daily briefing

NEW YORK—It’s Thanksgiving in America, which can only mean one thing: giant helium balloons have taken over New York City’s 7th Avenue for the 85th annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. OK, two things actually, since Thanksgiving in America also means crazy people pitching tents outside of Best Buy.

New polling shows fully half of the nation would support an attack on Iran should the latest sanctions fail. Considering that the consensus at last night’s debate was that sanctions had already failed, we’re all basically living 2002 all over again. Occupy Wall St. had it’s biggest media week yet according to a study from […]

NEW YORK — In a surprise to no one who has any sort of functioning memory of Washington over the last decade (i.e. not the Beltway press), the supercommittee has failed. Gird yourselves now for the coming year of annoying politicians repeating annoying terms like “trigger” and “sequester. Hilariously, Wall Street plunged a couple of […]

The bloodiest, craziest, most Gaddafiest revolution of 2011 (so far) got a little closer to the end as the West’s favorite dictator/basket case supposedly begged for a deal to let him and his family escape Libya alive. The rebel leadership thought about this for several seconds and then said, “Nah, dude.” Let this be a […]

Did the six decades of Egyptian military autocracy end while you slept? No, not yet. Hosni Mubarak has ordered the police back into the streets (some are apparently listening) and has apparently given “shoot to kill” orders to the nation’s army (which mostly posed for pictures and prevented mayhem over the weekend). Iranian propaganda outlet […]

How many awful, corrupt U.S. client states in the Middle East will collapse under the weight of immense daily protests? The anti-government movement in Egypt makes its biggest show today, with massive numbers of people filling the streets of nearly every big town. Hosni Mubarak’s government has responded in a slow, plodding way but is […]

Have you been very worried about Alaska’s exurban fame monster Sarah Palin? Don’t worry! She crawled out of her winter den and saw her reflection in Greta Van Susteren’s plastic jaw, so this means we’ll have six thousand years of nuclear winter once Palin winds up becoming president (of the Breakaway Republic of Wasilla) in […]

Granted, this is limited to people who admitted to watching the State of the Union, but those who did say they overwhelmingly approved of the mish-mash of Sputnik and Spending Cuts and “Clean Coal” that Obama presented to the nation as maybe some way that people might eventually get a job in America. 92% is […]

Republican time travelers have a very strong argument against Barack Obama’s state of the union speech — the speech he will give tonight — and it basically goes like this: “Oh yeah, well then why doesn’t everyone have a job?” If, by chance, he announces that everyone as of this moment has a steady job, […]

In a desperate bid to prove he worships Wall Street enough to be allowed to remain president, Barack Obama has appointed General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt to the new White House group that will decide if CEOs are being treated well enough. (Obama is also shutting down the economic recovery panel led by Paul Volcker.) […]

Now that everybody has forgotten the Tucson Massacre — when was that, anyhow? — House Republicans will finally fulfill their destiny today by impotently voting to repeal Health Care Reform. At this very moment, they’re “debating” on the House floor, holding up some old Ross Perot and Tea Party charts/signs and getting ready for easy […]

Happy “Whoops, We Invaded Afghanistan” Day! (Of course, back then it was called “Operation Enduring Hooray We ‘Liberated’ Afghanistan from the Towelheads.”) Nine years ago today, America sat on its XXL fundillo and “channel surfed” for cool night-vision footage of Kabul exploding and CNN cellphone camera videos of Army Rangers killing (“liberating”) things. Everyone loved […]

A mysterious person called “Gina Loudon” who allegedly lies about everything also allegedly lied when she claimed to know the reporter who wrote the new Vanity Fair Sarah Palin story, which claims (for the first time, we’re sure!) that Sarah Palin is a paranoid fraud who savagely destroys anyone who crosses her. VF writer Michael […]

California heavyweight Barbara Boxer pulled no punches as she savagely pounded newcomer rival Carly Fiorina in a decision knockout filled with low blows and direct hits. Before a ringside audience outside San Francisco, Boxer dominated despite a height disadvantage (she literally stood her ground atop a wooden box) and Fiorina’s low blows and cheap shots. […]

Did you stay up late watching the president’s four-second speech about the end of the “fightin’ part” of the 2003 U.S. invasion of Iraq? Then you must be feeling very victorious today, and ready to prosecute the next war against American Freedom, which is the war against the way we spent money we didn’t have […]