Here is the comical crook Rod Blagojevich saying on Monday that he doesn’t mind if his conversations are taped, but he would sort of prefer it if people told him first, before they started taping. This frigging guy. [YouTube]

• K STREET BANK LOOTED: Somebody robbed the PNC Bank at 14th and K. Obviously it was lobbyists driven insane with fear that they will all turn into impoverished destitute train-ridin’ hobos once Barack Nobama comes to town and taxes them for working hard. Either that or, you know, bank robbers, either one. Thanks to Rebecca for bringing this terrible pillage and plunder to our attention. (Update: You are right, whoever pointed out that link was to a different robbery. Banks are getting robbed, everywhere. Who even knows if the PNC at 14th and K actually got robbed? Only “Rebecca.”)

• Apparent 1980s Orlando club owner Paul Strauss, who moonlights as a DC “Shadow Senator”—an entirely unreal position he’s sometimes leveraged in attempts to hook up with Hayden Panetierre—acted like he was a real Senator during a recent DUI arrest. [DCist]
• Rent out your apartment for thousands of dollars to Inauguration goers, the whole city is doing it! [DCist]
• Hooray now buses, called “Circulators” apparently, will run through Adams Morgan. [DC Examiner]
• Sexy thievery went terribly awry when some sunglassed mastermind stole a million bras but left behind her cell phone, which conveniently held artsy self-portraits. [WTOP]
• A firefighter has been arrested for starting a fire that he was later called to fight. [Washington Post]

In addition to his shamefully abandoned 20-years-younger half brother who he met exactly once, Barack Obama also has a grandmother living in Kenya. (This is the lady you used to see photographed with a chicken all the time.) This grandmother has a solar panel on her roof, and thieves tried to steal it under cover of darkness, and now Mrs. Obama fears for her life. What business does Al Gore have terrorizing Barack Obama’s grandmother like that? [Daily Nation]

• THEY’RE MORE LIKE ‘GUIDELINES’: Attorney General Michael Mukasey announced today that former Justice Department officials like Monica Goodling will not face prosecution for hiring D.O.J. staffers based explicitly on their political views — i.e. how many awesome things they could say about Alberto Gonzalez in 20-second lightning round interviews. Mukasey’s statement came replete with a classic Bush Administration sound bite: “not every wrong, or even every violation of the law, is a crime.” Ha ha, the top legal official in the country just said that “violation of the law” and “crime” are different. [AP]

Today, a federal grand jury indicted Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens on seven counts of “filing false financial disclosures.” Stevens is the biggest catch in a four-year-old corruption investigation involving pretty much all Alaskan politicians, one that’s complicated not because of the crimes committed — lots of bribery, basically — but because there was so freaking much crime to investigate. His indictment comes almost exactly a year after federal agents raided his home, and now he will go to jail and lose his Senate seat and remind everyone how evil the powerful Republicans are. MORE »

Readers may remember the sad tale of Vincent Koley, the 74-year-old FEMA contractor who, while on a relief dispatch to flooded Iowa, hit some guy with his car and then beat him up with a golf club, all the while claiming that he could do as he pleased because he was “with FEMA.” Koley has denied saying that last part and says that the story is “all wrong,” except for such minor details as him hitting a guy with his car and then beating him up with golf clubs. But Koley remains in good spirits despite “all that,” because this modicum of local/Internet fame might finally get him into showbiz! Hollywood pitchers and the like! MORE »

Hey, the Governor of New York runs a prostitution ring of sex prostitutes! The New York Times says this is true! This is funny because Eliot Spitzer was supposedly Mr. “I will crack down on the prostitution rings,” but he apparently really meant “I will destroy the competition.” Speculate wildly as to what this is all about, if you like! [New York Times]

For the second time since September, burglars struck Mitt Romney’s fancy campaign headquarters in Boston. While the original criminals got away with a bunch of computers and a plasma teevee, the losers arrested at 1 a.m. this morning only managed to take a MacBook laptop. Also, this morning’s burglars were drunk. “When the suspects opened the car doors,” the Boston Globe reports, “two open bottles of Budweiser tumbled to the ground.” MORE »

The Clintons are different than you, because they are rich and powerful and scheming and crazy, and everyone around them dies strange and horrible deaths. That’s the word from CBS News today, with this great story about Mr. and Mrs. C’s wacky neighbor in Chappaqua. Seems that disbarred lawyer Carlos Perez-Olivo is accused of brutally executing his wife last year, for one of his girlfriend’s birthdays or something. This is the same dude that attacked some reporters asking about the extremely mysterious death of his wife. These people are all sick.

Accused Clinton Neighbor Admits Affairs [CBS News]

Some savvy flatfoots in Prince George’s County, Maryland got all excited over the weekend for a drug raid, because who wouldn’t!? In their glee, however, they overlooked the fine point of “correct addresses” and raided the house two doors down from the suspect. Instead of apologizing to the homeowners for the mistake, however, they shot and killed their dog. MORE »