Tag Archives: culture war

  Firing Blanks In The Culture War

America-Hating Libs Murder Veterans Day Because They Fear Guns. Or Not.

Why not just let the kids know what WW I was really about?
Thank heavens we’ve got a good Culture War overlay for your Veterans/Armistice/Remembrance Day, America. According to a number of rightwing websites, the gun-hating (and hence Freedom-hating) liberals in charge of the Eau Claire, Wisconsin, School District have completely cancelled Veterans Day programs, denying children of a chance to learn about what makes their country great. Read more on America-Hating Libs Murder Veterans Day Because They Fear Guns. Or Not….
  Another Beneficiary Of Wingnut Welfare

Allen West To Head Up ‘Think’ Tank. Stop Laughing, You Guys, It’s Not Funny.

Finally a place for his talents
Congratulations to disgraced torturer ex-Rep. Allen West on finding a jerb! (We were going to say “honest work,” but this is Allen West we’re talking about, after all.) According to a big ol’ press release, come Jan. 2, 2015, the former disgraced colonel and former one-term congressman will become CEO of the “National Center for Policy Analysis,” a Dallas-based think tank that shills for the oil and insurance industries and thinks that global warming is a big conspiracy. And yes, it probably gets money from Koch Industries, too. Read more on Allen West To Head Up ‘Think’ Tank. Stop Laughing, You Guys, It’s Not Funny….
  chile con pistola en mano

Chipotle Unfair To Gun-Humpers! Boycott Chipotle!

Oh, golly, folks, looks like another gun-grabbing freedom-hating libertysquisher corporation is trying to Take Away Our Right To Self Protection! After a group of those cheerful souls from Open Carry Tarrant County — the same charmers that scared the living bejesus out of some Jack In the Box workers a while back — made a big show of taking their semiautomatic rifles to lunch at a Dallas Chipotle on Saturday, the company issued a statement Monday asking customers to please leave their guns at home. Needless to say, #BoycottChipotle is now a thing. Read more on Chipotle Unfair To Gun-Humpers! Boycott Chipotle!…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Warns Of Lesbian Throuple Threat To Traditional Marriage (Video)

From Massachusetts, Stephen Colbert brings ominous news of the latest rather hot threat to the institution of marriage: three women who call themselves a “throuple” and have sparked another rightwing freakout about how legalizing same-sex marriage will ultimately kill traditional marriage dead. Or as Colbert notes, at the very least, it will ruin “traditional threesomes, which are a wedge that drives straight couples apart after what was supposed to be a fun birthday present inevitably leads to crying whenever someone hears the name Stacey.” Read more on Stephen Colbert Warns Of Lesbian Throuple Threat To Traditional Marriage (Video)…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Seems To Think The NRA Is Paranoid For Some Reason (video)

Tuesday’s Daily Show had some fun with last weekend’s NRA convention, leading off, as one must, with the WTF heard round the world, Sarah Palin’s weird joke about how waterboarding is how she’d baptize terrorists. And then he reminded us that this person was once the vice presidential candidate of one of America’s national political parties. (And don’t think we missed your borrowing of the Wonkette catchphrase “She seems nice,” Mister Jon Stewart. Fine. Now we’ll just have to put up with people saying we stole that…) Read more on Jon Stewart Seems To Think The NRA Is Paranoid For Some Reason (video)…
  'tough bananas!' is our new catchphrase

Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson: Did I Say Gay? I Meant Disney’s ‘Frozen’ Will Make Your Kid A Witch. A Gay Witch

So a couple weeks back we looked at how Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson had figured out that Disney’s Frozen is turning kids gay, because it just does, OK? Well, apparently Rev. Swanson simply can’t Let It Go, Let It Go, because now he’s identified another danger that Frozen and other movies pose to kids: these demonic kid flicks are leading children to practice witchcraft, which is a totally real thing, and are also part of Hollywood’s sinister agenda to turn children away from God, as opposed to simply making buttloads of money. Read more on Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson: Did I Say Gay? I Meant Disney’s ‘Frozen’ Will Make Your Kid A Witch. A Gay Witch…
  zuzu's petals--of subversion!

History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’

Before War On Christmas 2013 fades into memory, let’s take a look at how the FBI examined a Christmas Classic for evidence of communist propaganda. According to a nifty article in Aphelis, Frank Capra’s tale of the redemptive power of sentimental glurge was listed as potentially subversive, as part of a widespread investigation into alleged communist influence in Hollywood — as if anyone needed to investigate such an obvious fact, haw haw! Read more on History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’…
  bipartisan-curious

Rand Paul Wars On Christmas With Festivus Grievance Tweets

As if it weren’t bad enough that the right has turned “Merry Christmas” into a shibboleth, now they’re trying to co-opt Festivus.* Senator Rand Paul (R-Galt’s Gulch) announced yesterday that he would be tweeting his very own “airing of grievances” for fun and publicity, and so of course we are compelled to indulge him. Strangely, the nine fulltime employees of Twitchy found this something worth promoting, rather than part of the War On Christmas. There are rules on this, and if Rand Paul wants to have fun with a show about liberal New York Jews who mock the values of Real America, it’s funny, by god. Read more on Rand Paul Wars On Christmas With Festivus Grievance Tweets…
  sue the gay away

At Tea Party Unity Event, Anti-Gay Loons Dream Of Class Action Lawsuit Against Homosexuality

In the sort of thinking that seems perfectly rational in a world where we have declared war on “terror,” Tea Party Unity chairman Rick Scarborough and anti-gay obsessionist Peter LaBarbera shared their dreams of Suing the Gay Away yesterday. After all, back in the Clinton years, liberal attorneys general won a lawsuit against Big Tobacco, didn’t they? Read more on At Tea Party Unity Event, Anti-Gay Loons Dream Of Class Action Lawsuit Against Homosexuality…
  so long and thanks for all the nothing

Breaking! Exclusive! Must Credit Snipy! Shocking Story About Snipy’s Departure!

Well, this is awkward. I know the Glorious Editrix just announced a big Boston party for our new sideboob tracker blog and told you all I’d be the boss of it except that I will not be the boss of it because the Editrix is always the boss. Well, thrilled as I am for the opportunity to get paid to watch Miley Cyrus open the gaping maw of hell, I just can’t pass up the chance to go work for Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s new culture war juggernaut, BigDawg Music Mafia. I’ll be sad to leave Wonkette, of course, but who would blame me? Jumping ship to Breitbart-land offers me the chance to view literally everything in history as an affront to my cultural sensibilities. EVERYTHING! Read more on Breaking! Exclusive! Must Credit Snipy! Shocking Story About Snipy’s Departure!…
  no pot to piss in

D.C. Proposes Welfare Reefer For Poor Jazz Criminals

Yeah, this one’s not going to cause any rightwing freakouts: A proposal in the District of Columbia would require that marijuana dispensaries set aside 2% of profits to assist low-income people with medical marijuana purchases. Tell us about it, Washington Times: Under the regulatory proposal, dispensaries would give at least a 20 percent discount on marijuana to low-income people at or below 200 percent of the federal poverty level. Clinics often offer lower prices to poor patients, and states that allow medical marijuana often encourage discounts for low-income patients. But Allen St. Pierre, executive director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, said no state has inserted this type of provision into regulations. “This rule is totally unprecedented in the medical marijuana community,” he said. Can’t imagine that this is going to end up being one of those D.C. home-rule things that Congress feels obliged to step in and crush, no, not at all. Read more on D.C. Proposes Welfare Reefer For Poor Jazz Criminals…
  there's no gesture like an empty gesture

Hero Republican Legislator Will Protect Son From California’s Transgender Restroom Tyranny

California Assemblyman Tim Donnelly is taking a brave stand for cisgender heteronormativity (trigger warning!), and he doesn’t care who knows it. To protest the state’s new law that allows trans students to use the restroom or locker room that they choose, the Republican legislator will be pulling his 13-year-old son out of public school. And in a guest column for WND (where else?), Donnelly raises the specter of “Allowing teenage boys and girls in the same locker room, showering side by side,” apparently unaware that schools don’t allow time for kids to shower during P.E. anymore. Disaster averted! Read more on Hero Republican Legislator Will Protect Son From California’s Transgender Restroom Tyranny…
  The Purple Prose of Texas

Wingnuts Furious: Texas Kids Design Imaginary Flags For Nonexistent Pretend Socialist Nation

Pity the poor children of Texas. Not only do they have to live in a state full of Texans, but many of them are at high risk of growing up to be Texans, too. Oh, and on top of that, they are constantly being bombarded by communist propaganda in their Texan-run schools, because apparently only communists get Texas teaching credentials. Thankfully, Texas Patriots have access to the Interwebs, and so they can expose the government schools for what they are: indoctrination factories brainwashing innocent children with the UN’s communist, pro-Muslim Agenda 21, with its FEMA Camps and bicycle paths. The latest dispatch from the culture war is a doozy, because it involves 6th graders being ordered — at Barack Obama’s behest, of course — to “design flags for a new socialist nation.” Clearly, this exercise in which children must think of a flag other than Old Glory can only be sinister. After all, this is the very same online curriculum that was previously investigated for signs of Muslim Bias! (And, OK, was found to actually be biased toward Christianity.) Read more on Wingnuts Furious: Texas Kids Design Imaginary Flags For Nonexistent Pretend Socialist Nation…
  Q: Are We Not Men? A: We are DEVO

Equivalencies: NOLA School District Embraces Evolution; Tenn. Preacher Says It Caused School Shootings

In the one step forward, one step back department, we have the heartening news that the school board for Orleans Parish, Louisiana, has voted to explicitly bar schools from teaching creationism or adopting “revisionist” history standards. On the other hand, a Tennessee pastor told his church last Sunday that mass shootings are the inevitable result of “government schools” which are nothing more than “mind-control centers” teaching little more than “junk about evolution” and “how to be a homo.” Still, the pastor is not (yet) running a school district, so maybe America came out slightly ahead on this one. Read more on Equivalencies: NOLA School District Embraces Evolution; Tenn. Preacher Says It Caused School Shootings…
  Remember the Allah-Mo!

Investigation Looks for ‘Muslim Bias’ in Texas Schools, Finds Christian Bias Instead (So It’s Not Biased, Of Course)

Anyone who thinks that school districts aren’t responsive to community concerns should talk to district and school board members of the Irving, Texas, Independent School District. When they received a clearly insane chain email claiming that a curriculum used in the schools was “INDOCTRINATING ISLAM,” they didn’t just delete it and go back to looking at porn and forwarding jokes about Barack Obama, no siree — they promptly demanded an investigation to see if their textbooks really were packed full of Islamist propaganda. You will be relieved to know that a 72-page report by the organization that provides the curriculum to the schools found that, instead of Muslim bias, the curriculum is actually far more biased toward Christianity, just the way Jesus and Thomas Jefferson wanted it to be. Read more on Investigation Looks for ‘Muslim Bias’ in Texas Schools, Finds Christian Bias Instead (So It’s Not Biased, Of Course)…
  Part 13: A Perfectly Calm Discussion Of Why Liberals Are Pure Evil

Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook To Rescue Your Homeschooled Child From The Modern Age

Pop quiz, everyone! It’s a review question from Chapter 24 of our 10th-grade Christianist textbook, World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective: “What phenomenon at the beginning of the 20th century threatened to destroy the roots of Western civilization?” OK, pencils down! Anyone care to share your answer? No, it is not “buttsex,” and for that you can stay after class and muck out the Pony stalls. The correct answer, of course, is “Liberalism.” We will give partial credit for “Marxism,” because same difference. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook To Rescue Your Homeschooled Child From The Modern Age…
  Getting Medieval

Things You Didn’t Know You Needed To Worry About: Getting Raped By Demons

You may have been under the impression that when Christianists think about rape, they mostly think about how women are either asking for it by not screaming quite loudly enough or dressing like the sluts that everyone knows they are, or lying about it so they can murder a babby, or maybe using it as the first metaphor that comes to mind for everything that happens, ever. But you would be incorrect! It turns out that at least some members of the wingnut beliefosphere are actually concerned about real, genuine rapey-rape of the sort that happens when a demon from hell literally forces itself sexually upon a human being. This is a topic that Susan Brownmiller never addressed, which just goes to show how out of touch the radical feminists are. This rather breathless piece in “CharismaMagazine” warns, “As bizarre as it sounds, those who minister to people in occult bondage say it’s more common than you think.” So apparently the reason this demon-rape epidemic has gone underreported is that no one was asking the experts. Read more on Things You Didn’t Know You Needed To Worry About: Getting Raped By Demons…
  what could go wrong?

Sad Bachmannite Party Clown Bradlee Dean Invites Children To Commit Arson, For Freedom

Wonkette fan favorite Bradlee Dean is back at it with his tireless campaign to save the youths. Why do we need Michele Bachmann BFF Bradlee Dean more than ever? Because freedom needs brush fires, duh: Need for the Program: It is ever more urgent to use the internet to get our message out, since this is where people hang out, especially the young. Think of how many people we can reach! It does not take an overwhelming majority to reform society. It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere! Read more on Sad Bachmannite Party Clown Bradlee Dean Invites Children To Commit Arson, For Freedom…
  Mencken Was Right

Charlotte Allen’s Startling Insight: Lots Of Voters Are Idiots, So Sarah Palin 2016

Charlotte Allen, the Independent Women’s Forum writer who’s mostly known for a notorious 2008 column about how silly women just couldn’t help voting for Barry Obama because women are just such dumbbunnies, has “a suggestion for cutting short the GOP angst” in the wake of Obama’s reelection: The Republicans should just go ahead and give Sarah Palin the 2016 nomination right now. She’s so certain of the self-evident wisdom of this recommendation that she immediately follows it with “You think I’m joking? Think again.” OK! We find your ideas intriguing! Tell us more! Also, do you have a newsletter? Read more on Charlotte Allen’s Startling Insight: Lots Of Voters Are Idiots, So Sarah Palin 2016…
  Whine and Jesus Party

A Children’s Treasury of Random Wingnut Post-Election Butthurt (Part Douche)

As we have already pretty much established, America is Over Now, so all that’s left is just sitting around and waiting for the last few remaining embers of Freedom to burn out. If we’re really lucky, the Ancient Mayans or Space Jebus will just smash the Earth and be done with it. So let us see what further Elevated Whining there is to review. To start with, there’s Orson Scott Card, the Mormon propagandist / anti-ghey crusader / science fiction writer who wrote one pretty good novel (OK, and his early stories were often quite nice, too) but has of late declined into a sad, right-wing parody of himself. He has discovered the truly perfidious villains responsible for the reelection of Barack Hussein Obama. You will be astonished to know that it’s all the fault of the Liberal Media! Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Random Wingnut Post-Election Butthurt (Part Douche)…
  Game Over Man! GAME OVER!!

NRO Has Smart Plan To Save America: Raze The Universities & Re-Educate All People In Glasses

Some people simply do not handle losing very well. Unable to accept that the electoral system in their beloved Constitution could possibly allow those other people to win, they suggest that maybe we need a revolution, or that America died and God’s wrath is at hand, or that maybe rassenfracken pimps whores welfare brats makin’ us just dang ol’ soulless spiritual suicide, man, tellyawhut man, dang ol’ shiiiiiiit. (Also, thanks for the pageviews, Reddit!) The grownups in the spurned party, on the other hand, faced the day after the election by asking themselves the Hard Questions, like “what aspects of our agenda may have proven unpopular with the electorate?” or “how might we best adjust our message to meet a changing electoral landscape?” Or, if they’re the NRO’s David Gelertner, they might ask, “Where did all these degenerate communist morans come from? Must be the colleges! They’re full of radicals! Let’s root out the colleges!” Read more on NRO Has Smart Plan To Save America: Raze The Universities & Re-Educate All People In Glasses…
  Sheeple Awakened By Dog Whistles

Wingnuts Outraged: Infiltrators Keep Making GOP Look Super Racist For No Reason At All

As we all know, there are no racists in the Republican party, because Martin Luther King was a Republican and Robert Byrd was at one time in the Klan, and also nothing changed in either party after the passage of the Civil Right Act of 1964 and the Voting Right Acts of 1965. Nevertheless, there is still a perception out there that some Republicans are occasionally just a teensy bit racist for some reason. This is actually due entirely to hyper-sensitive PC Liberals having hissy fits over nothing, and is mostly the result of libruls infiltrating Republican events to display racist messages. Read more on Wingnuts Outraged: Infiltrators Keep Making GOP Look Super Racist For No Reason At All…