Tag: daily briefing

Drunken Muslim-Hating Wingnut Creep-Child Stabs Cabbie

Wingnut anti-Muslim hysteria finally turned violent in New York this week, when a psychopathic rat-eyed 21-year-old blob obsessed with American soldiers and burning with insane hatred for American Muslims repeatedly stabbed a Manhattan taxi driver in the throat with...

Sad, Jobless America Getting Angrier/Dumber About Islam Thing Somewhere

Did you spend the weekend trying to sell off the rest of your meager possessions and avoiding news about the 20 million flood victims in Pakistan? Then you may be one of the 309 million Americans who aren't dedicated...

Despite Nation’s Sadness, Voters Approve of Democrats 33% To GOP’s 24%

With no clear narrative from Tuesday's primary elections, today the political media will churn the numbers of this new Wall Street Journal/NBC poll in hopes of figuring out something about Americans beyond "hoo boy they are so poor and...

Has Robert Gibbs Been High On Liberals’ Marijuana?

Obama's talky person Robert Gibbs is in big trouble with the dudes who used to sell him dope: the Professional Left. Now that he's safely in the White House and no longer subject to the daily drug tests America's...

Russia Burns, Asia Floods, Obama Plays Hoops

More than 700 people per day are dropping dead in Moscow thanks to the poison smoke from the worst fires since Napoleon tried to burn down Russia two centuries ago. But because Putin's Russia doesn't want people thinking the...

Chelsea Clinton Gets Married Tomorrow, In World’s Most Important Wedding

Remember Chelsea Clinton, the poor little rich girl who lived in the White House during our last era of Peace & Prosperity, when people had no problems beyond grunge, Windows 95, Oval Office blowjobs and the rapidly growing chasm...

It’s a Wonderful Day To Be an Illegal Mexican In Arizona!

Good morning, fellow illegal immigrants! It was 234 years ago today when a brave group of brewer-patriots from Mexico formally broke away from White America (England) and declared our Los Estados Unidos de América. But this summer, the loyalist...

Year of the Woman Continues, In Oklahoma, Because of Two Women

The year of endless primaries also became the Year of the Woman again last night, in Oklahoma, where Republican Congresswoman Mary Fallin and Democratic Lieutenant Governor Jari Askins won their respective races and will face each other in the...

Tea Party Celebrates ‘Coloreds’ By Evicting This One Guy

America's brand new political party of people who are actually just wigged-out old white Republicans, the Tea Party, has thrown out one of the greatest Tea Party leaders since whenever this nonsense was made up the day a person...

Dick Cheney, America’s Only Hero, Much Closer To Heroic Death

Iraq/Katrina/Florida Recount hero Dick Cheney may have finally used up his five death deferments. The beloved 69-year-old former vice president now has a "ventricular assist device" -- or a dual-battery heart pump -- implanted in his abdomen with motors...

Everybody Following Politics In Mid-July Hates Nobama

Are you closely following "election news" even though the midterm elections are four months away, and also it is the middle of summer? Then you're probably a) Newt Gingrich or b) a liberal who follows the politics Too Much....

Michele Bachmann Has So Much Campaign Money, It’s Crazy

Dingbat demagogue talk-radio sideshow freak Michele Bachmann is America's funniest congresslady, but some people in her suburban Minnesota district don't love her enough. That's why the Republican party and its Alaskan anger muppet Sarah Palin have helped Bachmann raise...

Mean Obama Accuses Republicans of Doing What They Do

To prove he "cares" about America and has emotions just like other childish, petulant politicians, Barack Obama went to a state somewhere (Wisconsin, this time) to have a "town hall meeting" and complain about John A. Boehner for describing...

Robert Byrd Flies Away To Heaven Along With Financial Reform

After 51 years in the Senate, Robert Byrd of West Virginia died this morning at the age of 92. Byrd was literally wheeled out to vote on Obama's health-care reform bill and has been "in failing health" for about...

Obama’s Robot Gets Well Cap Back On Just In Time For Hurricane

The robot knocked off the containment cap from the mile-deep underwater oil gusher, but now the cap is back in place after many grim hours when the well was spewing out 104,000 gallons per hour. And what's there over...

BP’s Secret Nightmare Revealed: 100,000 Barrels Leaking Every Day

Happy Summer Solstice, Earthlings! Your Earth is bleeding maybe 100,000 barrels of crude oil per day through its Gulf Hole, according to secret BP documents that are no longer secret, thanks to Rep. Ed Markey releasing these no-longer-secret documents....