Hmm, what is this mysterious image? Is it the famous Flesh Monster of Crystal City, lumbering toward an empty polling location? Nope it is just the wrist of friendly tipster “Ben H.,” who was assaulted by a giant mosquito on the way to the polls. “A huge DC swamp mosquito drank like 2 pints of my blood — maybe he wanted to vote too? — I tried to take his picture but as you can see from my bugless wrist there he flew away when I tried.” This is a metaphor, of course, for America. MORE »

If you just crawled out of a moldy blogger-stained basement like your intern, you will soon discover that there is a basketcrickery or bracketball or somesuch deathsport feud commencing today. No one is going to shut up about it for about a month, so you may as well give in and head to one of the following fine establishments to find out, at the very least, the sport in question. MORE »

• WALNUTS!, THE HEATHEN: A Wonkette campaign office operative sends us this startling bit of news: “A coworker of mine was just over at the McCain HQ in Crystal City. Apparently Walnuts is so superstitious he’s had the 13th floor office elevator plates replaced with ‘M’s.” Who knew WALNUTS! was such a pagan witch? We will still vote for him over Sexist Obama, however.

First it attacked John Edwards’ virtual computer-world campaign headquarters, and now the Feces-Spewing Obscenity has sickened 150 people at the Hyatt Regency Crystal City. According to the Centers for Disease Control, the official name for the monster is “Norovirus.” MORE »

* People. Please go vote in the second bracket for the DC Anthem. Otherwise, The Magnetic Fields’ “Washington, DC” will win. And that’s like the TERRORISTS winning. Because Stephin Merritt is the most ginormous asshole in indie rock history. You can prevent this atrocity. [DCist]
* Hooray. The Nationals get to keep their dull as dishwater name. Can I get a “Feh?” [Washington Examiner]
* Apparently, there’s a movement afoot from Crystal City property owners to