Jesus fuck is this even America anymore? First we elect a black president, and now the Twitter is shut off in the White House? And we don’t want to hear any of this “Security concerns” balderdash, because when we last had a real American president (that fat white sack of shit Dick Cheney), and he needed to get around the “law” or whatever, he just ran his own private email servers with Karl Rove from some Tennessee pedophile listserv. [The Hill]

Oh here’s John Hodgman, author of the weird and hilarious The Areas of My Expertise, who is apparently also a “minor television personality,” who knew?! And here is his very sly “roast” of the president, Barack Obama, at some event covered by C-SPAN. Worth watching just to see Obama cracking up over the hinjinx of the Birthers. Also, there are hobbit jokes. Basically, EVERY WONKETTE MEME OF 2008-2009 is in this John Hodgman routine. [C-SPAN/YouTube]

…But what if an adult wanted a Hello Kitty Credit Card? And say this adult ordered a Hello Kitty Credit Card, on the Internet, several weeks ago, right… did it just get lost in the mail or something? [Swampland]

It is nerd Christmas here at Wonkette, because the incomparable Brian Lamb has read a particularly tawdry headline from our humble site to the subject of that tawdry headline on his book show, “Q&A.” We refer, of course, to “Misogynist Neck-Beard Ross Douthat Shares His Sexy Stories.” MORE »

Here is that remarkable video from last night, just after the debate. The news channels quickly cut to their commentators and spin rooms and such, but the C-SPAN cameras stayed as long as there was a candidate in the room. Here’s what to watch for: MORE »

There is no way we are going to get to all the stuff we wanted to post before leaving for two terrifying weeks of convention madness, so here is a quick listcicle of some stuff we like that might be helpful to you and to us, the American Heroes. MORE »

Dennis Kucinich is about to start cold representin’ in the House of Representatives, in which he serves as a representative, in about a half hour, or maybe right now! Or maybe he already did this, earlier today. (We are in a Mexican restaurant having some margaritas and eggs right now, so we are out of C-SPAN range.) Anyway, Dennis is introducing a brand new Articles of Impeachment against George W. Bush, who is busily having a fistfight with the air in Japan right now. And then Dennis will have a press conference. Or he already did. Somebody please send us a SHORT YouTube clip, but only if Elizabeth is there, in a bikini. So hot out! [Dennis Kucinich]

Mitt Romney’s big “Faith in America” speech airs at 10:30, and there’s only one thing we’d like him to address (see headline). This guy has one last fucking chance for respectability, and that can only come through a thorough discussion of his underwear.

We’re curious as to how Romney’s dealing with the anxiety. After the jump, a video of Romney and sons’ Wedding Crashers-esque fun time before last week’s debate. (Hint: It makes you hate him more.) MORE »

New York Times Supreme Court reporter Linda Greenhouse throws a fit and refuses to allow C-Span to televise a panel discussion (just like Scalia), because she got in trouble last year for basically admitting she’s a dirty baby-killing liberal (just like Ginsburg). Now everyone knows she’s a liberal and a jerk (just like, uh… Stevens?) [CJR]

The new “POTUS ‘08″ channel on XM satellite radio will kill millions, National Highway Traffic Safety Administration officials announced today, as unsuspecting drivers come across the CSPAN-produced station and immediately fall asleep and crash into school buses filled with innocent American children. The super villains at XM and CSPAN have ensured there’s no way to avoid the deadly audio — even ending your subscription to the sinister service will do no good:

The channel will be “free to air” on XM, meaning that it will be broadcast free to all XM radio receivers. If a consumer has an XM radio but opts not to subscribe to XM, the consumer can still listen to the presidential election channel.

Shows will include “The full text of all the bills John McCain didn’t show up to vote for this year” and “Sam Brownback’s random name generator for 40 million aborted American fetuses, read in the Radiohead/Macintosh robot voice.” MORE »

This is freaking ridiculous: There are about a dozen video streams for this Dem candidate forum in Carson City, Nevada, that just started, but they’re all Windows Media Player or Real Thingy or Vista XP-Superb, and the only option for Mac users (all the Dem primary voters, basically) is to download Internet Explorer and Real Player and Windows Media Deal and other such stuff that will take three hours and break the computer. MORE »