Tag: crime

True fact: Personal grooming regimen strictly dictated by Andrew Breitbart himself

Surprise! Trump’s New Campaign Chief Had A Little Woman-Beating Problem, Allegedly

Steve Bannon, the guy in charge of a campaign that hates women, has a history of allegedly abusing them!

Nice Orlando Hospitals Won’t Charge Pulse Victims Any Money For Getting Shot

Because HI, we live in a system in which people have to pay money when they get shot!

Trump Can’t Talk To The Blacks Because Blacktown Way Too Dangerous To Visit

Corey Lewandowski explained why Donald Trump's appeals to African-Americans always happen in front of white audiences: Black areas are too dangerous.
I know what you're thinking. Did he win six electoral votes or only five?

Donald Trump’s Plan To End Crime: Unleash Dirty Harry, McBain, More-Racist Mel Gibson

Donald Trump has a plan to stop crime, and it all depends on One Tough Cop. Wish Trump had gotten his name.
Whaddayamean, an F?

Yeehaw! Texas Colleges Open To Pistol Packin’, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Thank heavens, the Texas Lege has finally done something about the defenseless students on Texas college campuses! A law allowing concealed handgun carry on campuses went into effect today to allow students and faculty to defend themselves from Comanchero...

Fox Doc Keith Ablow Being A Jerk To All The Lazy, Potted-Up Millennials. That Is Wonkette’s Job!

Snotnosed Millennial brat thinks "Dr." Keith Ablow is not even the boss of him, whatever.
The smartest man in the room

Sen. Tom Cotton Dreams Of An America With Even More People In Prison

Sen. Tom Cotton offered a contrarian take on prison reform: we need to put a whole lot more people behind bars, ideally forever.

Walmart Discovers Exciting New Way To Suck Off Your Tax Dollars!

Walmart knows how to bring down costs to enhance profits. Like depending on law enforcement to provide security instead of hiring some security guards.

Oklahoma Court Just Fine With Oral Rape, As Long As Victim’s Really, Really Drunk

In a novel bit of legal reasoning, an Oklahoma state appeals court has decided that under Oklahoma law, oral sex with a person who's completely unconscious isn't actually a crime. They're not unsympathetic to victims, no, not at...
Everybody must get stoned

Sexxxy Richard Branson Says UN Should Drop Drug Policy Of ‘Keep Hitting Yourself’

Richard Branson, famous rich person and repository of some of the world's remaining sexxxiness reserves since the passing of Prince (PBUH), is so MAD, you guys, about the latest United Nations Drug Policy Agreement that just came out. Branson, the billionaire...
'Imagine the excitement of this demon as he destroyed the property of Christ!'

You Will Fall Madly In Love With This Half-Nutso Louisiana Cop

//     Yr Wonkette has a new boyfriend in law enforcement, and he is Captain Clay Higgins of the St. Landry Parish Sheriff’s Office in Opelousas, Louisiana. You see, he makes these bizarrely earnest Crimestoppers videos that are half sermon, half...
Most accurate Trump image yet

Donald Trump Dimly Aware That Messicans Don’t Like Being Called Rapists And Murderers

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Donald Trump Isn't backing off from his insistence that the borders are completely open and that most of those crossing are criminals, thugs, and thuggish criminals, but he is at least becoming vaguely aware...
Just a racist, his gun, his flag, and his spring planting project

Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops

By now you've probably read about what's believed to be Dylann Roof's idiot manifesto, detailing all his insights into The Blacks and The Jews. It's the usual loathsome pile of racist crap, but he does at least let us know...
More guns just means more freedom

Texas Gun Fanatics Only Did A Few Crimes, What’s The Big Deal?

We are simple, trusting folk, so when people tell us they want to liberalize gun laws out of fealty to the Constitution and a love of personal freedom, we totally buy it. So thoroughly guileless are we that we...

Million-Year-Old ‘Rocker’ Pat Boone Thinks Obama Will Set All The Murderers Free

Pat Boone -- once a popular entertainer who appropriated black music and sanitized it for white consumption, now a WorldNetDaily columnist, and there’s a career arc -- posted some thoughts over at Joseph Farah’s Internet Home for Mustachioed Paranoids...
Free kitten with every five mass shootings

VA Legislators Call Backsies, Black Magic, 123 No Takebacks On Gun Bill

Should stalkers, domestic abusers, and sexual batterers be allowed to buy and own guns? For several Republicans on the Virginia Senate Courts of Justice Committee, the answer is a resounding NO, followed by a YES, then a WHOOPS, then...