Today, the New York Times investigates the Christian conservatives’ fifth column: Penguins. Turns out conservatives have become unlikely champions of the documentary “March of the Penguins,” saying, among other things, that the film promotes monogamy and family values. Clearly, no one has told them about the gay penguins (of course, they choose to be gay). Says one minister:

“Some of the circumstances they experienced seemed to parallel those of Christians,” he said of the penguins. “The penguin is falling behind, is like some Christians falling behind. The path changes every year, yet they find their way, is like the Holy Spirit.”

It seems like a stretch but, hey, it’s an improvement over talking vegetables. MORE »

Last week, four gay rights groups came out against John Roberts’ nomination to the Supreme Court. Our first thought: Aunt Toms. Our second thought? Hey, look, they have a point, and they’re not even being all gay about it. Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solmonese told the WP: “Judge Roberts has such a narrow view of what the courts can and should do, it’s a wonder he wants the job at all.” Snap! Such criticism is probably the most substantative reason a liberal group has given for opposing Roberts. Certainly it’s better than “He drives anti-abortion bombers to the clinics” or whatever it was that NARAL said. MORE »

How do you tell a Democrat from a Republican? It’s easy, says Tim Goeglin, deputy chief of staff to Karl Rove: Ask what they want their children to be when they grow up. Republicans, Goeglin told the WaPo, “think of medicine, we think of law, we think of business.” And Democrats? Goeglin mocks: “[G]ee, I hope my son grows up to be a great playwright or painter or poet.” Seeing as how he based this observation on the dinner party conversation of 12 people, Goeglin’s own background clearly isn’t scientific. And why is Goeglin strategizing at all? Rove gets his first born, anyway.

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• White House, worried about surprises, delays release of tens of thousands of documents related to Roberts. [WP]
• 9/11 commission members seek answers after revelation that some hijackers were under surveillance. Lehman: “I think this is a big deal. The issue is whether there was in fact surveillance before 9/11 of Atta and, if so, why weren’t we told about it? Who made the decision not to brief the commission’s staff or the commissioners?” [NYT]
• Bush uses dead of August to gain ground. Strategist: “They’ve really perfected the art of spending time in Crawford. They do a good job of driving the agenda every day they’re down there. They push the story and keep the people in the other party out of the news.” [WSJ]
• Recent speech by Roberts offers indication of his political orientation. [LAT]
• Roberts is quizzed by Wyden about end-of-life care. Wyden: “His answer was, ‘I am concerned with judicial independence. Congress can prescribe standards, but when Congress starts to act like a court and prescribe particular remedies in particular cases, Congress has overstepped its bounds.’” [NYT]

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Bush endorsed the teaching of “intelligent design” in schools yesterday, adding that “we shouldn’t leave interior decorating to the gays.” Kidding, mostly. “Intelligent design” actually refers to the argument that “life forms are so complex that their creation can’t be explained by Darwinian evolutionary theory alone, but rather points to intentional creation, presumably divine.” Teaching it as “alternative” to evolution is a little like teaching “magic” as an alternative to physics, which at least would at least explain the president’s belief in the missile defense program. MORE »

Coming up with your own opinions is hard. We’ve come up with some for you. MORE »

Sure, folks with Parkinsons might be cured someday, but the people happiest with Bill Frist’s reversal on stem cell research are those who are as of this morning no longer running against him in the Republican primary. We’re happy about it, too, even if it has us doubting his pedigree. Come on: Flip-flop? Pedantic assurance he knows better than us? Earnest moralizing? Shouldn’t he be a Democrat? MORE »

• “If the alternative to playing ‘Halo 2′ is reading ‘The Portrait of a Lady,’ then of course ‘The Portrait of a Lady is better for you.” We’re really more “Law and Order” vs. “CSI” types. [LAT] MORE »

It’s nice to know that, right out of the gate, the debate of the nomination of John Roberts to the Supreme Court is going to be deliberate and civilized:

Sure, it’ll please the liberal groups, but will he be able to keep his CBS job, and what will it do to his fabulous hair, that’s what we want to know. MORE »

Raw Story is reporting that the director of communications for vocal homophobe Senator Rick Santorum is a big gay. A big black gay. And sort of hot-looking! Again, we are confused by the strategy of outing gay Republicans. Given the Senator’s reputation as a priggish thug, this is the best thing to happen to him since his strong anti-bestiality stance got him the entire Pennsylvania goat vote. It’s not like hiring a homosexual makes Santorum a hypocrite, either. He’s never demanded they be banned from the workplace, he just thinks they’re going to hell. MORE »