* Things are just peachy and great in Iraq, we might not even need to stay there that much longer. [NYT, WP] MORE »

* Finally, Fred is declared and ready to move forward with his doomed campaign. [The Hill]
* The Justice Dept. is investigating whether or not Gonzo is a liar or, say, a criminal. [NYT]
* State secrets are the lifeblood of democracy. [NYT]
* We’re just going to go ahead and say right now that on Mike Huckabee is a sure thing to be the next president of the United States. [WP]
* The primaries inch closer to 2007. [USAT]
* The economy isn’t at rock bottom yet so it’s about time we start listening to President Sandbag’s ideas about how to get shit going again. [Politico]
* Some procedural drama we don’t understand or know anything about is happening in Congress and needs a select committee of people we’ve never heard of to sort it out. [The Hill]
* Juris prudence has triumphed again as a district court ruled that the FEC doesn’t need to regulate 527 groups. In fact, why even bother with all this troublesome election law to begin with? [Roll Call]

* The GOP turns mighty quickly on one of their own when it turns out he’s a gay homo doing butt sex in the mens room. [NYT]
* Oh, wait, now all of a sudden Bush does want to work with Democrats who will surely support whatever shit for brains jackass he puts up to be AG. [NYT]
* Conservative PACs aren’t the only ones that know how to violate election law. [Politico]
* Libtards to take their protest to where Congress and the general public can easily ignore them. [The Hill]
* The critical Wyoming primary has moved from its previous spot on the vote calendar to first in the nation - until the end of today. [USAT]
* Hey, here’s an idea. What if only poor people paid taxes and only the wealthiest people got welfare? [WT]
* California needs to get serious about killing its black people. [LAT]

* Um, we’d suggest taking a closer look, because those aren’t exactly “scandal scars” the GOP’s got, if you catch our drift. [NYT]
* Larry Craig’s bathroom problem is a story with legs. Sweaty, hairy legs, and hard, throbbing cocks. [WP]
* Senate Republicans want an investigation of Craig’s behavior, but honestly, if they don’t know how this shit works by now it’s really not up to some investigator to tell them. [Roll Call]
* Totally immobilized with 18 months left in his administration and without the political capital to do much of anything, Bush wants to have a big old brawl with Congress when he nominates some jackass to be AG. [WP]
* Republican front-runners are out to make Mike Huckabee look like God. [The Hill]
* John McCain’s going on welfare. [Politico]
* Bill Clinton isn’t exactly first lady material and Hillary ain’t exactly his first or last lady, either. [WT]
* Fugitive from California authorities, Norman Hsu gives all kinds of cash to Hillary because he knows how much the Clintons love to pardon rogue businessmen. [LAT]

* The good news is, Gonzo and Karl are both gone. The bad news is, Bush gets to make decisions on his own for the next 18 months. [NYT]
* If sex with an anonymous partner in an airport bathroom is wrong, then we don’t want to be right. [WP]
* Mitt Romney distances himself from Craig because he’s worried he’ll catch the gay if he stands too close. [Politico]
* The military just took like 2 seconds to take a piss, literally turned its back for just 2 seconds, and now what a total fucking mess. [NYT]
* The main problem with the surge is that it hasn’t send Lindsey Graham to Iraq often enough. [WP]
* John Edwards wants you to know that when Hillay Clinton takes money from many of the same donors John Edwards takes money from, she doesn’t know it’s a bad thing. [The Hill]

* Fred Thompson hopes that the time he pretended to be a Watergate investigator will be good enough for the American people to let him pretend to be president. More likely though, they’ll want him to continue to pretending to be a prosecutor on the teevee. [NYT]
* Convenient timing for the California GOP to have a come-to-Jesus about the electoral college. [WP]
* Bush will continue to lie and say crazy things and then send more troops into Iraq while we’re all standing around with our jaws on the floor. [NYT]
* Republicans love Hillary Clinton because frothing, wild-eyed hatred is the only way they can see keeping the White House. [Politico]
* As Americans, it’s our duty to increase the number of nations employing children as soldiers, and that’s why we invaded Iraq. [LAT]
* The next generation of Democrats crash and burn early. [USAT]
* Ann Romney’s got some shit to say too, but she’s busy cooking and making babies. [BG]
* “Four more years” of Clintonism surely spells disaster for a nation that just recently began heading in the right direction. [CT]

* Bush, a student of history, would apparently liked to be remembered as pretty much just like LBJ, except without all the civil rights and domestic political successes. [NYT, WT]
* Mitt has realized that bullshit is out of fashion. [WP]
* Groups drop fliff like it don’t even matter. [NYT]
* Denny Hastert’s all like, “I’m old, I’m fat, I’m out this motherfucker.” [Politico]
* Amnesty international? More like, Just-Go-Ahead-Harvest-The-Unborn-Like-So-Much-Wheat-Or-Corn-Or-Whatever International. [WT]
* Fred’s going to do alright because of the teevee, but one of these days he’s going to have to get a job. [LAT]
* Rudy acts all tough but he talks like a pussy. [USAT]

* The CIA plays another round of Pin the Tail on the Donkey. [NYT]
* The Pentagon finally acknowledges that spying on hippies has turned up no leads. [NYT]
* But the White House has some “rally squads” for back up, you know, Just in case. [WP]
* Picking fights and shady campaign ethics; perhaps Fred Thompson is presidential after all. [The Hill]
* Bush denies selling America to Mexico while in Canada “standardizing the jelly bean.” [WT]
* Politicians say stupid shit, nation shocked. [USAT]
* If California is a political indicator for the rest of us, we may soon be doing crazy things like electing the president through a popular vote. [LAT]

* Bush puts on a top hat and a curly mustache and laughs at sick children. [NYT]
* Sen. Patrick Leahy makes the controversial suggestion that there are possibly criminals in the White House. [NYT]
* Cheney says he has the documents Leahy wants, but tells the Senator to go fuck himself. Again. [WP]
* Meanwhile, Sen. Carl Levin has identified some trouble with Iraq’s leadership. [WP]
* No one told Rep. Bob Filner that there are no tests of strength in order to get your bags back, they just put them on the conveyer belt and out they come. Also, beating people is a crime.[Roll Call, Politico]
* Fred Thompson is a cocktease, and cockteases always have to answer to bloggers and FEC. [The Hill]
* Bush’s “mining czar” has been a real drag on the national accident average. [ABC4]

* Everyone’s putting their bullshit on the airwaves earlier than ever in the contest to be the party America hates the least. [WP]
* Karl Rove suggests that if he ever offered a black man a blowjob, it would only be to stay out of danger. [NYT]
* We respect a Rudy for trying to keep religion and family out of the campaign, but respect him even more for keeping religion and family out of his life. [Politico]
* Time-tested shiny, jingly object routine still works like a charm. [NYT]
* President Chim Chim, ignored by everyone, sulks. [WP]
* Politicians love ethanol because it doesn’t solve any problems. [Politico]
* Now even the other candidates agree that Hillary should be president. [The Hill]
* Suburban Chicago will find the finest asshole Illinois has to offer to replace legendarily long-lasting asshole Dennis Hastert. [Roll Call]
* Summer of Cum strikes Bill Richardson. [USAT]

* Jose Padilla is guilty on all charges of being an evil scary terrorist because after this many years, why not. [NYT, WP]
* Perhaps the FBI director wasn’t wearing his glasses or his hearing aid when he thought he saw Fredo doing something really fucking crazy. [NYT, WP]
* For Obama and Hillary, it was about whether or not to nuke Pakistan. For Mitt and Rudy, it’s about what to do with the Mexicans. That pretty much sums up where the country’s heading, we think. [WP]
* Lots of Republicans are quitting their jobs, which would matter a whole lot more to us if the Democrats’ leadership of Congress went beyond just not fucking little boys. [Roll Call]
* Gen. Patraeus will be allowed to testify to Congress, he just won’t necessarily say anything realistic. [The Hill]
* Rudy wants his family to be left alone which is fine because they don’t want anything to do with him either. [LAT]
* No one really cares about the whole dirty money thing just at the moment because, oh, hey, there’s a war. [Politico]