daily briefing
Americans Gobble Up Lard, Lenders Don’t Gobble Up German Debt
NEW YORK—It’s Thanksgiving in America, which can only mean one thing: giant helium balloons have taken over New York City’s 7th Avenue for the 85th annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. OK, two things actually, since Thanksgiving in America also means crazy people pitching tents outside of Best Buy.
Bombing Iran, Politicizing Turkey
New polling shows fully half of the nation would support an attack on Iran should the latest sanctions fail. Considering that the consensus at last night’s debate was that sanctions had already failed, we’re all basically living 2002 all over again. Occupy Wall St. had it’s biggest media week yet according to a study from [...]
Super Committee Flops, Stocks Drop, Newt Glops
NEW YORK — In a surprise to no one who has any sort of functioning memory of Washington over the last decade (i.e. not the Beltway press), the supercommittee has failed. Gird yourselves now for the coming year of annoying politicians repeating annoying terms like “trigger” and “sequester. Hilariously, Wall Street plunged a couple of [...]
Gaddafi Seeks Deal To Let Him Escape Libya, Instead of Being Hanged
The bloodiest, craziest, most Gaddafiest revolution of 2011 (so far) got a little closer to the end as the West’s favorite dictator/basket case supposedly begged for a deal to let him and his family escape Libya alive. The rebel leadership thought about this for several seconds and then said, “Nah, dude.” Let this be a [...]
Mubarak Hangs On, Opposition Calls For Million Egyptian March
Did the six decades of Egyptian military autocracy end while you slept? No, not yet. Hosni Mubarak has ordered the police back into the streets (some are apparently listening) and has apparently given “shoot to kill” orders to the nation’s army (which mostly posed for pictures and prevented mayhem over the weekend). Iranian propaganda outlet [...]
Egypt On the Verge, Biden Praises Mubarak, Protests Spread To Yemen
How many awful, corrupt U.S. client states in the Middle East will collapse under the weight of immense daily protests? The anti-government movement in Egypt makes its biggest show today, with massive numbers of people filling the streets of nearly every big town. Hosni Mubarak’s government has responded in a slow, plodding way but is [...]
Obama’s State of the Union Speech Is/Will Be Bad Because ….
Republican time travelers have a very strong argument against Barack Obama’s state of the union speech — the speech he will give tonight — and it basically goes like this: “Oh yeah, well then why doesn’t everyone have a job?” If, by chance, he announces that everyone as of this moment has a steady job, [...]
House Republicans Finally Try To Take Your Health Insurance Today
Now that everybody has forgotten the Tucson Massacre — when was that, anyhow? — House Republicans will finally fulfill their destiny today by impotently voting to repeal Health Care Reform. At this very moment, they’re “debating” on the House floor, holding up some old Ross Perot and Tea Party charts/signs and getting ready for easy [...]
Vanity Fair’s Sarah Palin Story Is Totally True, Says Vanity Fair
A mysterious person called “Gina Loudon” who allegedly lies about everything also allegedly lied when she claimed to know the reporter who wrote the new Vanity Fair Sarah Palin story, which claims (for the first time, we’re sure!) that Sarah Palin is a paranoid fraud who savagely destroys anyone who crosses her. VF writer Michael [...]
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