It takes a big woman to admit both her poor electoral chances and the investigation into all her crimes, in the first minute and a half of her speech announcing her upcoming retirement, or else it takes an amateurish speechwriter who isn’t really aware of stuff like “not bringing up poor electoral chances and the […]

America let George W. Bush return to his quiet, private life so his undocumented workers he could clean up dust bunnies in his suburban McMansion even though he tortured us all (some of us, literally) for eight years playing neo-con puppet to Dick Cheney’s and John Bolton’s war administration. This says a lot about America […]

Oh, whoops, did Your Wonkette just get itself “targeted” by DHS? Well, IT IS WORTH IT, to bring you these important stories from the nation’s cheese factory, the late great state of Wisconsin. First up! Chuck Norris sees your Bill Clinton, raises you a Chuck Norris! Wisconsin Democrats, Washington elite and insiders, and liberal special […]

For the past four years, a bunch of employees at the famous Burr Oak Cemetery in Chicago have been digging up bodies, throwing them in the trash — not even recycling! — and reselling the plots for exorbitant sums totaling $300,000. The cemetery is now a crime scene, because apparently Capitalism is illegal now? In […]

STORY OF THE YEAR  3:20 pm June 1, 2009

by Jim Newell

TANCREDO RACIST DUDE IS LIKE FOUR: Marcus Epstein, the executive director of Tom Tom Tancredo and Bay Buchanan’s PAC, Team America — *ahem* HAHAHAHA like the movie — and also the executive director of Pat Buchanan and Bay Buchanan’s (other) PAC, The American Cause, is going to law school this fall, to karate chop and […]

Once upon a time there was a city called “Jersey City,” and people moved there to live when Manhattan got too expensive. A gentleman politician from this fine city made headlines this weekend when he urinated in a grand and public fashion on a crowd of people in Washington D.C.

“JEFFERSON CITY — Missouri state Rep. Scott Muschany, R-Frontenac, was indicted today in connection with a reported sexual assault of a 14-year-old girl on May 17, the day after this year’s Legislative session ended.” What, were all the 14-year-old boys already taken by the other celebrating Republican legislators?

RETARDGATE  5:07 pm July 23, 2008

by Jim Newell

LOOK, HE’S STILL ALIVE OK?: From the intrepid local news team at ABC 7 News: “The pedestrian who was struck by prominent Washington columnist and commentator Robert Novak is in worse shape than first thought, a hospital source tells ABC 7 News. The victim, a 66-year-old man, appeared somewhat incoherent, said the source who had […]

The jury reached a verdict in the corruption trial of Chicago “slum landlord” Tony Rezko, the sleazy best friend of Barack Obama. Rezko was a prominent fundraiser for Obama back in the day, and even helped him buy his Hope Mansion in Chicago, and then they started dating, but Obama was too careerist commit to […]