crime

It’s maybe too late to stop people from getting all carried away, but wackaloon WND writer and frequent Fox News guest Erik Rush just wants to inject a note of caution into all this hoopla over the passing of Nelson Mandela. Oh, sure, people say he was a great man and all, but isn’t all […]

Welcome again, Wonktopia, to the bloody charnel house of American gun culture. The stench of suppurating wounds and rotting, gangrenous flesh hangs in the air like gunpowder after the shootout at the O.K. Corral. Watch your step, there are corpses and severed limbs lying all over the place. Would this be an ironic moment for […]

Amoebic dysentery vector Laura Ingraham celebrated the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom yesterday by chatting with Pat Buchanan about black-on-white crime, fretting that liberals were stealing the legacy of Martin Luther King, and cutting off a recording of a speech by civil rights hero John Lewis with the sound […]

Constitutional scholar, NRA board member, and serial fact assaulter Ted Nugent, miraculously still neither dead nor in jail, would just like America to know that we do not need to fear easy access to guns by ordinary Americans like Adam Lanza (no prior convictions) or James Holmes (no priors) or Jared Loughner (possession of drug […]

Listen up, teenagers — the world is trying to teach you shit every day, and you are too busy with your Nintendos and Boone’s Farm to see it. The Boston bombing, for example, was chock full of life lessons, and since you are too distracted by Pop Tarts and the Ninja Turtles to take heed, […]

Hey, did you know that Congressman Darrell Issa invented your neighbor’s car alarm, the one that goes off for hours at a time, because your neighbor is a fucking asshole? Congressman Darrell Issa got the idea for a car alarm after a satisfying career as a car robber and arsonist. He made hundreds of millions […]

The FBI Houston Division is on the hunt! A bandit has cleaned out the vault at a Wells Fargo bank and escaped on horseback — some say up to Cheyenne Town, others say out Callyforney-way. Who is this rogue, bringing his most unseemly disposition to the local financiers of Houston City? Could he be… the […]

Very funny and extremely handsome man Matthew Boyle, who does not at all look like he secretly installs toilet-cams in Foggy Bottom Starbuckses, made a funny with which he is very smugly pleased, judging by his sexpot lady journo Twitter pic.

Archvillain stereotypes David and Charles Koch are reportedly furious because rival New York billionaire Mike Bloomberg’s media machine is reportedly about to publish some big scandal story that proves the Koch Bros. are even worse than previously thought. So what are the libertarian heroes accused of now? Eating the hearts of Christian babies? Jacking off […]

It is not news that Future Sheriff-in-Chief Rick Perry enjoys murdering Mexicans, for sport. That is why Michele Bachmann is probably having a shame-based pill binge, right this very minute, while watching her already-questionable relevance get flushed further and further down the State Fair Porta-Johns. But Rick Perry knows that in order to win 2012, […]

Here is the new ultimatum people are putting to themselves: is it better to be in prison on a felony charge with some health care, or dead? Or put another way, “America 2011: crime or death.” 59-year-old delivery driver James Varone was not able to obtain medical treatment for a chest protrusion after losing his […]

Loverboy creep John Edwards spent nearly a million dollars in campaign donations — money given by liberal Democrats to this man’s presidential campaign — to keep his mistress and love child living in style all while pretending to be a loyal family man out to help working people. Sure, it is not a crime that’s […]

The world’s largest retailer for the world’s largest customers, Wal-Mart, has decided to open four stores in the Nation’s Capital. For one (usually good) reason or another — China, jobs, lead poisoning, the destruction of entire American towns — people who have never had to suffer the fate of buying Wal-Mart boxes of corn-syrup Phat […]

Scooter crime: Michigan edition. Investigators said Perkins was attempting to leave the Rochester Road Meijer with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise when her cart got stuck and she was unable to drive out the door. [...] Perkins — approximately 5 foot 2 and 400 pounds — shoved a loss prevention officer and […]

Are you headed to Washington for the big comedy rally we are having in lieu of possessing any grand ambition, moral beliefs or personal dignity? Hooray, hope you like Sheryl Crow a lot! Also: Hope you don’t get shot by the armed & dangerous lunatic firing on anything he thinks is a U.S. Marine or […]