’re shocking. The headline, “The Obamas Have Spent Over $44,351,777.12 In Taxpayer Cash On Travel” gets things started, using an absolutely infallible number from the highly reliable wingnut organization Judicial Watch, whose total is cited but not linked to, but that’s OK, you don’t need the details. Why, $44 million over five and a half years is a lot of vacations! And travel on official business, which the number also includes, without any actual breakdown of the two amounts. Heck, those five years of travel work out to just under 7 1/2 hours of the Iraq War, which just goes to show you (once again) how Barack Obama has no regard for We, The People’s muneez. Read more on Daily Caller Bombshell: Obamas Still Refusing To Take Greyhound Bus To Hawaii…
  is failure to follow the narrative a crime?

How Is Bowe Bergdahl Failing To Be A Taliban Sympathizer Today?

Hey, America, remember how the entire rightwing media howler monkey brigade was telling us that not only did Bowe Bergdahl desert his post, he also willingly joined the Taliban and taught them how to build bombs after he was captured? And so we never should have bothered bringing him back to U.S. America? Oh, except now that he’s back on U.S. soil, Army investigators are satisfied that he actually didn’t engage in any misconduct during the five years he was held captive. This raises the obvious question: Why is the Army conducting an investigation that doesn’t take into account the exhaustive rumormongering done by rightwing bloggers? Read more on How Is Bowe Bergdahl Failing To Be A Taliban Sympathizer Today?…