daily briefing

Glenn Beck gathered 90,000 of his saddest friends from the senior center to have a picnic lunch on MLK’s grave Saturday, which was just a way for Glenn Beck to say to Obama, “When I called you a ‘racist,’ what I meant was some kind of vague crap about how you are not as Christian […]

Wingnut anti-Muslim hysteria finally turned violent in New York this week, when a psychopathic rat-eyed 21-year-old blob obsessed with American soldiers and burning with insane hatred for American Muslims repeatedly stabbed a Manhattan taxi driver in the throat with one of those stupid “Leatherman” pocket knives. “I saw so much anger on his face, so […]

Did you spend the weekend trying to sell off the rest of your meager possessions and avoiding news about the 20 million flood victims in Pakistan? Then you may be one of the 309 million Americans who aren’t dedicated enough to keeping America’s Deadly Muslims from building a “Muslim World” resort on the ashes of […]

With no clear narrative from Tuesday’s primary elections, today the political media will churn the numbers of this new Wall Street Journal/NBC poll in hopes of figuring out something about Americans beyond “hoo boy they are so poor and sad.” Obama is somehow not overwhelmingly popular, but he’s still got a 47% approval rating and […]

Obama’s talky person Robert Gibbs is in big trouble with the dudes who used to sell him dope: the Professional Left. Now that he’s safely in the White House and no longer subject to the daily drug tests America’s few working people are forced to endure thrice daily, Gibbs can point and laugh at the […]

More than 700 people per day are dropping dead in Moscow thanks to the poison smoke from the worst fires since Napoleon tried to burn down Russia two centuries ago. But because Putin’s Russia doesn’t want people thinking the fires are really the problem, doctors have been threatened with dismissal if they diagnose the smoke […]

Remember Chelsea Clinton, the poor little rich girl who lived in the White House during our last era of Peace & Prosperity, when people had no problems beyond grunge, Windows 95, Oval Office blowjobs and the rapidly growing chasm between the wealthy and the poor? Well, Chelsea has not been in the news very much, […]

Good morning, fellow illegal immigrants! It was 234 years ago today when a brave group of brewer-patriots from Mexico formally broke away from White America (England) and declared our Los Estados Unidos de América. But this summer, the loyalist colony of Arizona demanded that its constables harass the Native American-Spaniard mestizos out of the desert […]

The year of endless primaries also became the Year of the Woman again last night, in Oklahoma, where Republican Congresswoman Mary Fallin and Democratic Lieutenant Governor Jari Askins won their respective races and will face each other in the gubernatorial general. Askins just barely beat state Attorney General Drew Edmondson — by less than 1% […]

America’s brand new political party of people who are actually just wigged-out old white Republicans, the Tea Party, has thrown out one of the greatest Tea Party leaders since whenever this nonsense was made up the day a person of dubious race (Hawaiian) somehow won the presidential election 21 months ago. WE WANT OUR COUNTRY […]

Iraq/Katrina/Florida Recount hero Dick Cheney may have finally used up his five death deferments. The beloved 69-year-old former vice president now has a “ventricular assist device” — or a dual-battery heart pump — implanted in his abdomen with motors churning the blood through his otherwise dead heart. The pumps “were once used only to keep […]

Are you closely following “election news” even though the midterm elections are four months away, and also it is the middle of summer? Then you’re probably a) Newt Gingrich or b) a liberal who follows the politics Too Much. And you do not love Barack Obama. A new study proves that 36% of people who […]

Dingbat demagogue talk-radio sideshow freak Michele Bachmann is America’s funniest congresslady, but some people in her suburban Minnesota district don’t love her enough. That’s why the Republican party and its Alaskan anger muppet Sarah Palin have helped Bachmann raise more than $4 million for her re-election campaign and $1.7 million just in the second quarter […]

To prove he “cares” about America and has emotions just like other childish, petulant politicians, Barack Obama went to a state somewhere (Wisconsin, this time) to have a “town hall meeting” and complain about John A. Boehner for describing financial regulation as “killing an ant with a nuclear weapon.” An ant, said Obama. AN ANT? […]

After 51 years in the Senate, Robert Byrd of West Virginia died this morning at the age of 92. Byrd was literally wheeled out to vote on Obama’s health-care reform bill and has been “in failing health” for about as long as anyone can remember. The Democrat is best known for being a Ku Klux […]