Posts Tagged ‘daily briefing’

Last Night Virginia Lethally Injected The DC Sniper, Who Is Now Dead

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Obama’s team is willing to send some 30,000 troops to Afghanistan, though it remains to be seem how much moral (and otherwise) support will be provided by Afghanistan and Pakistan. [New York Times]
The DC sniper was executed via lethal injection last night. He had no final words, just one final insane blank stare. [Washington Post]
Swiss scientists are gearing up to make another particle sacrifice to the Large Hadron Collider deity. [CNN]
A United Airlines pilot failed a breathalyzer test. Unclear whether he tried “chewing mint gum,” which according to high school based-science makes alcohol completely undetectable to a breathalyzer. [WSJ]
The outcome of a bunch of helicopters with guns vs. 10 Pakistani militants was predictable. [AP]

Tags: afghanistan, driving drunk, lhc, Obama, pakistan, daily briefing, united airlines
Posted in Wonkette | 34 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

North And South Korea’s Two-Minute-Long Korea-Only Sea Battle

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Koreas North and South had their first actual battle in seven years. It lasted two minutes, which is understandable given it had been seven years. [New York Times]
Nidal Hasan gave some PowerPoint presentation a year and a half ago about how Muslims in the US Army should not be fighting Muslims in other armies. At the time everyone thought this was weird. [Washington Post]
Hasan also became pen pals with a Yemeni-based al Qaeda sympathizer, and this too people knew about a year ago but did not think was that weird because there was no indication within their correspondence that he was going to eventually murder anyone. [Reuters]
The DC sniper will be executed today in Virginia. His lawyers say he is mentally ill and should just be given life in prison though. [WSJ]
At the last minute, Hurricane Ida decided to go as Tropical Storm Ida during its visit to the Gulf Coast states. [AP]
Google is installing free wireless in 47 American airports. They’re calling this a “holiday gift.” Orwell had a different word for it. [CNN]

Tags: dc sniper, dealth penalty, google , hurrican ida, nidal hasan, north korea, daily briefing, south korea
Posted in Wonkette | 32 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

If You Dislike How Other People Can Just Go Ahead And Get Abortions, You Will Love The New Health Care Bill!

Monday, November 9th, 2009

If you were hoping to buy or rent a bunch of abortions and charge them care of whatever new health care bill ends up passing, this will not be possible! [New York Times]
China is very upset with the Dalai Lama for going to some Himalayan town that is not technically a part of China but is so close it’s probably at least entertaining the notion. [Washington Post]
It’s probable that Nidal Malik Hasan acted alone at Ft. Hood. Oh plus President Barack Obama, but other than that, alone, yes. [Wall Street Journal]
So guess now’s as good a time as any to take a look at mental health policy and practices in the military. [Los Angeles Times]
Even though Tony Blair will never admit it, he still wants to be the president of the EU. [Times Online]
Hurricane Ida is the first hurricane to hit America this year. It struck parts of Mississippi, Florida, and New Orleans. All three still exist. [AP]

Tags: abortion, china, dalai lama, ft. hood, health care bill, military, nidal malik hasan, daily briefing, tony blair
Posted in Wonkette | 43 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Everything About Death And Violence And Then One Thing About Jay-Z

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Total body count was 13—with another 30 injured—at Ft. Hood yesterday. The gunman survived after being shot four times. [New York Times]
Speaking of the gunman, Army psychiatrist, Maj. Nidal M. Hasan, here is a lengthy biographical portrait. [Washington Post]
An important Afghan governor and his militia and their rocket launchers are challenging the legitimacy of new president Hamid Karzai. [WSJ]
British PM Gordon Brown—and his soldiers and their implied rocket launchers—also threatened Afghanistan to just, you know, it’s enough already with the corruption. [AP]
The Pakistani Army invaded a Taliban alcove in lawless, mountainy South Waziristan, presumably also a stop on Sarah Palin’s book tour. [Reuters]
So apparently a giant wall (of symbolism?) was blocking everyone’s view at the Jay-Z/Beyonce/U2 performance at the Brandenburg Gate at last night’s fall-of-the-Berlin-Wall-themed concert. [Daily Mail]

Tags: afghanistan, berlin, death, ft. hood massacre, hamid karzai, nidal m. hasan, pakistan, daily briefing, taliban, violence
Posted in Wonkette | 79 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

At Least Everyone Can Agree It Will Be Nice To Have Football On At Bars Again!

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

Last night the Yankees baseball team won the competition that determines the best baseball team of all the other baseball teams! [New York Times]
600 UN staffers in Afghanistan will leave the country for a few weeks while the UN works to find them housing that will be harder to blow up. [Washington Post]
Hurricane Ida is currently in the midst of hitting Nicaragua. It’s expected to bring with it 25 inches of rain, mudslides, all the tradition hurricane accoutrement, etc. [CNN]
Exxon Mobil and Shell have won the World Series of receiving the rights to oil fields in southern Iraq! The Phillies did not win this either. [WSJ]
Cash bonuses on Wall Street will be up 40% this year. [Reuters]
Later this week, Toyota will be sending out a drivers’ mat recall, as the acceleration pedal can get caught in drivers’ mats in certain models. [Los Angeles Times]

Tags: hurricane ida, iraq, oil, daily briefing, united nations, world series, yankees
Posted in Wonkette | 42 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

The Morning After, In Which We See The Winners And Losers By The Light Of Day

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

Yesterday happened! Recall its winners: Bloomberg, Owens, Christie, various Others. [New York Times]
It was also yesterday in Virgina too, where Bob McDonnell defeated Creigh Deeds and is therefore the state’s new governor. [Washington Post]
The state of Maine poured rock salt on gay marriage and voted to up the medical marijuana usage. [WSJ]
Today is the 30th anniversary of the US Embassy takeover/hostage thing in Tehran, but if today’s mass demonstrations showed anything, it’s that people don’t even need any hostages to yell about hating America. [CNN]
Bernanke and Friends are likely to decline raising the interest rate. [AP]
An Afghan soldier literally went rogue and just cold killed five British soldiers with a machine gun inside a police checkpoint. No cheeky Nation polemic is expected to follow. [Times Online]

Tags: afghanistan, bloomberg, chaos, christie, election day, iran, maine, mcdonnell, daily briefing, tehran, winners
Posted in Wonkette | 57 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Election Day For Some Means No-Work-Day For All! (Re: Some)

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

Happy Election Day! Today Chris Christie could lose more than just weight, though really, he could lose some weight. [New York Times]
Political capital, political capital Obama Corzine political politics-word capital. [AP]
The North Korean Army has taken control of the economy, the country’s food supply, their natural resources, etc. [Washington Post]
President of Irony (!!) Hamid Karzai—who, you’ll recall, won Afghanistan’s presidential election without even definitely receiving more votes than his opponent—is suddenly so concerned about corruption. Classic projection is what this is. [CNN]
Two of Britain’s biggest banks—think: about the size of any random American ATMs, like right?—agreed to withhold executive bonuses in exchange for $40 billion “pounds.” (This is one of Corzine’s famous Christie Fatjokes.) [Times Online]
Hillary Clinton has been really going the extra mile lately in terms of trying to convince all Muslims on Earth to refrain from hating her. [Reuters]

Tags: afghanistan, briain, election day, hamid karzai, hilllary clinton, political capital, daily briefing
Posted in Wonkette | 43 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Hamid Karzai Is Declared President—But Was He Even Born In America??

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

After very possibly receiving fewer votes than his opponent, Hamid Karzai has won the presidential election of Afghanistan! [New York Times]
Ford earned $1 billion in the third quarter and people are now thinking the company could be profitable by 2011. [Washington Post]
Yesterday some American guy—originally from Eritrea, but still totally counts—won the New York City Marathon, which is the first time that’s happened since 1982. [CNN]
A suicide bomber killed 30-ish people outside a bank in Pakistan, most of whom used to have something or other to do with the military. [AP]
The New York Yankees baseball team has won another go-round in the baseball tournament, and look at this biased coverage from the New York Post. [New York Post]
Everyone who’s anyone in the Arab world just despises Hillary Clinton. [Reuters]

Tags: afghanistan, Ford, hamid karzai, hillary clinton, new york city marathon, pakistan, daily briefing, world series
Posted in Wonkette | 28 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Top-Secret Congressional Ethics Thing Found On Public Network And Emailed To Washington Post

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Someone accidentally left a document detailing ongoing Congressional ethics violations investigations on a public computer network. The Word paperclip would have advised against this. [Washington Post]
The deposed president of Honduras has been temporarily undeposed by the de facto government. Legitimacy has been totally restored to government there, clearly. [New York Times]
The Philadelphia-based (and Boston-based, for that matter) sports enthusiasts did not enjoy last night nearly as much as they did Wednesday night. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
This Russian tycoon who was forbidden from visiting the US apparently came here twice last year as the personal secret guest of the FBI. [WSJ]
A Coast Guard plane and a Marine helicopter crashed into each other off the coast of California this morning. Despite this being the exact fantasy of every toy-owning toddler, rescue authorities are concerned. [AP]
Rhymey former French president Jacques Chirac will be stand trial for corruption and defend some corrupt-seeming things he did while mayor of Paris. [Times Online]

Tags: congress, congressional ethics, crashes, deposed presidents, honduras, jacques chirac, daily briefing, russia, world series
Posted in Wonkette | 28 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Boy, What A Thrilling/Excruciating Athletics Event On Teevee At The Local Baseball Pub Last Night!

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Last night’s baseball match went smashingly/terribly—depending on whether you were in a sports bar with mostly blue decorations or mostly red ones. [Reuters]
Ahmadinejad implied that Iran would do everyone a favor and would indeed be enriching its uranium elsewhere. [New York Times]
There’s not enough Tamiflu for all America’s children, which means Obama will have no choice but to murder off what’s left of all the vaccineless ones. [Washington Post]
The Golden Gate Bay Bridge will be closed again today while engineers continue to make sure that it’s definitely, like 100% not going to randomly collapse. [CNN]
Obama spent the morning in Dover, Delaware, honoring fallen troops who were recently killed in Afghanistan. [AP]
The incompetence deepens: the FAA did not give the military a heads up so quickly after that commercial airliner and its unresponsive pilots went AWOL last week. [WSJ]

Tags: afghanistan, faa, golden gate bridge, nuclear iran, Obama, daily briefing, tamiflu, world series
Posted in Wonkette | 42 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Please No One Do A ‘Hilarious Topical Political Costume’ And Dress Up As Hamid Karzai’s CIA-Informant Brother

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Hamid Karzai’s brother, a prominent opium dealer (!), has been receiving CIA paychecks for eight years. He will now be fired and replaced by a teenager and an iPhone app. Recession! [New York Times]
A car bomb killed 86 people in Peshawar a couple hours after Hillary Clinton left Peshawar. [AP]
At least six UN-related people died in a bombing in Kabul. Predictably, the Taliban has claimed responsibility, for such is their schtick. [Washington Post]
Those pilots who appeared to have totally forgotten to land the plane for an entire hour after they were supposed to have done so have lost their licenses. [CNN]
“Consumer confidence”—evidently an actual metric and not something people just say—is up for the first time since 2007. [Reuters]
It’s looking like Iran might outsource its uranium enrichment needs, which is exactly what Obama wanted. [Reuters]

Tags: afghanistan, bombing, consumer confidence, deaths, hamid karzai, iran, pakistan, daily briefing
Posted in Wonkette | 32 Comments »