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Tag: daily briefing

Americans Gobble Up Lard, Lenders Don’t Gobble Up German Debt

NEW YORK—It's Thanksgiving in America, which can only mean one thing: giant helium balloons have taken over New York City's 7th Avenue for the 85th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. OK, two things actually, since Thanksgiving in America also...

Bombing Iran, Politicizing Turkey

New polling shows fully half of the nation would support an attack on Iran should the latest sanctions fail. Considering that the consensus at last night's debate was that sanctions had already failed, we're all basically living...

Super Committee Flops, Stocks Drop, Newt Glops

NEW YORK — In a surprise to no one who has any sort of functioning memory of Washington over the last decade (i.e. not the Beltway press), the supercommittee has failed. Gird yourselves now for the coming year...

Gaddafi Seeks Deal To Let Him Escape Libya, Instead of Being Hanged

The bloodiest, craziest, most Gaddafiest revolution of 2011 (so far) got a little closer to the end as the West's favorite dictator/basket case supposedly begged for a deal to let him and his family escape Libya alive. The rebel...

Mubarak Hangs On, Opposition Calls For Million Egyptian March

Did the six decades of Egyptian military autocracy end while you slept? No, not yet. Hosni Mubarak has ordered the police back into the streets (some are apparently listening) and has apparently given "shoot to kill" orders to the...

Egypt On the Verge, Biden Praises Mubarak, Protests Spread To Yemen

How many awful, corrupt U.S. client states in the Middle East will collapse under the weight of immense daily protests? The anti-government movement in Egypt makes its biggest show today, with massive numbers of people filling the streets of...

Sarah Palin Emerges From Hole, Sees Her Shadow, Says ‘WTF’

Have you been very worried about Alaska's exurban fame monster Sarah Palin? Don't worry! She crawled out of her winter den and saw her reflection in Greta Van Susteren's plastic jaw, so this means we'll have six thousand years...

Obama Wins the Morning: 92% Who Watched Approved!

Granted, this is limited to people who admitted to watching the State of the Union, but those who did say they overwhelmingly approved of the mish-mash of Sputnik and Spending Cuts and "Clean Coal" that Obama presented to the...

Obama’s State of the Union Speech Is/Will Be Bad Because ….

Republican time travelers have a very strong argument against Barack Obama's state of the union speech -- the speech he will give tonight -- and it basically goes like this: "Oh yeah, well then why doesn't everyone have a...

Anti-Business Obama Puts Another CEO In Charge of America

In a desperate bid to prove he worships Wall Street enough to be allowed to remain president, Barack Obama has appointed General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt to the new White House group that will decide if CEOs are being...

House Republicans Finally Try To Take Your Health Insurance Today

Now that everybody has forgotten the Tucson Massacre -- when was that, anyhow? -- House Republicans will finally fulfill their destiny today by impotently voting to repeal Health Care Reform. At this very moment, they're "debating" on the House...

Happy Nine Years of Fighting for Nothing In Afghanistan!

Happy "Whoops, We Invaded Afghanistan" Day! (Of course, back then it was called "Operation Enduring Hooray We 'Liberated' Afghanistan from the Towelheads.") Nine years ago today, America sat on its XXL fundillo and "channel surfed" for cool night-vision footage...

Vanity Fair’s Sarah Palin Story Is Totally True, Says Vanity Fair

A mysterious person called "Gina Loudon" who allegedly lies about everything also allegedly lied when she claimed to know the reporter who wrote the new Vanity Fair Sarah Palin story, which claims (for the first time, we're sure!) that...

Barbara Boxer Does Boxing Analogy To Carly Fiorina’s ‘Wall Street Values’

California heavyweight Barbara Boxer pulled no punches as she savagely pounded newcomer rival Carly Fiorina in a decision knockout filled with low blows and direct hits. Before a ringside audience outside San Francisco, Boxer dominated despite a height disadvantage...

It’s Victory Wednesday: Punch the Economy For Iraq!

Did you stay up late watching the president's four-second speech about the end of the "fightin' part" of the 2003 U.S. invasion of Iraq? Then you must be feeling very victorious today, and ready to prosecute the next war...

Barack Obama So Bored of Wingnuts Calling Him Muslim

Glenn Beck gathered 90,000 of his saddest friends from the senior center to have a picnic lunch on MLK's grave Saturday, which was just a way for Glenn Beck to say to Obama, "When I called you a 'racist,'...