Last night, when I was swatting at a mosquito, I thought to myself, “I should probably run to the hardware store to get a blowtorch, because that would be the best and most efficient way to kill this here mosquito, and also while I’m at it, I might be able to use it to fix […]

The House of Representatives gave a thundering seal of approval on Thursday to a delightful American version of a News of the World-style private information-stealing initiative except that because it is the American version, it must be bigger and more hairy and makes it particularly not illegal for armies of nosy trolls to collect and […]

Narcissistic bozo drag queen Rick Perry is officially running for President of Are You Fucking Serious? here in this great nation of ours that has been “out of ideas” about who to put in the White House since 1980, an exciting decision that gives the green light to media outlets everywhere to examine just how […]

America’s economy has expanded for the first time in four quarters, presumably by exchanging the four quarters in for a dollar. [AP] An online anthology of song lyrics that do not quite merit away message status—”Twitter”—is America’s only successful business. [Reuters] Here is a linguistic Venn Diagram about the differences, similarities, and overlapping too-small-to-write-in sliver […]