Posts Tagged ‘daily briefing’

Our Federal Government Is Rich… With Irony! Ho Ho

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

The government will run into trouble with its loans once the Fed raises interest rates and might even lose its new 7-bedroom townhouse in Phoenix. [New York Times]
Pedophiles keep molesting children, despite ankle monitor tracking devices things that strongly suggest they consider doing otherwise. [Washington Post]
Short-term radiation leak at Three Mile Island this weekend! Pennsylvania is nuclear-capable, which means serious thought must be given to bombing it. [CNN]
21 Filipino hostages, including the wife of a guy running for governor, were killed after a rival political gang hijacked their convoy. [AP]
The Brazilian President invited Ahmadinejad to Brazil, which is something the US might be mad about even though Ahmadinejad goes to New York like constantly. [LA Times]
Here is the theme of today’s copy of the Internet: this MTV person had a totes scandalous performance on the teenager show. Everyone please hope Andrew Sullivan proves Bristol Palin is a hologram. [MTV News]

Tags: ahmadinejad", brazail, filipino hostages, interest rates, mtv, nuclear things, pedophiles, daily briefing, the fed, three mile island
Posted in Wonkette | 18 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Oprah Is Canceling ‘Oprah’!; Congress THISCLOSE To Asking Oprah To Cancel Barack Obama!

Friday, November 20th, 2009

New controversial medical study ensures that cervical cancer will be the breast cancer of next week. One more’s a trendpiece! [New York Times]
Members of Congress were very busy and shouty last night in trying to decide who they hated more: Obama or Geithner… [Washington Post]
…while Catholic bishops easily picked Obama. [AP]
Please do let the nebbishy hypochondriacs in your life know about the Vicks nasal spray recall. Or actually don’t. [CNN]
Oprah the Human is self-canceling Oprah the Show in September 2011 so she can work on her own cable teevee station side-project. [WSJ]
US citizens will probably not be allowed to visit Cuba again after all. By and large this should come as a huge relief to any Cuban familiar with American spring break cultural practices.. [The Hill]

Tags: abortion, catholic priests, congress, cuba, health care, Obama, oprah, daily briefing
Posted in Wonkette | 21 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Presenting The Senate’s Compromisey $849 Billion Health Care Bill

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Meet Harry Reid & the Senate’s Health Care Bill: $849 billion, 2,074 pages, no insurance for abortions or illegal immigrants, other characteristics, etc. [CNN]
Despite really maxing out every copy editor’s patience with the word “contentious,” Hamid Karzai was sworn-in for another five-year term as President of Afghanistan. [New York Times]
Eric Holder took questions from 9/11 families about KSM’s trip to New York. [Washington Post]
Obama wants to do a free-trade deal with South Korea. Give it a week after this thing goes through that “SKaFTA” is not the name of some 16-year-old’s Bouncing Souls cover band. [WSJ]
Quarantining people isn’t doing much to stop swine flu from killing us all to death. [AP]
Ireland will not be granted that Fifa World Cup playoff rematch, no matter how unfair the Irish justice minister thinks that handball thing was. [Guardian]

Tags: 9/11, eric holder, hamid karzai, harry reid, health care bill, ksm, obama in asia, daily briefing, senate health care bill, south korea, swine flu
Posted in Wonkette | 30 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Gitmo-As-We-Know-It Will Officially Span Two Decades

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

A lot of gynecologists and other lady and/or oncological doctors disagree completely with yesterday’s new things about mammography announcement. [New York Times]
Obama admitted that Gitmo is not going to close by January. This makes keeping his promise to close Gitmo by January a considerably tenuous one. [Washington Post]
Between fraud and anything having to do with Recovery.gov and cleverer types of fraud, the federal government managed to accidentally overpay $98 billion dollars last fiscal year. [CNN]
The Somali pirates are like obsessed with this one US-flagged cargo ship, which they just attacked for the second time in seven months. Creepy. [AP]
Obama’s admiration of the Great Wall of China can be seen from space. [WSJ]
Meet Vaira Vike-Freiberga. Alias: VVF. Pedigree: Twice former president of Latvia. She is this lady running for president of Europe and she is so dope—read all of this: [Times Online]

Tags: eu, gitmo, mammography, Obama, obama in china, daily briefing, somali pirates
Posted in Wonkette | 45 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Obama Continues To Do Things In China, All This Week

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Obama and Chinese president Hu Jintao had the best conversation ever, according to the brief, detail-less talking points Obama gave to reporters right afterward. [New York Times]
If you are a lady over 40 and/or a lady over 50, there have been important changes re: scheduling your no-longer-annual mammogram! [Washington Post]
Obama says that he and Russian president Dmitry “Vladimir Putin” Medvedev are THISCLOSE to drafting a new nuclear nonproliferation treaty. [The Hill]
The nuisancey and frankly a bit boring Somali Pirates obnoxiously and predictably seized a chemical tanker and its North Korean crew off the coast of Seychelles. [CNN]
Non-Bill Gates Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen began a course of chemo for his non-Hodgkins lymphoma. [WSJ]
The UN and Iran have been having secret meetings, at which everyone whispered secret suggestions during a dramatic game of telephone about how Iranians can keep enriching uranium but only if they’re friendly to weapons inspectors. [Times Online]

Tags: hu jintao, iran, iran nuclear weapons, Medvedev, obama china visit, paul allen, daily briefing, russia, somali pirates, the un
Posted in Wonkette | 24 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Internet Star Barack Obama Talked About Twitter Like The Whole Time He Was Abroad

Monday, November 16th, 2009

Obama told Chinese teenagers about the uncensored Internet, a mediocre collection of re-purposed AP articles and some videos that generally people only like when it’s not available. [New York Times]
Over at some United Nations summit, everyone bonded about how much they hate hunger but declined to throw any money at the problem. [AP]
Starting in January, GM will start giving the US $1 billion per quarter to pay off the company’s debt. [Washington Post]
Late Friday, when no one was paying attention, Robert Gates whispered in the Supreme Court’s ear that the Pentagon is forbidding the release of those US military-terror suspect photos. [CNN]
Some Democrats are working on a bill that would compensate everyone whose hours were cut so their companies wouldn’t go out of business immediately. Wonkette Games: what will Democrats and Republicans do to convince everyone on Earth to hate this idea in just a few weeks? [The Hill]
Palestinians might ask the UN for their own state because they are very frustrated with the US, Israel, and not having their own state. [WSJ]

Tags: censorship, china, GM, obama in china, palestine, daily briefing, robert gates, the internet final frontier, torture, united nations
Posted in Wonkette | 19 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Barack Obama Goes To Asia, Where Everyone Is Very Mad At Him

Friday, November 13th, 2009

Barack Obama sent himself to Asia to convince everyone over there that he is not distracted or whatever by various goings-on in Afghanistan and Iraq. [New York Times]
Say farewell to the White House’s rhyming general counsel, Gregory Craig, who is quitting his job today. [Washington Post]
Nidal Hasan will probably face the death penalty. [Wall Street Journal]
Ten people died when a suicide bomber bombed a spy agency in Pakistan to death. [AP]
If Obama goes to Copenhagen for a big climate change summit later this month, everyone will believe him when he says he cares about reducing carbon emissions and the like. [The Hill]
Turns out when the US gives money directly to villages in Afghanistan—as opposed to the central government—the money ends up in the hands of people not in the central government. [New York Times]

Tags: afghanistan, asia, climate change, copenahgen, gregory craig, nidal hasan, Obama, pakistan, daily briefing
Posted in Wonkette | 40 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Nidal Hasan’s Colleagues Were Cool With His Islam, Which, By The Transitive Property, Is Very Significant

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

Obama is just pretending to have any sway within the Obama/Hamid Karzai powercouple. [New York Times]
A bunch of people in the Army were very encouraging of Nidal Hasan’s religious phase, and some even suggested he take college courses about Islam. Should we purge the Army of anyone who self-identifies as a “supportive friend” too?? [Washington Post]
The Malevolent Balloon People of Colorado will plead guilty when they are charged with being the worst parents ever not even in the usual hyperbolic sense. [CNN]
Americans might not buy as much useless garbage for their loved ones this holiday season. [AP]
Obama may dip into TARP funds to help out with the huge deficit. [WSJ]
The weak dollar has consequences other than all the rich Europeans coming to New York to shop “because it is so cheap here”: oil prices could go up, like way up. [Reuters]

Tags: balloon boy, deficit, europe, hamid karzai, nidal hasan, Obama, daily briefing, TARP, the dollar
Posted in Wonkette | 39 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Last Night Virginia Lethally Injected The DC Sniper, Who Is Now Dead

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Obama’s team is willing to send some 30,000 troops to Afghanistan, though it remains to be seem how much moral (and otherwise) support will be provided by Afghanistan and Pakistan. [New York Times]
The DC sniper was executed via lethal injection last night. He had no final words, just one final insane blank stare. [Washington Post]
Swiss scientists are gearing up to make another particle sacrifice to the Large Hadron Collider deity. [CNN]
A United Airlines pilot failed a breathalyzer test. Unclear whether he tried “chewing mint gum,” which according to high school based-science makes alcohol completely undetectable to a breathalyzer. [WSJ]
The outcome of a bunch of helicopters with guns vs. 10 Pakistani militants was predictable. [AP]

Tags: afghanistan, driving drunk, lhc, Obama, pakistan, daily briefing, united airlines
Posted in Wonkette | 34 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

North And South Korea’s Two-Minute-Long Korea-Only Sea Battle

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Koreas North and South had their first actual battle in seven years. It lasted two minutes, which is understandable given it had been seven years. [New York Times]
Nidal Hasan gave some PowerPoint presentation a year and a half ago about how Muslims in the US Army should not be fighting Muslims in other armies. At the time everyone thought this was weird. [Washington Post]
Hasan also became pen pals with a Yemeni-based al Qaeda sympathizer, and this too people knew about a year ago but did not think was that weird because there was no indication within their correspondence that he was going to eventually murder anyone. [Reuters]
The DC sniper will be executed today in Virginia. His lawyers say he is mentally ill and should just be given life in prison though. [WSJ]
At the last minute, Hurricane Ida decided to go as Tropical Storm Ida during its visit to the Gulf Coast states. [AP]
Google is installing free wireless in 47 American airports. They’re calling this a “holiday gift.” Orwell had a different word for it. [CNN]

Tags: dc sniper, dealth penalty, google , hurrican ida, nidal hasan, north korea, daily briefing, south korea
Posted in Wonkette | 32 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

If You Dislike How Other People Can Just Go Ahead And Get Abortions, You Will Love The New Health Care Bill!

Monday, November 9th, 2009

If you were hoping to buy or rent a bunch of abortions and charge them care of whatever new health care bill ends up passing, this will not be possible! [New York Times]
China is very upset with the Dalai Lama for going to some Himalayan town that is not technically a part of China but is so close it’s probably at least entertaining the notion. [Washington Post]
It’s probable that Nidal Malik Hasan acted alone at Ft. Hood. Oh plus President Barack Obama, but other than that, alone, yes. [Wall Street Journal]
So guess now’s as good a time as any to take a look at mental health policy and practices in the military. [Los Angeles Times]
Even though Tony Blair will never admit it, he still wants to be the president of the EU. [Times Online]
Hurricane Ida is the first hurricane to hit America this year. It struck parts of Mississippi, Florida, and New Orleans. All three still exist. [AP]

Tags: abortion, china, dalai lama, ft. hood, health care bill, military, nidal malik hasan, daily briefing, tony blair
Posted in Wonkette | 43 Comments »