A feature in yesterday’s Washington Post Food section very liberally suggests, with a garish math graphic as its weapon, that Americans should use Thanksgiving as an opporunity to learn about eating “green” and reducing one’s carbon footprint. Behold, the language of the new Obama-style post-socialism: “A holiday all about seasonal food presents a real opportunity to eat sustainably. But making the right choices is more complicated than you think. Should you buy local or organic? Or is what you eat — and how much — more important?” This would be an insanely mockable newspaper item if not for the fact that it’s so boring to read. Just look at the graphic! It’s all, “blah blah blah 92% blah fowl e=C0_2 Al Gore blah fart.” Fortunately, the National Review read it and has published a lengthy response, about the War on Thanksgiving. MORE »

One of the personalities everyone in America mocks on a daily basis, Bill O’Reilly, went on Jon Stewart’s political comedy program The Daily Show last night to promote his insanely titled new book, A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity. O’Reilly tries to appear affable for the hippie crowd, but for O’Reilly that means bullying his host with the words, “Listen, Stewart,” and saying all liberals are fags with no “traditional values.” Stewart insults O’Reilly constantly, too! Culture Wars! Part 1 is above, Part 2 after the jump. MORE »

Last week we discovered the website “Boycott McDonald’s,” an American Family Association initiative that criticizes McDonald’s for one time giving some gay thing $20,000 to make an ad or whatever BACKING THE FULL GAY AGENDA. We showed a litany of samples from the site’s comment section, and it was very popular, so now we are going to post more funny comments from it. At least 8 of the top 10 funniest things on the Internet are comments from this website. MORE »

Here’s a new “biographical” ad from John McCain, where we learn — get this — that while a bunch of hippie anarcho-pinkist fags like 7-year-old Barack Obama spent five years mud-fucking on the AIDSy grounds of Woodstock in the 1960s, McCain was at a subprime torture hotel in Vietnam. The ad concludes with a number of inspirational messages that will surely drive voters to his corner, such as “John McCain doesn’t always tell us what we hope to hear” and “Don’t hope for a better life.” This rhetoric. We are overcome. [YouTube]

The town of Kanab, Utah — more or less where Mitt Romney was born — has apparently caught the “Obama bug” and will liberalize its municipal swimming pool regulations by allowing bikinis for the first time in centuries. And tha-at’s not ch-ange we-ee can be-ee-lieve in. MORE »

THURSDAY FUN LINK: This has very little to do with politics, except maybe some vague “Culture Wars” undercurrent, but a Florida substitute teacher has been fired for being a wizard. [Tampa Bay 10]

Though they backpedaled a bit on their website this morning, this stupid Weekly Standard cover is sitting on a shelf right now at a newsstand near you. It will be there for the rest of the week, in fact. This is exactly the kind of political astuteness that earned editor Bill Kristol a spot in the pages of the New York Times. We can’t read the story because it’s behind a subscriber wall, but we imagine it’s full of the same kind of masturbatory wishful thinking the headline suggests. If you do have access to this thing for whatever reason, please send it to us so that we might mock it further. [Weekly Standard]

The culture wars (War on Cultures?) took an aquatic turn today as a Christian marine biologist sued his former employer, who the biologist claims fired him for refusing to accept evolution. Nathaniel Abraham, like most good scientists, is a Creationist, and as Reuters tells us, “Creationists such as Abraham believe God made the world in six days, as the Bible’s Book of Genesis says.” MORE »

The December issue of The Atlantic hits newsstands across the galaxy November 20th, within which Andrew Sullivan has penned his pseudo-hyped first cover story for the magazine since leaving Time earlier this year. Congrats, Andy! And way to be modest and not horribly self-indulgent. For example, check out this nuanced approach to the upcoming election: “It is a war about war–and about culture and about religion and about race. And in that war, Obama–and Obama alone–offers the possibility of a truce.” Yikes! MORE »

Recent reports that the area real estate market is finally cooling probably have a lot of worried investors looking to God, but only Pastor Theresa Garrison of the Church of the Rapture got an early direct line: “Garrison always says that God channels his wishes through her, and when He said, ‘Sell,’ it was near the peak of a commercial real estate boom on 14th Street.” The Washington Post has been reporting on the gentrification of the corner of 14th and T, and the sale of the 30-year-old church was a watershed moment in letting loose the flood of urban settlers. At first — in a nod to the church’s legacy — the luxury apartments were to be called “Rapture Lofts.” Developers then thought about the target demo a little more closely. It will be called “T Street Flats.” Garrison is pleased with the name change: “See, I found out that the rent is gonna be so high that only the rich homosexuals and lesbians will be able to buy this condominium.” And bad news for bargain hunters: In case of rapture, these lofts will remain occupied. MORE »

Bill O’Reilly, faintly croaking on The Today Show: “To fight every single day of my life, which is literally what I do in this culture war, this intense battle, it just sucks the energy out of you. So, I’m like an athlete. My body’s going to break down sooner or later under the stress of this.” MORE »