daily briefing
It’s that one day of the year when everybody pretends to be Concerned About Taxes and the IRS, even though half of this nation’s workers don’t pay any federal tax and most people who do pay taxes believe it’s a pretty fair deal. But this weird bipartisan tax-simplification scheme by two senators — Democrat Ron [...]
Famous organic farmer Michelle Obama is off to Mexico all by herself for an Official White House Journey! What will she do “south of the border,” and doesn’t she know it’s totally unsafe these days for Americans to party Mexican-style?
Because they were so desperate for a Hero, America’s lonely old teabaggers put all their hopes and dreams on a handsome, naked, liberal man in the Socialist Republic of Massachusetts. At least he was white! But after sending him all of their Social Security checks and Green Stamps and whatever, Scott Brown proudly took Ted [...]
Some jackass smoked a cigarette in an airplane lavatory and then JOKED about setting his shoes on fire, poor people don’t pay so much income tax so rich people are telling poor people to get furious about this outrage, and Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell suddenly realized slavery is not currently practiced in either the Commonwealth [...]
Guess who doesn’t want more dumb pain-in-the-ass money-sucking babies? America, home of teen pregnancy and single-parent households! The awful Great Recession that began a couple of years ago is being blamed for the drop in baby drops: 2% less babies in 2008 alone! Even our nation’s drug-addict sext-ing teen-aged scum with snake tattoos around their [...]
Wasn’t a very Good Friday for Jesus, now was it? And it’s not a very good Friday for the leader of the Roman church, which claims a very sketchy direct descendancy from Jesus himself, who was reportedly executed by the Romans. Anyway, who cares, it’s Spring, celebrate it however you like. Bunnies procreate, birds build [...]
Rhode Island, “the Ocean State,” was ironically unprepared for massive flooding that hit this week. [CNN] Kathleen Sebelius sent a sternly worded memo to insurers telling them that they had to be nice to children, even the ones with wonky aortas. [ABC News] The long-awaited spike in swine flu cases has finally come to Georgia, [...]
President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan, where he checked to see if President Karzai had really cleaned his room or just shoved all his junk under his bed. Then Obama put on a leather jacket and wowed scores of troops with his winning Sarah Palin impersonation. [Washington Post] The Moscow Metro has been [...]
A 90-minute discussion between President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu did not include the customary public handshake at the beginning, which means that World War III (AIPAC vs. ACORN) will commence shortly. [Guardian] Parents, don’t all rush to have asthmatic kids just because you think they can get insurance now! They cannot. [AP] Speaking [...]
Health care reform shocker: American Indians are not subject to the Hitlerous insurance mandate. Why does Barack Obama not want Indians vaccinated against smallpox? [New York Times] Still not clear on when you’ll be sent to the Death Panels? Read on. [Associated Press] Hillary Clinton is going to tell AIPAC to stuff it, politely. [Haaretz] [...]
President Obama and the other president, Hillary Rodham Clinton, have forged a strong partnership in spite of their bruising campaign battle because maybe both are adults or something? [New York Times] A new poll shows that many Israelis are in the tank for Barack Obama, while quite a few are not so sure about their [...]
Thai anti-government protesters are continuing with their extremely unsanitary practice of pouring their own blood on things, in public. [Bloomberg] President Obama will pull a “Nixon visits China” over at Fox News, which means that in just two short years we can expect him to resign from office in shame for completely unrelated reasons. [New [...]
A new standard for protest has been set in Thailand, and now Tea Partiers look like a bunch of nancies for not throwing (human?) blood at the buildings of their rivals. [CNN] Relations between the US and Israel have reached “a crisis of historic proportions” since Bibi Netanyahu crapped in Joe Biden’s lunch box. [Reuters] [...]
Set your alarm clock! Pre-orders for Apple’s latest slickly packaged menstrual product for ladies commence on April 3. [CNET] Huzzah, the government will stop subsidizing student lenders and will just make direct loans to students (if the budget bill ever passes)! [New York Times] Beloved Olympic champion Lindsey Vonn won some other thing! [BBC News] [...]
