Tag Archives: daily beast

  Ivana Was Thinking Of Some Mexican Probably

Donald Trump Never Raped His Wife And Even If He Did It Was Classy

Not available at any Trump retail locations
Not that it’s likely to cause even the least hiccup in his campaign prospects, but here’s a whole new Donald Trump mess that’s actually old: the Daily Beast reminds us that during his very classy and completely amicable divorce from Ivana, the former Mrs. Trump accused Donald of raping her. This is not entirely unknown, as the incident is discussed in a 1993 book, Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump, by Harry Hurt III, which is really not a porn name at all. The details of the accusation, from a deposition in the divorce case, are sordid and gross, and not only because they involve Donald Trump. Also, the Daily Beast piece informs us that one of Trump’s attorneys, Michael Cohen, is one huge asshole; his epic hissy-fit at Daily Beast reporters Tim Mak and Brandy Zadrozny is a story in itself. Will any of it hurt the Trump campaign? Why would it? Trump supporters love him because he’s a sociopath, and for all we know, a little rape story could actually boost his popularity since the mean liberal media is beating up on him. Read more on Donald Trump Never Raped His Wife And Even If He Did It Was Classy…
  Nice piece of grift ya got there

Daily Caller Dude Suddenly Realizes Sarah Palin Is Dumb And Terrible, Would Like A Medal Please

Her?
Some “writer” at Tucker Carlson’s interwebs home for keyboard-banging anger bears has made an amazing discovery. And that discovery is that Sarah Palin sucks, maybe? In a column cleverly titled “You Betcha I Was Wrong About Sarah Palin” at the Daily Beast — apparently because it’s too highbrow to run alongside the typical piles of pixelated garbage at The Daily Caller — Matt Lewis, aka Matt K. Lewis, aka Some Conservative Writer Dude who has smeared his various bylines all over the wingnuttosphere, asks the extraordinary Hot Take Deep Thought question: Read more on Daily Caller Dude Suddenly Realizes Sarah Palin Is Dumb And Terrible, Would Like A Medal Please…
  off with their heads!

The Taliban Getting Pretty High And Mighty About Daily Beast’s Crimes Against Journalism

Daily Beast, we hope you are good and ashamed of yourself! You have been called out for your bad behavior by no less an authority on “crimes” than the “Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan,” known to you and me as “The Taliban.” Read more on The Taliban Getting Pretty High And Mighty About Daily Beast’s Crimes Against Journalism…
  newsbeast is dead long live newsbeast

Tina Brown To Leave Daily Beast, Now Free To Ruin New Publication

Today we bid farewell — or prepare to bid farewell, if “a source with direct knowledge” has given the straight dope to Buzzfeed — to Tina Brown as editor of The Daily Beast, and maybe, who knows, to the Beast itself: According to a source with direct knowledge of the situation, The Daily Beast parent company IAC owned by media mogul Barry Diller does not plan to renew Brown’s contract when it expires in January. The decision has been made for the two sides to part ways, said the source, but precise details of the separation are still being worked out. Yr Doktor Zoom is not what you’d call a media insider, but he reads enough to know that Tina Brown has kind of a reputation for… well, shall we say, flashy crap over substance? Like those charming Newsweek covers of ragey Muslims and Zombie Princess Di? So what’s next for the woman who is to media properties what the 9/11 hijackers were to office buildings? Read more on Tina Brown To Leave Daily Beast, Now Free To Ruin New Publication…
  hot pixxx

Howard Kurtz Appoints Himself Chief Constabulary Of The Islamic Religious Police

Prepare to clutch your pearls, wonketeers. We have on our hands a tawdry display of vile sexuality that absolutely DEMANDS to be shown to the world. It seems that a politician errr, a journalist the private-citizen daughter-in-law of a retired journalist has put up some super-racy photos on the Facebooks! Gasp! and bring me a cool mint julep for my sensibilities have been affronted. And Howard Kurtz is ON THE CASE! Don’t remember who Howard Kurtz is? He used to be the host of CNN’s Reliable Sources, a teevee show dedicated to talking about the media, whereby media elites would talk to other media elites on the teevee about media folks on teevee and in journamilism. Apparently the show name Circle Jerk was already taken. After like a million years, he decided to jump ship for Fox News because apparently he was unable to express his full magnitude of dickishness at CNN. Fresh off getting his ass so fired from Daily Beast, Kurtz is fitting into his new role at Fox News nicely. Rather than report on actual news (you know, debt ceiling, Syria, immigration reform, Miley Cyrus), Kurtz bizarrely decided to attack Pari Bradlee, the daughter-in-law of respected Washington Post journalist Ben Bradlee: Her new [Facebook] profile picture, in a Swiss-cheese bra that leaves little to the imagination and long black leather sleeves and briefs, is so revealing that it drew a torrent of breathless comments. In another just-posted photo she is nude, shot from the back, twisting one arm behind her. Egads! We shall have to sexplore this unseemly graphic XXXXX-rated facebook stuff!  Read more on Howard Kurtz Appoints Himself Chief Constabulary Of The Islamic Religious Police…
  yo bum rush the shooter

Megan McArdle Proposes The Worst Solution To Anything Ever

In the wake of Friday’s horrific shooting, we’ve seen lots of suggestions on how to cope, how to move forward, and how to think about guns. We had predictably terrible people say predictably terrible things about how if there were only armed teachers, none of this would have happened. We had gun lobbyists showing up on your teevee to tell you that now is the time to be prepared to take up arms against your government.  Yr Wonkette got into the act with not-horrible-actually-quite-necessary think pieces on mental illness and how it is really fucking time to talk about guns and gun control. As thoughtful as we have been, and as awful as the usual suspects have been, it falls to Megan McArdle, now writing at the Daily Beast, to take things to an almost incomprehensible level of stupid. At the very end of approximately one million words where she says the only way to stop the kind of horror perpetrated at Newtown would be to ban all guns, but that we cannot ban all guns, she offers the only possible solution: Read more on Megan McArdle Proposes The Worst Solution To Anything Ever…
  "Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard" To Be Even More Obscure

Filthy iPads Finally Murder Newsweek Print Edition

We hope you damn hipsters with your Kindlepads and iNookies are happy. Newsweek, a bastion of middle-brow media culture since its 1933 inception, will convert to an all-digital format in 2013, according to an announcement today on Tina Brown’s Internet Tendency. Read more on Filthy iPads Finally Murder Newsweek Print Edition…
  daily beast on such a roll this week

Meghan McCain Fired From Being Wonkette GOP Gal Pal Bestie

All those years of hair-braiding and pillow fights. All those thousands of reader comments devoted to saying really terribly offensive shit about your rack. We loved you long time, Megs McCabe, but sometimes the things that fall out of your typey fingers are just too much to bear. You wanna side with Sarah Palin on someone else’s skull being a cauldron of brain-poop? And that person is our Old Handsome Joe? Sorry, Megs, but cue Donald Trump: YOU ARE NO LONGER EMPLOYED. Let us examine what you dictated to Siri for your Daily Beast Dear Diary, which is Just Cause for your termination: Read more on Meghan McCain Fired From Being Wonkette GOP Gal Pal Bestie…
  the horror

Master Of Terror Stephen King Rains Buckets Of Blood On Poor Rich Folks

Stephen King (“Carrie,” “Cujo” “The Michele Bachmann Story”) is a pretty rich dude, and he has some thoughts on other rich dudes and taxes. He makes a gentle argument, comparing hardly anyone to “old, dead dogshit,” so he cannot be a regular correspondent for Your Wonkette (also, he only quotes the motto of the Church of the Subgenius once). But he can still get an excerpt! Read more on Master Of Terror Stephen King Rains Buckets Of Blood On Poor Rich Folks…
  leading political theorists

Meghan McCain Writes Least Insightful Column About #OWS In History

EVERYONE EXHALE, America’s foremost pillar of Internet opinionation Meghan McCain has finally found time in her manic schedule writing her bi-monthly Daily Beast column to drop by Zuccotti Park so she can do her part and help explain to any of her readers who have been in a coma for the last month, “what’s up with all that protesting?” The exciting title for her piece is “My Day at Occupy Wall Street” in accordance with the third-grade manual of style guidelines for first-person essays about field trips to the zoo, which is what we will call her “theme” since Meg has eschewed the more reporterly trope of using any kind of “angle” whatsoever. So let’s see, what trove of recycled generalizations has our intrepid columnist obtained through her journey? Read more on Meghan McCain Writes Least Insightful Column About #OWS In History…
  massively important political news

Meghan McCain Finally Takes Offense At Someone Calling Her Stupid

Oh boohoo, Meghan McCain is furious because mean old troll Erick Erickson’s right-wing website RedState.com posted some kind of half-wit parody of Meghan McCain’s vapid Daily Beast columns that her lawyers say too closely resembles her actual half-wit columns to count as satire. The original post has been taken down, but the full version of it can be found here and includes such showstoppers as, “Some ignorant jerk, clearly who doesn’t know about the young people, pointed out that George W. Bush 1.0 won, two elections, which is two more than my dad did.” Why Meghan McCain chose to pick on RedState.com out of all the Internet media outlets that have mocked her over time for her mule-like insistence that she is relevant to Republican politics is anyone’s guess (or not, because no one cares), but we will go ahead and assume princess is jealous of Erick Erickson’s recurring gig shilling right-wing talking points on CNN. HOW IS THAT FAIR? Because Erick Erickson’s dad is not John McCain, so why should he get a better media job? Read more on Meghan McCain Finally Takes Offense At Someone Calling Her Stupid…
  street smarts

Meghan McCain’s ‘Perverse Side’ Also Has Election Predictions

Sure, we’ve already caught up with Basil Marceaux to get his election predictions, but what about America’s second-best pundit, The Daily Beast’s Senior Political Analyst Meghan McCain? It turns out she also knows how things will turn out tonight. So who will win? Republicans mostly, and also mostly moderate, so-called (by nobody) “Meghan McCain Republicans,” like Charlie Crist and Lisa Murkowski. Oh, and that latter upset will finally let Meg wrest away the title she deserves: “Alaska is fascinating because it will either confirm or deny Sarah Palin’s reign as kingmaker.” The queen is dead! Long live Queen Meghan! Meghan also admits she has a “perverse side” that makes her do gross stuff like decide Christine O’Donnell will win. Eww! Read more on Meghan McCain’s ‘Perverse Side’ Also Has Election Predictions…
  nauseating friday

Tina Brown’s Internet Tendency Wants You To Know That Sasha Obama Is a ‘Fashion Icon’

What we really need is for someone to break down the cost of things Sasha Obama wears and where to get them, because she is nine years old. Thankfully, we have The Daily Beast. “The affordability of Sasha’s clothes, according to Mary Tomer, ‘makes Mrs. Obama and Sasha Obama all the more relatable.’ She says that Sasha’s style choices communicate a ‘vibrant and playful — yet entirely unique — American childhood.'” Sasha is very careful to brand herself the right way. Her brand says, “I am a fucking child. You people are disgusting.” Read more on Tina Brown’s Internet Tendency Wants You To Know That Sasha Obama Is a ‘Fashion Icon’…
  alternately "twitter's bob woodward"

Meghan McCain’s Twitter’s Daily Beast Exposé About Michael Steele Is Impossibly Scoop-Laden

“Arizona’s Sy Hersh” Meghan McCain has uncovered secret publicly available newspaper articles, YouTube videos and blog posts indicating without a doubt that Michael Steele purposely sought to win his current chairmanship of the RNC. This proves intent! Which has all sorts of corollary sub-meaning, contextually. For example: did you know it is the definition of “indecisive” to be more excited about a job upon first being hired than after working there for a year? Read more on Meghan McCain’s Twitter’s Daily Beast Exposé About Michael Steele Is Impossibly Scoop-Laden…
  monetizable web sites

140 Pulitzers In The Category Of ‘Doomsday Prophecy’ For Your Wonkette, Please

We said there was no cure! Quarantine the “Twitter part” of the Internet now please. [Twitter] UPDATE: Meg annotates this very confusing Twitter message with a follow-up Twitter message—as is customary in the hobby of journalism—after the jump. Read more on 140 Pulitzers In The Category Of ‘Doomsday Prophecy’ For Your Wonkette, Please…
  also her new father-in-law is an ex-con

Will Chelsea Clinton Become a Jew, For Marriage?

How far we’ve come, as a nation! Only a few generations ago, Jews were not allowed to be famous politicians, and could not golf with elitists such as Tiger Woods. But now, thanks to racial progress, America may soon perhaps have its first converted-Jewish former first daughter! According to a completely speculative blog post on Tina Brown’s Internet Fad, Chelsea is apparently going to marry a Jewish dude. Will she “convert” to whatever religion Jews have? Does she have a religion to convert from? Nobody knows! But this has never stopped anyone from posting something on the Internet. [Daily Beast] Read more on Will Chelsea Clinton Become a Jew, For Marriage?…