Tag: crooks

Newt’s GOP Pal Duke Cunningham Offers Support, From Federal Prison

Randy "Duke" Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then "Duke" became...

Everything About Rick Santorum Is Gross, Like His ‘Creamcup Trust’

Today's Santorum scandal du jour -- which means "a frothy mix, etc.," in Santorum's native language of Gay Obsessed -- involves the various mansions he purchases through shady mortgages, in Virginia. But really, did he need to name his...

Jerkoff To Retire From Congress

Indefensible lifelong asshole Jerry Lewis, Republican crook from California's "Inland Empire," will finally retire from the House because his district is no longer a geometric abomination carved out by his GOP cronies. Lewis, a hateful clown in a white...

Oil Industry Senators Decide They’ll Just Allow That Tar Sands Keystone Pipeline Anyway

The oil industry millionaires known as "Republicans in the Senate" have decided to fix that whole Obama/Keystone tar sands/global disaster/dirtiest possible fuel problem by making their own rules that will override the State Department, so that the oil industry...

Joe Lieberman Pretends To Care About Insider Trading In Congress

Old persons' program 60 Minutes is about the only thing on the teevee that occasionally does journalism. So when the nation’s half-dozing seniors saw this report air last Sunday about how the representatives in Washington have turned the Halls...

Congressional Support Grows For Bill To Shut Down Any Website

There's suddenly a whole lot of "bipartisan support" for a supposed anti-piracy law that will actually let the U.S. Government force American Internet providers to shut down all access to any website immediately. Why might that be a popular...

Corrupt Socialist Rick Perry Spent $294,000 In Taxpayer Money On ‘Family Vacations’

Rick Perry's wife loves nothing more than to get the hell away from Rick Perry and the whole foul state of Texas, which is why she is constantly jetting off to Amsterdam, Madrid and New York. And that costs...

Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding

We thought Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer Newt Gingrich had his half-million-dollar Tiffany's credit line just because he always needs new engagement rings when he divorces his old, cancer-ridden wives for new, younger ladies he's been schtupping for several years....

Sad Sarah Palin Begging Blogs To Cover Her Squirmish-y Speeches

Squirmish-y grifter Sarah Palin isn't getting noticed enough by the media she pretends to hate! This is why the multi-millionaire human fraud and political quitter is begging the Huffington Post to please, please, please keep her in the blog-news...

Hands Off Sarah Palin’s Soiled Panties

Here's how Lamestream Media magazine Vanity Fair describes the life of professional fraud and money-grubbing fame-beast Sarah Palin: "a sad and moldering strangeness lies beneath." Gross! Also gross is Palin's obsession with her "dirty undergarments," which she presumably sells...

TED STEVENS DEAD (Update: Or Not, Who Knows)

America's greatest senator has perished in the usual terrible way of politicians in planes over Alaska, according to the local teevee news in Anchorage. Sarah Palin has pledged to stop Muslims from building a mosque at the site of...

Michael Steele Bravely Fires Underlings Over Strippergate

RNC comedy chairman Michael Steele has finally stepped up and taken responsibility for the Republicans' insane bondage-lesbian-strip-club party spending, if by "stepped up" you mean "he fired the finance director and the deputy finance director." (He fired another minor...

EVERY DAY'S A GOING-AWAY PARTY! "The RNC's expenditures for 'office supplies' in the period through February topped $773,000, according to a Washington Post tally, including jelly beans for Steele's office and thousands of dollars' worth of liquor and wine....

Michael Steele’s New Fund-Raiser Person Also Fired & Fined For Night Club Partytimes

How "street" is RNC chairman Michael Steele, leader of America's Republican Party? His new fund-raising ace who got fired & fined for blowing through nearly $70,000 from DC's pro-baseball lobby also got busted for inappropriately dropping money at night...

Poor Sap Was Just Covering RNC’s Rejected Credit Card At Bondage Strip Club

Jeez, Michael Steele's Republican Party is just throwing its own loyalists under the bus for the hell of it. Turns out Orange County GOP donor Erik Brown covered the Republicans' party tab at lesbian-bondage disco-strip-bar Club Voyeur West because...

Newly Minted Ex-Congressman Is Crooked Car Inspection Racket Overlord

Hey, it worked for Eric Massa, why didn't it work for ex-Rep. Nathan Deal? We're talking about resigning quickly so that the Ethics people don't release hilarious findings about you! This is what has happened to Nathan "Ghetto Grandmothers"...