Tag Archives: crooks

  gop criminals of the past

Newt’s GOP Pal Duke Cunningham Offers Support, From Federal Prison

Randy “Duke” Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then “Duke” became a congressman from San Diego, until his inevitable conviction for fraud and bribery and douchery and Viagra sex crimes with hookers ended his time in the House of Representatives. Since then, he has toured various prisons and is now locked up in the federal penitentiary outside Tucson, where he offered Newt Gingrich a very special endorsement. Read more on Newt’s GOP Pal Duke Cunningham Offers Support, From Federal Prison…
  dirty real estate deals

Everything About Rick Santorum Is Gross, Like His ‘Creamcup Trust’

Today’s Santorum scandal du jour — which means “a frothy mix, etc.,” in Santorum’s native language of Gay Obsessed — involves the various mansions he purchases through shady mortgages, in Virginia. But really, did he need to name his sketchy tax dodge “The Creamcup Trust,” and did he have to involve somebody named “James Sack”? Read more on Everything About Rick Santorum Is Gross, Like His ‘Creamcup Trust’…
  dumb rightwing crooked assholes

Jerkoff To Retire From Congress

Indefensible lifelong asshole Jerry Lewis, Republican crook from California’s “Inland Empire,” will finally retire from the House because his district is no longer a geometric abomination carved out by his GOP cronies. Lewis, a hateful clown in a white fright wig, has spent his career being a complete asshole while lavishing pork projects on his district as long as they were named for “Representative Jerry Lewis.” Read more on Jerkoff To Retire From Congress…
  #occupy lugar's neck hole

Oil Industry Senators Decide They’ll Just Allow That Tar Sands Keystone Pipeline Anyway

The oil industry millionaires known as “Republicans in the Senate” have decided to fix that whole Obama/Keystone tar sands/global disaster/dirtiest possible fuel problem by making their own rules that will override the State Department, so that the oil industry can get hopping on this worst possible source of land-raping carbon-spewing fuel, which will enrich the oil industry millionaires who are sitting in the Senate chambers instead of being led to the guillotine platform. Read more on Oil Industry Senators Decide They’ll Just Allow That Tar Sands Keystone Pipeline Anyway…
  stockjobbers

Joe Lieberman Pretends To Care About Insider Trading In Congress

Old persons’ program 60 Minutes is about the only thing on the teevee that occasionally does journalism. So when the nation’s half-dozing seniors saw this report air last Sunday about how the representatives in Washington have turned the Halls of Congress into a Temple of Insider-Trading Whoredom, you knew there would be some serious upheaval, right? Ha ha, just kidding! All that’s happening is Joe Lieberman, winner of the Most Hated Man in Washington Award for 10 years running, is joining forces with unwanted teabagger Scott Brown, along with various other grandstanders who will have Bipartisan meetings to “probe” the situation they all know about and profit from. Read more on Joe Lieberman Pretends To Care About Insider Trading In Congress…
  time to kill the internet

Congressional Support Grows For Bill To Shut Down Any Website

There’s suddenly a whole lot of “bipartisan support” for a supposed anti-piracy law that will actually let the U.S. Government force American Internet providers to shut down all access to any website immediately. Why might that be a popular idea, in Congress, right about now? And why are these anti-government Republicans like Congressman Lamar Smith of Texas behind such a heavy handed Big Brother off-switch on the entire Internet? And why is Joe Biden apparently strongly against such legislation, even though the Obama Administration supports it fully? Oh, right, because Biden is talking about how other countries shouldn’t do what the United States is about to do. Read more on Congressional Support Grows For Bill To Shut Down Any Website…
  were there strippers?

Corrupt Socialist Rick Perry Spent $294,000 In Taxpayer Money On ‘Family Vacations’

Rick Perry’s wife loves nothing more than to get the hell away from Rick Perry and the whole foul state of Texas, which is why she is constantly jetting off to Amsterdam, Madrid and New York. And that costs Texans money, as their state burns and everyone is unemployed and the governor will do nothing but make his corporate rape doctors give cancer sex to teen-aged girls from church. Along with a “family vacation” to the Bahamas apparently taken with Rick (to go to strip clubs), Anita has burned through $294,000 in “security” travel costs paid for with the remaining nickels in the Texas general fund. Read more on Corrupt Socialist Rick Perry Spent $294,000 In Taxpayer Money On ‘Family Vacations’…
  this explains the $500K 0% credit line

Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding

We thought Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer Newt Gingrich had his half-million-dollar Tiffany’s credit line just because he always needs new engagement rings when he divorces his old, cancer-ridden wives for new, younger ladies he’s been schtupping for several years. But no, it’s actually sleazier than all that, because this is Newt Gingrich we’re talking about. Why did he get a very special $500,000 charge account from the jeweler with a truly spectacular 0% interest rate? Financial journalists are on the case, and they found out Newt’s current wife Callista used to be a “a high level staffer for the House Agriculture Committee, which oversees mining policy,” while a former Newt top staffer is now a top lobbyist for Tiffany’s. Because Tiffany’s mines silver on U.S. public lands, and Newt got Tiffany’s a very sweet deal to exploit America’s natural resources from America’s public lands, so that Tiffany executives and stockholders can make tens of millions of dollars every quarter by selling silver from public lands to rich douchesacks and ladder-climbing sociopaths. Read more on Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding…
  needy has-beens

Sad Sarah Palin Begging Blogs To Cover Her Squirmish-y Speeches

Squirmish-y grifter Sarah Palin isn’t getting noticed enough by the media she pretends to hate! This is why the multi-millionaire human fraud and political quitter is begging the Huffington Post to please, please, please keep her in the blog-news cycle. It’s one thing to be a gleefully ignorant demagogue to a bunch of unemployed housebound white people on Twitter clicking the ‘puter until their electricity is shut off again, but how does Sarah get money from that? She needs those $100,000 checks for squeaking out some half-baked bigotry, and in order to be “worth the money” (to billionaires), she’s got her press aide sending these desperate tweets begging the blogs and television networks to cover Sarah’s latest spill of word salad. Because when the media coverage of vapid human oddity Sarah Palin stops, the $100,000 appearances stop. There’s just one problem: Even the media is tired of Sarah Palin, the most reliable clown of the past three years. What’s Grandma Palin gonna do now? Read more on Sad Sarah Palin Begging Blogs To Cover Her Squirmish-y Speeches…
  queen of the mall

Hands Off Sarah Palin’s Soiled Panties

Here’s how Lamestream Media magazine Vanity Fair describes the life of professional fraud and money-grubbing fame-beast Sarah Palin: “a sad and moldering strangeness lies beneath.” Gross! Also gross is Palin’s obsession with her “dirty undergarments,” which she presumably sells on Team SarahPAC to keep those checks from creepy old wingnut millionaires arriving in Wasilla. Let’s skip all the psychoanalysis — we sort of already knew she was a congenitally dishonest & delusional narcissistic paranoid creep — and get right to the part about her fouled underwear. Read more on Hands Off Sarah Palin’s Soiled Panties…
  rip alaska's robert byrd

TED STEVENS DEAD (Update: Or Not, Who Knows)

America’s greatest senator has perished in the usual terrible way of politicians in planes over Alaska, according to the local teevee news in Anchorage. Sarah Palin has pledged to stop Muslims from building a mosque at the site of the tragic crash. Read more on TED STEVENS DEAD (Update: Or Not, Who Knows)…
  what up

Michael Steele Bravely Fires Underlings Over Strippergate

RNC comedy chairman Michael Steele has finally stepped up and taken responsibility for the Republicans’ insane bondage-lesbian-strip-club party spending, if by “stepped up” you mean “he fired the finance director and the deputy finance director.” (He fired another minor character in this sexytime melodrama back in March.) Steele, America’s Number One hilarious person, told RNC moneyman Rob Bickhart and his assistant moneylady, Debbie LeHardy, that they would have to resign so that Michael Steele could keep his absurdly cushy job and royal office all so he can help the Republicans continue to provide jokes for comedians. [AP/TPM] Read more on Michael Steele Bravely Fires Underlings Over Strippergate…
  republicans in the news

EVERY DAY’S A GOING-AWAY PARTY! “The RNC’s expenditures for ‘office supplies’ in the period through February topped $773,000, according to a Washington Post tally, including jelly beans for Steele’s office and thousands of dollars’ worth of liquor and wine. Although not asked to review specific party expenditures, Mindy Kramer, an Office Depot spokeswoman, said that in general, firms with 100 office workers — about the size of the RNC headquarters staff — spend $30,000 to $50,000 a year on supplies.” [Washington Post] Read more on …
  america's elitist nightclubbin' republicans

Michael Steele’s New Fund-Raiser Person Also Fired & Fined For Night Club Partytimes

How “street” is RNC chairman Michael Steele, leader of America’s Republican Party? His new fund-raising ace who got fired & fined for blowing through nearly $70,000 from DC’s pro-baseball lobby also got busted for inappropriately dropping money at night clubs. These Republicans are regular Lindsey Lohans! Read more on Michael Steele’s New Fund-Raiser Person Also Fired & Fined For Night Club Partytimes…
  republicans in the news

Poor Sap Was Just Covering RNC’s Rejected Credit Card At Bondage Strip Club

Jeez, Michael Steele’s Republican Party is just throwing its own loyalists under the bus for the hell of it. Turns out Orange County GOP donor Erik Brown covered the Republicans’ party tab at lesbian-bondage disco-strip-bar Club Voyeur West because the RNC’s credit card was rejected. The RNC staffer reportedly said to Brown, who was sitting at the table, “Please help me out and I’ll be sure you are reimbursed right away by the RNC.” Yeah uh and we’ll make sure to ruin your life, too. Read more on Poor Sap Was Just Covering RNC’s Rejected Credit Card At Bondage Strip Club…
  today in ethics

Newly Minted Ex-Congressman Is Crooked Car Inspection Racket Overlord

Hey, it worked for Eric Massa, why didn’t it work for ex-Rep. Nathan Deal? We’re talking about resigning quickly so that the Ethics people don’t release hilarious findings about you! This is what has happened to Nathan “Ghetto Grandmothers” Deal, now. He resigned immediately after last week’s health care vote, a resignation he had already delayed in his heroic, selfless attempt to kill ObamaCare and socialism. He is running for Georgia governor and needed to scoot out of the ol’ House before the Ethics Nannies shat all over him, which they did anyway. Read more on Newly Minted Ex-Congressman Is Crooked Car Inspection Racket Overlord…
  they get free bagels too

SCANDAL: TeeVee Cable News ‘Guests’ Actually Evil Shills From Various War/Death Corporations!

Did you know that the various “experts” and “guests” and “pundits” on the cable-news shows are almost all corporate shills and lobbyists for various death conglomerates? This is true, and actually kind of obvious to many skilled media observers — just these two guys, really — but The Nation would still like you to know the excruciating details. So how about, say, 45,000 words on the subject? YES WE CAN. Read more on SCANDAL: TeeVee Cable News ‘Guests’ Actually Evil Shills From Various War/Death Corporations!…
  joseph cao is rolling in his grave

Famous Ex-Congressman William Jefferson Convicted, Will Serve 10 Million Years In North Korean Labor Camps

Poor Ex-Congressman William “Dollar Bill” Jefferson of Louisiana! All the man did was use his seat on the Ways and Means Committee to secretly broker a deal between a Virginia telecom company and the Nigerian vice president, the $90,000 bribe for which he laundered in emptied food wrappers in his home freezer, and now some do-gooder activist Alexandria jury has found him guilty on 11 of 16 corruption counts for a possible sentencing of 115 years in jail. What’s the point of being a congressman, then? [Times-Picayune] Read more on Famous Ex-Congressman William Jefferson Convicted, Will Serve 10 Million Years In North Korean Labor Camps…
  feces everywhere

Biden’s Hometown Is Living Hell For Exchange Students

Good Lord. When Joe Biden talks about growing up in Scranton with all its hardscrabble charms, is he referring to its feces-scented apartments full of food-hoarding ex-cons or its large population of grifters who parasitize the child welfare system? Read more on Biden’s Hometown Is Living Hell For Exchange Students…
  sarah palin excuse generator

So Why Did This Crazy Palin Lady Quit the Alaska Governor Job She Just Started Two Years Ago?

First of all, Sarah Palin, go to HELL for ruining your editor’s day of patriotic rest and BBQ. Second, why did you really quit, crazy lady? We admit to “jumping to conclusions” (trying to hurry up and get back outside to our cocktails and friends), but the story may be more complicated than “Sarah Palin is a sociopath who will just quit being governor of Alaska THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS before the next presidential election, just to show her, uhm, Leadership Credentials, which means constantly yelling at David Letterman about a joke she couldn’t comprehend.” But there are so many more crazy theories about America’s craziest Alaskan Anger Bear, the snowbilly grifter and strip-mall Ice Queen of Wasilla. Let’s examine them, together! Read more on So Why Did This Crazy Palin Lady Quit the Alaska Governor Job She Just Started Two Years Ago?…
  journamalism

Important Chicago Newspaper Offers Pinocchio Paper Doll of Roland Burris

Who says nobody needs yesterday’s news and a bunch of old wire stories and couch ads thrown in your neighbor’s bird bath at 4:15 a.m. every day? The Chicago Tribune, one of our nation’s leading bankrupt newspapers, today offers this Roland “Pinocchio” Burris paper doll, so your poor kids can have something to play with — it’s kind of like a Star Wars action figure, but it’s free! And it teaches kids an important lesson about black senators from Illinois. [Chicago Tribune PDF] Read more on Important Chicago Newspaper Offers Pinocchio Paper Doll of Roland Burris…
  groundhog day

Bernie Kerik Indicted … Again

As periodic as the Indian monsoons are the indictments of Rudy Giuliani’s best friend, Bernie Kerik. He was nearly made the Secretary of Homeland Security in 2004, but then he had to withdraw his nomination on account of “nanny problems,” which is DC slang for “a closet so full of skeletons and crookery that he should rent out a storage unit, paid for by unsavory corporate interests.” Read more on Bernie Kerik Indicted … Again…