Ron Paul’s very special press conference has ended and, we regret to inform, it featured no “Tournament of Losers”-style death match among the various third-party candidates he invited. He totally copped out and endorsed three third-party candidates: Ralph Nader, Cynthia McKinney, and Chuck Baldwin. He was planning on endorsing Bob Barr, too, but selfish Barr didn’t want to share the blessing with his fellow losers and refused to show up. Ha ha, Bob Barr is in loser-denial. But Paul redeemed his hazy endorsement of these competing hippie agendas by revealing that Phil “Nation of Whiners” Gramm tried to force him into endorsing John McCain. And somehow Paul fended off his heroically persuasive powers! MORE »

Look, Ron Paul, YOU WIN, FINE, YOU AND YOUR SUPPORTERS ARE GREAT, now will you please go away for a long time and play with your gold bricks, alone? Of course he won’t, which is why he’s making yet another “special announcement” tomorrow about some useless new thing he’s cookin’ up. He’s almost as bad of an attention whore as Ralph Nader, who Paul has invited to tomorrow’s press conference. Cynthia McKinney too! Bob Barr too! Chuck Baldwin (the Constitutional Party candidate) too! What a depressing quintet of failure. MORE »

Beloved former congress-lady Cynthia McKinney is the Green Party’s presidential candidate! She’s in it to win! The Greens had a convention on Saturday, apparently, and McKinney was the big winner. Her running mate is “Rosa Clemente, a hip-hop artist and activist.” Well, all right. MORE »

The Green Party is alive and we… well, they’re alive anyway and they held their own candidate debate yesterday in San Francisco, moderated by the needs-to-permanently-disappear-from-public-life Cindy Sheehan and either Matt Gonzalez or Aimee Allison (reports on the matter conflict, probably because of the contact high the reporters had). MORE »

Cynthia McKinney, the former Congresswoman from Georgia defeated by her own inability to shut up about how “the Jews” wanted her to go down every single time time she loses a race, is running for the Green Party’s presidential nomination. Also, she now lives in California in an effort to escape all the Jews in Georgia. Since there aren’t any Jews in the Green Party, it’ll be interesting to see who she blames when she loses again. Probably the Jews. [CNN]

Has the whole gang of lousy presidential candidates bummed you out? Bored with Barry? Hate Hillary? Concerned about the nonstop forced sodomy that is sure to ensure should Rudy become president? Are Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich just too… mainstream for you? MORE »

Georgia is apparently embarrassed that a major Atlanta road is named after former Representative Cynthia McKinney, America’s Most Respected Congresswoman. Some state lawmaker is lobbying to change it, which we’d support only if they changed it to “Professor Griff Road” or “The Tupac Memorial Highway.” MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Linda Sánchez judged a “best package” contest at Cobalt last week… Sex-starved middle-aged Washington women swooned over Richard Gere at the Old Ebbitt Grill… HoH columnist Mary Ann Akers is moving to Washingtonpost.com. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Reliable Source readers vote Cynthia McKinney’s Cap Police beatdown the best Washington Gossip of ‘06. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Congressional offices all pretending they’re not betting like fiends on today’s Florida/OSU game, though Deborah Pryce and Adam Putnam have some sort of “betting for little kids” candy-vs.-pie thing going on… 300 old people protested AEI… Nancy Pelosi washes own hair at Salon! [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Former Post-ites turned Politico anchors John Harris and Jim VandHei smoke lots and lots of weed while discussing future of journalism… Arnold Schwarzenegger is eying Barbara Boxer’s seat, if you know what we mean. [USN&WR]

Outgoing crazy person and congresswoman Cynthia McKinney made a final “bold statement” in the House on Friday when she boldly introduced Articles of Impeachment against George W. Bush. MORE »

* Soon-to-be former congressman John “McSmacky” Sweeney proves he’s more of a vindictive, conspiratorial asshole then we gave him credit for. [TPM Muckraker]
* Plan to shame Americans into voting fails as people too lazy to vote are also too lazy to read. [Freakonomics]
* The SCOTUS murder plot: Ann Coulter’s fault, natch. [Above the Law]
* Karl Rove may leave the administration in “weeks, not months.” Tells Democrats, “You won’t have me to kick you around any more.” [Think Progress]
* Cynthia McKinney’s successor is a no punching, pacifist pussy. [Election Central]
* Swing by Constitution Ave. and pick up your $963. [Congress Blog]
* Ted Stevens afraid to buy green bananas, not scared of running for Senate again in 2008. [Wizbang Politics]
* Rick Santorum, however; won’t run in ‘08 - insuring world is safe for buttlove through at least 2012! [Political Wire]