Tag Archives: cute

  Your Morning Maddow

Here’s A Thing That Happened: Rachel Maddow May Or May Not Wear Pants (Video)

Only the crew knows for sure
Our Maddow piece today is a short, nearly silent “And now, here’s a thing…” bit on the embarrassing discovery that Massachusetts Republican candidate for governor Charlie Baker — whose campaign ads have been all about jobs, jobs, jobs — was given an award in 2008 for “Outsourcing Excellence.” And the Martha Coakley campaign found a photo of him accepting the award … in a tuxedo. Oopsies. It’s gorgeous. Read more on Here’s A Thing That Happened: Rachel Maddow May Or May Not Wear Pants (Video)…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Bushel Basket Of Bumpkins, Boobs, and ‘Baggers

Welcome, wonkeesters, to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we hose down the news, filter out the stories that weren’t quite worth a whole post but too stoopid to ignore altogether, spray the whole mess with cheap booze, and bring you the runoff. Enjoy! Our first story violates the entire premise of Derp, in that it is actually a story of Pure American Ingenuity and Awesomeness. So sue us for false labeling. Outside Austin Monday, on Texas Highway 71, off-duty Houston Fire Department Captain Craig Moreau pulled over to help an 18-wheeler that had smoke pouring from its rear wheels. The brakes had locked and the tire was “flaming pretty good,” Moreau said, and the driver’s fire extinguisher was not up to the job. Moreau asked what the driver was hauling. “Beer! It’s all beer!” And then, he says, one of the burning tires exploded, and Moreau asked the driver to open up the truck and start passing him tallboys. “I shook them up, and popped a top one at a time until the fire was out and the brakes were cool,” Moreau wrote. “Thankfully they were tallboys. I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of it all, he was so shaken up that the humor escaped him.” Quite a few cans of Coors Banquet beer later, the fire was out. And Craig Moreau is a hero, both for saving the day and for discovering something that Coors is actually good for. Protip: Do not try this with Scotch. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Bushel Basket Of Bumpkins, Boobs, and ‘Baggers…
  the man we turn to for foreign policy expertise

Michael Steele Still Trying To Get Fired, Calls Afghanistan War ‘Cute’

RNC chairman Michael Steele is either dumb or really likes making his party angry and/or sigh, because yesterday he was caught on video in a circus tent saying that the Afghanistan war is bad and didn’t need to be fought. (And Obama is a bad president for inventing this war.) Steele forgot that Republicans love wars, such as the one in Afghanistan, which Republicans invented a decade ago to celebrate the first 9/11. He also forgot nobody cares what the Republican Party chairman says unless he says something crazy. Like he always does. Read more on Michael Steele Still Trying To Get Fired, Calls Afghanistan War ‘Cute’…
  pretty sure that's racist

Barack Obama Is … A Rhino?

Some silly scamps labor under the grave misconception that our president is a bird, or a giraffe, or a unicorn. But no, Obama is a wee baby rhinoceros, born in a Ugandan zoo to a Kenyan father and an American mother. This is why the Birthers have been unable to find any Kenyan documents about him! Because they’re all in Uganda, you see. [Telegraph] Read more on Barack Obama Is … A Rhino?…
  universal veterinary care

Rush Limbaugh’s Ladyfriend’s Adorable Puppy Obscures Important Healthcare Debate

Rush Limbaugh, grr! The other day he brought up on his radio show the oft-cited observation that your dog’s penicillin costs 25 cents while your own penicillin costs 25 dollars, which sucks for you, or something to that effect, and blah blah blah free markets and healthcare. WHATEVER. The point is his girlfriend has a very charming Old English Sheepdog that bears a startling resemblance to Bo Obama. However, this sheepdog will grow up to be a huge badass herding wookie, while Bo will just sort of look like a fucked-up Poodle, so Rush Limbaugh’s girlfriend clearly wins this round. (Also: Rush Limbaugh has a girlfriend?) [The Rush Limbaugh Show] Read more on Rush Limbaugh’s Ladyfriend’s Adorable Puppy Obscures Important Healthcare Debate…
  snaps

Obama Went To College And Here Are Some Pictures Of Him From College!

Oh look, it’s more pictures of Our Barry back at Occidental College, before he was “radicalized” and decided to forge his live birth certificate! (FACT: Did you know that Ann “Stanley” Dunham had sex with a space monster somewhere over the Atlantic and bore the spawn in Indonesia, which is illegal? Barack Obama has no “certificate of live birth” because he was hatched from an egg. This is also illegal.) Anyway, the point is: adorable. [Huffington Post] Read more on Obama Went To College And Here Are Some Pictures Of Him From College!…
 

Attention Whore Knut Turning Into Polar Bear Psychopath

Hey guess what, people? Hillary Clinton is still trying to “woo” superdelegates by sending threatening letters to Nancy Pelosi; Barack Obama continues to shake his head sadly, with dignity; and John McCain wants Democrats to vote for him. In other words, boring news rules the Internet today, which is why we bring you this important update on the increasingly fragile emotional state of the bear who drove the National Zoo’s Butterstick to experiment with hard drugs. Read more on Attention Whore Knut Turning Into Polar Bear Psychopath…