Courtesy of U.S News, this important John Boehner Tears Update: The Speaker of the House shed eyewater Tuesday at an event sponsored by Taco Bell, although it had nothing to do with their Fire Sauce’s capsaicin content. Turns out the Damp One made a brief cameo at a gathering sponsored by the Taco Bell Foundation […]

Well, he would know, amirite? Anyway, you are probably wondering what Ol’ Good Government Bama did THIS time — aside from just cold unapologetically insisting on being a registered Democrat — and it is this: that awful Vegas boondoggle by those GSA idiots (which everyone agrees was terrible and ridiculous), and the investment in Solyndra, […]

Renowned car thief and Chairman of the House Oversight Committee Darrell Issa thinks it is terribly unfair that your panties are in such a wad just because some bloated drug addict called a nice young co-ed a “slut,” when the real attacks are on Religious zzzzzzz.

Oversized fetus Rick Santorum is basically poverty-stricken right now (or maybe not, if he has a television) and is now grabbing microphones all over New Hampshire, begging for money. Practically no one is voting for him and he has less than a quarter of a million dollars, which is really quite sad, considering that amount […]

Keith Ellison captured everyone’s attention today by shedding tears when he told the story of a Muslim first-responder who died on 9/11. But don’t forget about John Boehner! He’s crying too! About, uh, Australia. Just scroll down this BBC article featuring happy photos of Barry Obama playing catch with the prime minister of Australia, then: […]

Why would Peter King let known Muslim Rep. Keith Ellison testify during his hearings about how all Muslims are terrorists? What a dumb move. All Ellison had to do was tell a simple truth about Muslim Americans, and the whole spectacle was ruined.

America’s single greatest achievement, John Boehner, was interviewed on last night’s 60 Minutes, and, thanks to his stage mom standing off camera, yelling at him to cry on cue, he didn’t disappoint. “I’ve never been in a tanning salon in my life, I’ve never used a tanning product in my life,” he said, his tears […]

Nancy Pelosi did an interview with Sunday’s The New York Times Magazine in which she let America know that she was not put on the cover of a different, money-hemorrhaging magazine (Time) when she became House speaker. But John Boehner was on the front of that magazine recently, promoting his new role as the star […]

The Post ran a profile piece about John Boehner today, because pretty soon he will be third in line to the presidency. That would be fine, but they totally wasted all their good boner puns before he even became Speaker. C’mon, Post! You don’t have to make the title a pun. “The rise, fall and […]

Former president of fast food Bill Clinton is counting his calories again, because daughter Chelsea gave him “strict orders” to drop 15 pounds of pudge if he wants to watch her marry that guy Marc Mexicansky or whatever next month. Chelsea’s a tough little cookie — she gets that from her mom. She also doesn’t […]

Here is John Boehner accepting a Henry Hyde Defender of Life Award the other day for having had the fewest number of abortions of any man in history. It hasn’t been easy for him, wanting to have so many abortions but always refusing, and this is why he’s crying. He cries constantly, pretty much whenever […]