Tag: cspan

Paul Ryan SO MAD At Disrespectful Dems And Their Terrible Horrible Sit-In

Paul Ryan said he wouldn't dwell on the shocking lack of decorum in the House by Democrats who were staging a sit-in to call attention to gun violence. Then he very indecorously dismissed the action as a "publicity stunt" for the sole purpose of raising funds.

Ben Carson Big Fan Of Guy Who Did Constitution, Old Whatshisname

Brilliant neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson might not be "briefed fully" on how the rest of the world works, and his own advisers might be struggling making his brain smart on the "complex" foreign stuff, but when it comes to...

Why Republicans And CNBC Can F*ck Themselves Right In the Free Market

On Wednesday, Americans watched the third Republican presidential debate. Well, some Americans, anyway. The ones who could afford it. Because, in case you needed reminding, freedom isn't free. And neither was access to a debate among contenders to be the next leader of...

Benghazi Congressjerk Never Quitting, Will Investigate Hillary’s Yoga Emails Forever

Almost exciting news, everyone! For a whole half of a second, we were trying to scrape our shocked jaws off the floor after reading the BREAKING!!! news that Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-Benghazi), a tea party darling wingnut conspiracy theorist extraordinaire...

Florida Congresscritter Will Now Be Famous For Eating Ear Crud On C-Span

If, like Yr Wonkette, you aren't from Florida, chances are pretty good that the name and title "Congressman Joe Garcia (D-Florida)" do not instantly make anything spring to mind. We had to go to the Source of All Internet...

Are We There Yet? Ted Cruz FINALLY Shuts Up Whining About Obamacare

After sleeping and dreaming of Canadians stabbing our ears with nasal whining, we unfortunately woke up to Ted Cruz still rambling on the teevee, somewhat incoherently, about how Obamacare is the love child of a threesome between the Plague,...

Ohio Senate Candidate Josh Mandel Loves Women So Much, Has A Mom And Wife And Everything

Good times on the ol' SPAN last night, as Ohio state Treasurer/debate club fetus TOOK IT to Senator Sherrod Brown, and by "took it to" we mean yelled his talking points with awesome macho frowning and stuff. Did you...

Even Sociopathic Pat Buchanan Thinks Rick Santorum Is Nuts

Oh, look, jocular bigot Pat Buchanan is using the 16 hours a day he used to spend shouting about the white man's burden on MSNBC to call in to Washington Journal, a group therapy program televised by C-SPAN. Taking...

Bank of America Exec Whispers To Rick Perry: ‘We’ll Help You Out’ (VIDEO)

Criminal mortgage-fraud syndicate Bank of America announced today that it's laying off another 10,000 workers. Also, BofA has been caught employing a military contractor to conduct "cyber war" against business journalists reporting on Bank of America's constant crimes. What...

John McCain Nearly Bores David Patraeus To Death

Mummified windbag John McCain was jabbering his usual nonsense during a Senate Armed Services hearing today when star witness General David Petraeus just keeled over. Why does McCain hate the Troops? We can laugh, of course, because Petraeus returned...

Kevin Costner’s Magic Machine To Save Waterworld From Oil

We are sorry to bring up Waterworld, but it's the only thing that came to mind. Kevin Costner + Some sort of Trouble At Sea? Anyway, we just noticed the actor on the CSPAN, somberly barking at BP officials...

Hillary Clinton Is President of Outer Space

Did you hear old what's-his-name, "Current Bogeyman," just rappin' about Chomsky at the United Nations today? He must've run really fast from that Pathfinder he left in Times Square, AMIRITE?? Anyway, then Hillary took her Diplomatic Shuttle down from the...

Wingnut C-SPAN Caller Furious About All The Black Callers

This poor Real American simply does not care for all the coloreds who keep calling in to C-SPAN, demanding welfare. Will someone at "Black-SPAN" please fix this?

Senate Dems Still Defeating One Dumb Amendment After Another, Live on CSPAN

GAH, it's 12:37 a.m. and Harry Reid's up there saying, "You know, none of these amendments have been passed, I don't think any of them are going to be," etc., he is tired, but he runs marathons, so whatever....

Listen To Republican Creep/Rep. Devin Nunes Defend His Racist/Homophobic/Anti-Semitic Teabagger Protesters

This clown, Devin Nunes, has been on CSPAN for the last hundred hours basically doing this. It's funny until actual people call in, like this one Republican guy who admitted in a sort of embarrassed way how government health...

‘American Exceptionalism’ And ‘Miley Cyrus,’ Interconnected, Obviously

A 90 second video about the Democratic Congress and its illegal parliamentary trickeries. Another one of those romantic candlelit riverboat cruises with K-Lo and Michael Mukasey. Matt Yglesias is quite enraptured by the cryptic lyrics of Miley Cyrus' songwriter....