Tag Archives: crew

  poor babies

Guess Which Whiny Crybaby Congressjerk Wants A Pay Raise This Time

Congress
Just to prove that Republicans do not have a monopoly on dick moves, Florida Rep. Alcee Hastings, who is ostensibly a Democrat — the kind who won’t campaign against Republicans — is the latest member of Congress to whine about how underpaid he is, it’s so unfair, members of Congress can barely survive on their six-figure salaries, waaaaaaaah: Read more on Guess Which Whiny Crybaby Congressjerk Wants A Pay Raise This Time…
  He's trying to do the right thing be nice

Aaron Schock’s Ass Writes Check For Downton Abbey Office, US Treasury Cashes It

Hello, hot Republican boyfriend Aaron Schock, what are we doing with our time today? Oh, me? Nothing, just checking in with you. Oh, you finally had to write a check to the United States Treasury for that free-stylin’ Downton Abbey office your friend Annie Brahler made for you? That sucks, I thought we were going to go to Bali on a sexy trip, maybe get photographer Jonathon to take some sweet-ass pictures of us riding dolphins side by side while high-fiving each other, guess we’ll have to put that on OUR BUCKET LIST for later when we have more money, RUDE: Read more on Aaron Schock’s Ass Writes Check For Downton Abbey Office, US Treasury Cashes It…
  Wonkette stays on top of Aaron Schock

Aaron Schock Hires Nice Lawyers To Fix All His Not-Gay Ethics Violations

We're sure he'll find a way to Shake This Off too.
Oh, Aaron Schock, we have so missed reporting on you for the last three days or so! But we are back, because things continue to go poorly for you, you dumb, cuddly animal, and we promise we will not leave your side again, as long as you keep doing dumb, cuddly things. Read more on Aaron Schock Hires Nice Lawyers To Fix All His Not-Gay Ethics Violations…
  You are in violation of Congress's "No Free Sconces" policy!

Aaron Schock Might Get Gayest Ethics Violation Ever

(Ben Terris / The Washington Post) Oh, ho, ho, so you know how yesterday we were talking about that thing by the campfire, about how sexy wingnut Aaron Schock, who is not gay, got one of his favorite interior decorators to make him a fancy new non-gay office that looked like the red room in Downton Abbey, a show that he claims never to have seen? Read more on Aaron Schock Might Get Gayest Ethics Violation Ever…
  the jerk store called and it is running out of biden

Mean Jerk Joe Biden Didn’t Send Aide A Thank-You Note Until He Asked, And Other Halloween Tales Of Horror

Sorry, old ladies, but Old Handsome Joe Biden may be old and he may be handsome, but he is NOT the world’s greatest lover of all humanity (especially old ladies) that you think he is! Once, he didn’t even send one of his aides, this swell fellow Jeff Connaughton, a thank-you note for fundraising for him until Connaughton “dropped a hint that he wanted one.” And another time, Connaughton became a lobbyist, and Joe Biden never “lifted a finger” to help the newly minted lobbyist’s clients! There is a whole book what has been wrote on these terrible slights that Mean Jerk Joe Biden did to this incredibly loyal fellow, and Politico has written about it, and we have copy and pasted the “good bits” (the ENRAGING bits!!!) of Joe Biden’s Mean Jerkness. Be prepared to put away your love for Joe Biden as with all other childish things, because you will be shaking your head at the man’s cold ambition and coldness and refusal to help lobbyists. Like, what is the world EVEN COMING TO? Read more on Mean Jerk Joe Biden Didn’t Send Aide A Thank-You Note Until He Asked, And Other Halloween Tales Of Horror…
  exclusive guest lists

Meet All Of Obama’s Secret Friends And Playdates!

Awhile ago Barack Obama decided he was going to be America’s first Transparent President. This was fine because of how benign it was, for him to claim that. Like, sure! Anyway, then in June, things became ILLEGALLY OPAQUE when Obama announced that he, like Bush, would not be releasing the White House visitor log. Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington didn’t think this deliberate withholding of information was so transparent at all actually, so they sued Obama, demanding he better start living up to the “Most Transparent” superlative that was awarded to him in good faith by the all the seniors on yearbook committee. Of course CREW did not win its lawsuit (obviously), but now Obama is releasing the White House visitors’ logs anyway. Read more on Meet All Of Obama’s Secret Friends And Playdates!…
  bin laden came over for finger sandwiches

Obama Is Acting Unacceptably Cagey About White House Visitors’ Records

President Obama, the consummate host and entertainer, loves to have guests at his fancy DC mansion. But who are these guests, and why do they visit? Are they there for, like, orgies, or to lobby him on “clean coal” technology? A LADY NEVER TELLS. Read more on Obama Is Acting Unacceptably Cagey About White House Visitors’ Records…
  justice delayed

Palin Cleared Of Wrongdoing In Expensive-Clothes Scandal That Rocked Nation

Sarah Palin’s long sartorial nightmare is over, as the Federal Election Commission finally decided that the bazillions of dollars spent on her pacifiers, Italian couture jackets, and Victoria’s Secret lingerie were legal. Palin’s clothes did not constitute “personal use of campaign funds” because the funds in question came from the RNC instead of the McCain/Palin campaign. Read more on Palin Cleared Of Wrongdoing In Expensive-Clothes Scandal That Rocked Nation…
 

CREW Lists 22 Most Corrupt Lawmakers, 2 Grossest

The funniest thing about CREW’s annual (only annual? We feel like we’ve seen four of these lists this year alone) list of the most corrupt congresspeople is that you can apparently make the “Dishonorable Mention” list just by fucking a whore or trying to fuck a cop. And congratulations to the token Democrats on the list, William Jefferson, Alan Mollohan, John Murtha, and David Scott. HOW COME TWO OF THEM ARE BLACK, HUH? Congratulations also to California, our most corrupt state. Better luck next time, New Mexico! Beyond DeLay Read more on CREW Lists 22 Most Corrupt Lawmakers, 2 Grossest…
 

Today in Mark Foley: Summer of Love

(Your guide to the scandal so far is here) Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington received the creepy emails back in July, and promptly alerted the FBI (not us?). The FBI did… nothing. CREW has posted their initial email to the FBI and the emails from the Louisiana Page to whomever he first alerted about the aborted come-on. It looks like those went to someone at the office of his Representative, Rodney Alexander. This was in August of 2005. Shortly thereafter, Reps. Hastert, Alexander, and Shimkus (chairman of the House Page Board) all knew about the emails, and as we’d assume they’re caught up on Washington gossip, they had to suspect that it might’ve been a bit more than friendliness. By the start of this year, add Boehner and Tom Reynolds to that list. Read more on Today in Mark Foley: Summer of Love…