Former Nazi Youth and rancid pontiff Joseph Ratzinger has an important message for the agitated teabaggers of America: An even newer New World Order is on the way, and this one is going to be run by the Vatican — along with, we suspect, a 13-seat Council of Elders including Goldman Sachs, Barack Obama, Israel, Red China, NAFTA, Michele Bachmann (oh hell yeah she’s working for the NWO!), the IRS, let’s see and probably the Sierra Club, KFC-Taco Bell, NASA and the Carlyle Group. Hope you like FEMA camps! [New York Times]

Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, Little Saint Patrick escaped back to England, which was part of Rome at the time, and he remembered his Irish slavery so fondly that he vowed to return and destroy Paganism. It only took another 1,500 years for Ted Kennedy to drunkenly crash his car off a tiny bridge and drown his girlfriend. Learn more about St. Patrick’s Day, after the jump. MORE »