Tag Archives: dadt

  Wonksplaining why making gay jokes about Schock IS TOO okay

How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock

The internet is abuzz with the resignation of fresh-faced congressbottom Aaron Schock, mired as he has been in allegations of ethics violation after ethics violation after gay ethics violation. We are sure we will find out more in coming weeks about exactly why he resigned now, as things continue to fall out of the closets of his Downton Abbey office, and we will write words about it when that happens. Read more on How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock…
  everything turning up rainbows for gaymerica

Brave, Totally Not Homophobic Oklahoma Senator Fights For Equality Of Straight Soldiers

Gays have it so easy, man. They can marry in 13 states, people – THIRTEEN! That’s as many as were originally in America when Jesus walked across the Atlantic Ocean to found this nation! And they can serve openly in the military, no longer having to fear being outed as they risk their lives in bullshit wars that we fought ’cause of daddy issues. But it seems that the gays are never satisfied, and keep wrangling for special benefits because they are so privileged. Well, one brave senator is sick and tired of all the special benefits that the LGBTQMORELETTERS community continue to get in America, and he is not going to take it anymore! Per ThinkProgress: Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-OK) blasted a proposed Pentagon policy aimed at giving same-sex couples the time to travel to states where they can legally marry on Thursday. YES! Anger at the military for policies about teh gheys!! This is just the kind of outreach envisioned after a crushing 2012 electoral defeat where 95% of gays voted for that effeminate Obama character! Let’s gaysplore what has Inhofe’s panties in a totally-not-gay wad.   Read more on Brave, Totally Not Homophobic Oklahoma Senator Fights For Equality Of Straight Soldiers…
  just missed nice-time by a mile

GOP Rep. Ralph Hall Has Fun Hanging Out With Gays Until He Realizes That He Is Hanging Out With Gays

The Capitol is a large complex consisting of several buildings and a series of underground tunnels connecting them, so it can be a confusing place to navigate. However, Rep. Ralph Hall, a conservative Texas Republican and supporter of traditional marriage, has been in Congress for more than 30 years so surely he knows his way around. Which makes this Houston Chronicle piece so awesome: Rep. Ralph Hall showed up at an LGBT event for the Victory Fund last week…the Rockwall Republican sipped his drink and made polite conversation. Hooray!  Happy nice time! When a 90-year-old dude with a Texas drawl who voted for DOMA shows up to support the LGBT community, it is truly a sign that the gays are taking over in a pagan onslaught of homosexual marriages! But alas, it was all too good to be true. It was more like that time when Homer Simpson wandered into the gay steel mill. Hot stuff comin’ through! Read more on GOP Rep. Ralph Hall Has Fun Hanging Out With Gays Until He Realizes That He Is Hanging Out With Gays…
  nice time!

Tuesday Nice Time: Barack Obama Totally Cool To Gay Dudes At Black College

With the disastrous tornado yesterday, and the yelling back and forth between the Editrix and various internet peoples, it’s high time we had some Nice Time! And who better to provide it than His Excellency, Guiding Sun Ray, and Dear Leader Barack H. Obama. At a graduation ceremony to all-male, historically black Morehouse College on Sunday, the Prez once again gave a shout-out to the GLBT community. Straying from his prepared remarks in a very subtle way, Obama said, “Be the best husband to your wife, or your boyfriend, or your partner.” SEE THAT! I hope you didn’t miss it – it was right there – he says to be the best husband to your partner, meaning gay marriage for everyone! Or at least teh gehys, cause no one wants to force gay marriage on anyone, unless we could find a way for Pat Robertson and Beelzebub to get gay married, because they are already BFF assholes who deserve nothing but contempt and the eternal damnation of listening to Nickelback on endless repeat for all time. But screw them — back to Nice Time! Read more on Tuesday Nice Time: Barack Obama Totally Cool To Gay Dudes At Black College…
  Someone Else

Hero Congressman Calls For Shoving Military Gays Back Into Closet

Have you heard of Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan (R-kindofsucks)? That’s ok, he is probably pretty useless most of the time, unless you live in his district, in which case he most likely ruins a lot of stuff for you. Anyway, he has had the bright idea of promising to reinstate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell if he is re-elected and his party retakes the House in November. But what about all our Heroes and Warriors that have already come out of the closet? Oh, we’ll just shove them back in, it will be fine, they probably liked it there anyway. Read more on Hero Congressman Calls For Shoving Military Gays Back Into Closet…
  ask tell

Wonkette Salutes Tammy S. Smith, US America’s First Openly Gay General

A round of applause, everyone! For the first time since the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the US Army has promoted an openly gay soldier to the rank of General. Tammy S. Smith was promoted from Colonel to Brigadier General last Friday in a ceremony in Washington D.C.; her wife, Tracey Hepner, affixed Smith’s General’s star to her uniform. Following Congress’s repeal of DADT in December 2010, Smith and Hepner married in March 2011, although the formal end of DADT by the Pentagon wasn’t implemented until September of that year. Despite predictions by the Christian right, the promotion failed to cause Planet Earth to spin out of orbit into the sun. Read more on Wonkette Salutes Tammy S. Smith, US America’s First Openly Gay General…
  where presidents are made

When Tim Pawlenty’s Elected President Next Tuesday, He’ll Reinstate DADT

We have no idea why Tim Pawlenty ever was considered a serious candidate for president; these things just happen, we guess. Has Pawlenty ever shouted “YOU LIE” at the current man in the office? No, and that fact should disqualify him. But yesterday, a veritable meeting of the minds occurred: Pawlenty went on insane AFA blogger Bryan Fishcer‘s radio show to promote his squirrely squirrel book. Pawlenty lets us know that he, not Jesus, is responsible for defining marriage. And at the very end of this clip, right before the scary music, he promises to pull a fast one on the gays by reinstating their ban from military service. Read more on When Tim Pawlenty’s Elected President Next Tuesday, He’ll Reinstate DADT…
  the bird agenda

Weirdo God Kills Birds To Show Disapproval of DADT Repeal

We haven’t spent a lot of time on this “birds dropping out of the sky” (landing?)/general death of animals thing; but it’s ok, because this televangelist woman has done the work for us, and has come up with the obvious reason for it: the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Why does God have to be so weird and obscure about how he sends messages? Even a Teabagger knows how to make a protest sign. Read more on Weirdo God Kills Birds To Show Disapproval of DADT Repeal…
  henghing through it

John McCain To Personally Implement DADT

The military must be pretty confused, as they probably thought they were the ones who were supposed to implement military policies, but nope! Wrong answer! It’s John McCain who will go door to door, barrack to barrack, making sure the troops know that they’re allowed to be gay now, so they don’t freak out or anything. “It is a law and I have to do whatever I can to help the men and women who are serving, particularly in combat, cope with this new situation. I will do everything I can to make it work,” he said. John McCain may not like it very much, but because his Senate colleagues say he has to personally help gay soldiers have sex with each other, he will put on a pair of rubber gloves and get to work. Read more on John McCain To Personally Implement DADT…
  video news alert

Military Makes Gay Recruitment Video, Birds Drop Dead From the Sky (VIDEO)

Everybody is talking about the exciting new military recruitment video from four years ago featuring Navy jerks insulting/being gays. Here is the CBS News report on this “don’t ask” tragedy: And here is a bonus news video of like a gazillion birds dying in Arkansas because the nation is poisonous: Read more on Military Makes Gay Recruitment Video, Birds Drop Dead From the Sky (VIDEO)…
  barry can you hear me?

Barack Obama Wishes You a Gay Military Industrial Christmas

Happy happy Christmas week, you elf-fellating scum! Yes, it’s time for the Season of Lying to Children about the existence of any one of a number of Magical Miracle Men. To truly get in the Christmas spirit, I suggest you cut down a Druid’s tree, set a sacred pagan grove on fire, and start an apocalyptic desert cult that grows into the world’s oldest and largest child-fuckery concern. Make it an LLC, or pretend it is “nonprofit,” whichever suits your tastes! And now, on to the worship of the One True God, Barack Hussein Obama. Read more on Barack Obama Wishes You a Gay Military Industrial Christmas…
  obeying the orders of the little man in the fedora

Joe Manchin Sorry He Disappears When a Politically Dangerous Vote Happens

Newly elected Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) apologized Tuesday for missing two key votes over the weekend while attending a Christmas party. […] Manchin missed votes on the repeal of the military’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and the DREAM Act, a controversial immigration bill. […] Read more on Joe Manchin Sorry He Disappears When a Politically Dangerous Vote Happens…
  the hengh files

As Obama Signs DADT Repeal, Let’s See 2005 John McCain Criticize Himself

Despite Republican attempts to stick in a last-minute defense appropriations amendment that would kill the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell repeal, President Obama finally signed it into law today, hooray. But while this simple measure to make this country more fair and equal was a no-brainer for most Americans, it was not for John McCain, who very nearly found a way to kill it. Coincidentally, your editor happens to be home for Christmas and found a copy of John McCain’s 2005 book Character Is Destiny, which a relative gave him on a previous holiday but he never read. And according to the John McCain in this book, John McCain has atrocious character for taking the position he has taken. Read more on As Obama Signs DADT Repeal, Let’s See 2005 John McCain Criticize Himself…
  should've used grindr

Brokenhearted Rep. Louie Gohmert Recalls Snubbing By Gay Soldier

A fantastic thing about any kind of gay-related legislation is it gives Republicans a chance to talk about the many homos they’ve known and loved throughout their lives. For example, a near-tearful Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Texas, obviously) just gave a very moving speech on the House floor about his carefree days as a soldier in the Army barracks. Seems there was an “overt homosexual” or two in the barracks, and then came the very sad moment when the most overtly gay soldier of all missed a signal, apparently, in the dark, and went to the wrong “straight” soldier’s bunk, for anal sex. Louie Gohmert still hasn’t forgotten the way it felt when that beautiful hunk of young man just strutted right past Louie Gohmert’s bunk, as he explains in this heartfelt “It Gets Better” video. Read more on Brokenhearted Rep. Louie Gohmert Recalls Snubbing By Gay Soldier…
  southern gentlemen

Loathsome Southern Dandy Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed?

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s favorite lifelong bachelor and former military prosecutor, is always reliably against homosexuals having any basic human rights in America because Lindsey’s a Republican, y’all. Anyway, famous outer-of-self-hating-queers Mike Rogers says he’s got pictures of one of Lindsey’s boy toys leaving Lindsey’s house. This would be SHOCKING because come on, everybody knows Republicans cannot be gay because Jesus did not make gays. Read more on Loathsome Southern Dandy Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed?…
  make-your-own federalism

Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT

Virginia, fresh off the thrilling conservative victory of getting a Republican judge to rule part of Obamacare unconstitutional, is now looking to ban gays from the National Guard in its state, because playing around with secessionary tactics is the second greatest passion in the South. (#1 passion: the South.) Republican state Del. Bob Marshall is leading the charge on this legislation and very coincidentally is said to be interested in a run for U.S. Senate. “This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,” he said, images of sweaty gay penises dancing in his head. Hope your muskets are cleaned and ready to go, straight Virginia, because the federal government’s camouflaged agents may try to take back that bit of its military you just tried to cut loose. Read more on Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT…
  the delicate touch

John McCain Pretty Much Just Criticizing Wounded Troops Now

Rapidly decomposing statesman John McCain is still super annoyed about the DADT repeal, so much so that he has had little fits all over the place for Dana Milbank to witness. “Today’s a very sad day. The commandant of the United States Marine Corps says when your life hangs on the line, you don’t want anything distracting,” McCain said, ramping up his best Miss Teen South Carolina impression. “I don’t want to permit that opportunity to happen and I’ll tell you why. You go up to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Marines are up there with no legs, none. You’ve got Marines at Walter Reed with no limbs.” So those torsos at Walter Reed got their limbs blown off because they were distracted, whereas troops who still have their appendages have kept a constant watch on military stuff? Interesting. Read more on John McCain Pretty Much Just Criticizing Wounded Troops Now…
  breaking the douche line

Senate Votes To Repeal DADT In John McCain’s Face

Hooray, John McCain’s insane Obama-spite mission to keep gay soldiers from admitting they’re gay soldiers is over, because the cloture vote has succeeded on the latest attempt at repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. It is absolutely ridiculous that it took this long for members of our armed forces to attain basic human rights, but you know, good for America, now? John McCain’s tortured arms immediately fell off as he emitted a vicious HENGH, and now he has bitterly departed the Senate with a whoosh of his cape. He’s off to Vietnam to go fight some Reds and get re-captured, because that’s the only kind of military service he knows and is comfortable with. But, of course, Republicans are angrily using this vote as a baseless excuse to block the DREAM Act, because we wouldn’t want to have too many civil rights in a free society such as ours. Read more on Senate Votes To Repeal DADT In John McCain’s Face…
  we got you this stuff

Wonkette’s Best Ever Cyber Friday 2010 War On Xmas Gift Guide

Did you think we’d forget? With just eight days of Xmas Shopping before the Big Day when you go in the bathroom and shoot yourself because you can’t afford presents, again, this Christmas Holiday Season is shaping up to be the best ever! And we’ve got a very special selection of gift ideas to prove you care enough to look at a political joke website instead of doing some “Cyber Friday” last-minute charging on the almost-revoked credit card! Please get a cup of hot chocolate anything alcoholic and enjoy these yuletide gems. Read more on Wonkette’s Best Ever Cyber Friday 2010 War On Xmas Gift Guide…