crime

Some old people in the Chicago suburb of Wilmette went bonkers on each other because of political candidate signs on somebody’s lawn. While the brutal old-on-old violence occurred back on October 4, it is just now reaching the news media because, honestly, elderly people seem to always be going on about something and who has […]

Jesus, why does Ben Quayle have to be so creepy in every ad he makes? What is even going on here? Oh, we see, he’s stuck a gun into this woman’s back and told her to read the cue card. That’s why her face organs are projecting pure, doe-eyed fear at the voters of Arizona. […]

What do you do when a young black man you don’t even know dies in a hail of gang-related gunfire? To be honest, I don’t do much but briefly consider the crushing absurdity of violence before getting on with my day. I’m not a particularly religious man, but you might say a little prayer for […]

For the third straight year, even as the Great Recession pummels ever more people into poverty, the national crime rate has dropped. Murder, rape, burglary — almost every kind of criminality has fallen, with the rate of violent crime and property crime dropping by another 5% in 2009. Since 1991, the United States has seen […]

Well, what is this all about? So many tips! We will just post them. Be careful, people who work around the Discovery TeeVee Channel Building in Silver Spring. Remember when Newt Gingrich said we don’t need PBS anymore because now we have Discovery Channel shows about Sarah Palin and UFOs and “Ultimate Cheeseburgers” and all […]

America’s Governor, Rod Blagojevich, cannot be convicted of anything because he’s too sexy. This is why the jury just told the judge, “Uhhh,” as they can’t decide on ANYTHING, and are permanently, hopelessly deadlocked on 22 of the 24 counts. (And those other two, wire-fraud/telephone charges, haven’t even been decided.) FREE BLAGO HE IS PURE […]

How many American workers are really unemployed in this third year of our Great Recession? About 26 million people. That includes those still looking for jobs, people forced into part-time work and the many millions who’ve just given up. Considering the actual “workforce” of the United States is about 140 million people total — the […]

Rand Paul was once a cool guy named Randy who did pranks in college, we learned on Monday, and also he allegedly kidnapped some lady and made her get high and worship “Aqua Buddha.” Now she has clarified her remarks, and it turns out this was just some sort of 70′s role-playing thing. “[They] came […]

Wisconsin’s fastest rising star, Republican U.S. Senate candidate Ernest J. Pagels, Jr., became Internet-famous this afternoon after the discovery of his brilliant political ad on YouTube. Now, with the help of Wonkette operatives, more has been found about this great American. He previously ran for Congress in 2004, for one. And also he has done […]

Former chair of the Florida Republican Party Jim Greer, most “famous” nationally for flipping out over Obama’s socialist plan to tell American children “education is good for you” on their first day of school last year, was “arrested Wednesday morning at his home, though charges against the disgraced chairman were not immediately available.” Indeed, anyone […]

Wonkette operative Bearbloke just sent the newsroom a very troubling message: “My mate in California informed me that his father is a FULL-BLOWN Birther candidate for the U.S. Senate from Kentucky, running for Sen. Bunning’s seat in today’s primary election!” Check out Gurley Martin, who has two loves: fine ass women and fancy cars. But […]

Remember how a few months ago the only paying jobs available in all of Americaland were “Census taker” jobs? And you were like, “Hey, I know how to use pencils and take notes. I should do that!” Then you closed your eyes and envisioned a man resembling Ted Nugent shooting at you for bringing your […]

“SHEP SMITH: So, they’re saying basically, they’re in there — It sounds as if what they’re saying is, they’re looking for some ACORN hanky panky and they try to tap into Mary Landrieu’s telephone to get it. “VAUGHN: That could be one way of looking at it, yes. “[ACTUAL BEAR GROWL]” IN SUM: Your honor, […]

Former Bush administration Deputy Counsel John Michael Farren is enjoying his calmer, post-political private sector life in Connecticut so much that last night he just went ahead and beat the crap out of his wife with a flashlight before trying to strangle her to death and ultimately kill himself. PROBLEM HOWEVER: both he and his […]

The world’s most crime-ridden capitol city, dirty old rat-filth Washington DC, won another hospitality award last night when the 22-year-old daughter of Senator Bob Corker (R-TN) got carjacked and thrown to the street by a couple of thugs. She’s okay, and police found both her Chevy Tahoe and “two suspects” in Maryland, but jesus. Last […]