Wonkette

Hey, the Governor of New York runs a prostitution ring of sex prostitutes! The New York Times says this is true! This is funny because Eliot Spitzer was supposedly Mr. “I will crack down on the prostitution rings,” but he apparently really meant “I will destroy the competition.” Speculate wildly as to what this is all about, if you like! [New York Times]

The divorce gossip is basically true! Halfway through a disastrous scandal-ridden first (possibly fictional) term as Nevada’s governor, rat-eyed corrupt paranoid-schizophrenic alcoholic cocktail-waitress-assaulting Jim Gibbons is having a “family meeting” this weekend to make a divorce deal with Dawn Gibbons, his long-suffering yet power-mad wife. This is according to the Reno Gazette Journal, quoting Gibbons’ own office. Congratulations, Dawn! Maybe your settlement will include that briefcase full of bribe money and poker chips the lobbyists brought you on the cruise ship!

Future of Gibbons marriage uncertain [RGJ]

This whole “presumptive nominee” thing must be serious, because the New York Times just dumped a million-word “investigative report” on how John McCain is the sleaziest sack of scum since, uh, all the other Republicans who already dropped out of the race. Also: Did he have a Dirty Sex Affair with some lobbyist broad who looks suspiciously like his current wife? Let’s find out! MORE »

HOUSE REPUBLICANS STOMP OUT OF CONGRESS, NOBODY CARES: Hey, a whole bunch of GOP representatives angrily walked out of the House this afternoon because they’re so angry about how Josh Bolten and Harriet Miers were finally held in contempt of Congress for all their many crimes against America, God and Nature. Happy angry Valentine’s Day, children! [CNN]

GOOD-BYE, CROOK! Dirty little Congressman John Doolittle is retiring from the House, GOP spies said today. But you can’t retire from being the target of a massive corruption investigation! [AP/Yahoo]

Who will fight for Fraud and Abuse? Who will stop the 100 Billion Immigrants from having “more rights than you”? Who basically put George Bush Junior in the White House (with a little help from the Supreme Court)? Ex-Congresswoman and Super Christian horse rider Katherine “Kitty” Harris, that’s who! And now the Draft Kitty movement has a website! This thing is serious, people. If she’s not indicted and put in prison like the rest of Abramoff/Wilkes crowd, January of 2009 could be the greatest month in Human History: the month Kitty Harris becomes our president.

Draft Katherine Harris

Subject: get over it
From: Leonard & Joan Nixon
To: tips@wonkette.com
Why don’t you morons get over Richard Nixon. He’s dead you know. Put some of your blame on good ole boy, Bubba Clinton.

Jim Black was the leader of the North Carolina house of representatives. Already convicted in federal court of various bribery giving/taking crimes, now he’s facing similar charges in the state courts. But unlike bigshot Washington bribe-takers like Duke Cunningham, folksy Jim Smith didn’t buy any fancy yachts with his dirty money. MORE »

Here is something we’ve figured out about Ron Paul: We don’t care about him one way or the other, he’s got a dumb & humorless campaign staff, and his supporters are a bunch of dingbats who project whatever oddball stuff they believe on the guy. But you know what? We still endorse Ron Paul for president, because the Bushes have tried and failed to stop him in the past. MORE »

Here it is, Scooter Libby’s receipt from the courthouse — evidence that his lawyers cut a quarter-million-dollar check (plus $400 for some fee) from his legal defense fund and had a courier drop it off. THE SYSTEM WORKS, PEOPLE. MORE »

Jim Gibbons has made it big: The Nevada governor got a whole news-feature about him in the New York Times! MORE »

AP-APNEWSALERT

WASHINGTON (AP) - Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald has rested his perjury and obstruction case against former vice presidential aide I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby.

And now it’s all over but the lyin’. MORE »

Wedding bells may soon be ringing — what are wedding bells, anyway? — for Chelsea Clinton, but there will be no creepy dance with her new father-in-law, because he’s locked up in prison. MORE »

With so many people leaving Washington this month, it’s hard to keep track of who got voted out of office or resigned due to various sex/bribe scandals or were murdered or were simply convicted of felonies and locked in prison forever. MORE »