Rod Blagojevich, the comically corrupt governor of Illinois, was arrested at his house this morning, by the Feds, for an absolutely insane amount of (alleged) crimes, including a brazen attempt to SELL Barack Obama’s old Senate seat to, literally, the highest bidder. Blagojevich also wanted the editorial board of the Chicago Tribune fired, in exchange for his approval of the Wrigley Field sale by Tribune Co., because the paper kept calling for his impeachment. Everybody knew Blagojevich was an insane crook, including Blagojevich himself, which is why yet another part of his crazy plot was to appoint himself senator, so he could … uh, get more money, to pay lawyers, when he got indicted. Also, a U.S. Senator can’t be impeached as governor of Illinois, right? MORE »

Well, it would be nice if these guys ever went to jail for anything, but it seems unlikely that they will go to jail for this. A grand jury in South Texas handed down indictments against various current and former public officials connected with wrongdoing in private prisons — including, most notably, Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales. The prison company, The GEO Group, was charged with three counts of murder and manslaughter. This is an ugly, complicated story, so let’s cut to the chase: how many South Texas prisoners has Dick Cheney had shipped up to his basement dungeon in the Naval Observatory for experiments? MORE »

GOOD-BYE, TED STEVENS! “It’s official, and it’s a national tragedy: Ted Stevens has lost his Senate seat to some Democrat, in Alaska. Today, on his 85th birthday, the convicted felon and old white Republican Ted Stevens has been voted out of the office — voted out of office by Alaskans.” [AOL Political Machine]

• STEVENS WILL PROBABLY LOSE: A modicum of “reality” has been restored to Alaska, as it now looks like convicted felon Ted Stevens will lose his Senate seat to Democrat Mark Begich, whose popularity stems from being the candidate in the race who isn’t a convicted felon. Stevens’ own pollster is calling Begich’s victory a sure thing, as most of the remaining absentee and early ballots waiting to be counted will favor Democrats. We, however, are hesitant to go all in based on the logic of Alaskan voters. [HuffPo]

Eliot Spitzer, the beloved Democratic ex-governor of New York and our nation’s personal Batman in the fight against prostitution, will not be charged for his innocent role in repeatedly hiring expensive prostitutes to have sex with him all over the Eastern Seaboard, because now Democrats run the entire world and ain’t nobody ever going to jail again for simple gettin’ busy, heh heh. MORE »

Alaskan Republicans are all so corrupt and stupid, when we saw the big “McCain Tells Alaskan To Fuck Off” headlines, for a fleeting happy moment we thought he fired Sarah Palin — even though, in our hearts, we knew it was about Palin’s creepy old boyfriend and convicted felon criminal, Ted Stevens, the other Republican from Alaska. So Palin won’t be thrown under the Straight Talk Express until after the election. Then she can get a show on the NASCAR channel where she just shoots out new brothers for Trig every five or six months, forever, demurely covered by a Confederate Flag. [Christian Science Monitor]

AMERICAN JUDICIAL SYSTEM IN THE TANK: Remember that sleazy Chicago guy, Tony Rezko, who sold Barack Obama a backyard for the Obama house so those cute little girls could play outside? Well, “U.S. District Judge Amy St. Eve indefinitely delayed Rezko’s Oct. 28 sentencing date and told the parties to meet again for a status in the case in December.” [Chicago Sun-Times]

Here’s something fun to look forward to, this Friday, other than the End of Capitalism and Electricity or whatever: There’s going to be a fun report on that legal investigation into Sarah Palin’s “abuse of power” in Alaska, when she fired all her sister’s rape victims or something. Troopergate! Nobody knows what it’s about, other than Governor Palin is some cheap crook who has many enemies — mostly the ex-husbands of her white-trash family members — and she destroys their lives by taking away their jobs. Way to fight for the little people, Maverickita! [Crooks & Liars]

We wondered when what’s his name, Obama, might mention how John McCain and his lobbyist boyfriends caused the previous collapse of America’s financial system — ha ha, not the Great Depression, but the Savings & Loan collapse. Full horrific video at noon tomorrow. Expect Sarah Palin to immediately show up somewhere and accuse Barack Obama of eating “soul food.” Oh and make sure to read a few of the insane comments on the Wall Street Journal story. [Keating Economics/Wall Street Journal]]

Sarah Palin has been governor for such a short time that she’s only got a few dozen scandals to her name, and the one America loves best is called “Troopergate,” because, hey, -gate! MORE »

McCAIN’S KLEPTOCRACY: Freddie Mac insiders tell invisible pretend newspaper that McCain campaign manager Rick Davis was actually taking $15,000 a month from the ruined mortgage giant until last month. [New York Times]