cretins

Hilarious radio satirist Rush Limbaugh pulled his biggest prank on far-right AM radio listeners and the entire Republican Party last week, when he took the GOP fringe-right religious-fanatic attack on birth control and turned it into a full Republican attack on all women. Now, as advertisers abandon the radio program and the GOP presidential candidates […]

One thing about patriarchal religions of the ancient Middle East — like, say, “Sharia Law” or “American Catholicism” — is that the menfolk don’t like the womenfolk having any control of their own bodies or lives. That’s why there was a predictable outrage over the Obama Administration’s long-planned addition of basic family planning medicine to […]

Texas Governor Rick Perry had not been drinking in public or smoking marijuana in front of people or gobbling “back pills,” according to the leader of the conservative group that hosted Perry’s rambling, drunken speech over the weekend. “I can tell you unequivocally he wasn’t drinking at the event and he hadn’t been drinking prior […]

Oh lookee, the nation’s primary employer of high-school dropouts stealing your laptop and feeling up your 13-year-old daughter in airport security lines now says it’s “irresponsible” for you to opt-out of being stuck into a dangerous radiation chamber that produces x-ray porno pictures of Americans paying hundreds or thousands of dollars to fly on a […]

In other, non-election (?) news from West Virginia, this apparently happened: According to the complaint, Danny and Watson told Mellinger that Melissa came to the apartment intoxicated, asked each of them to perform a sexual act on her and took off her pants and underwear, which Mellinger observed lying on the floor at her feet. […]

What drove you bonkers this morning, so far? A stale three-dollar bagel with half-defrosted cream cheese? Not having a job at all? Did the cretins next door — the ones with the tattoos around their mouths and five kids crawling around pooping in the weeds — stay up all night blasting “Godsmack” and fighting their […]

Carly Fiorina is already abusing her lifelong “you can’t make fun of my hair because I had cancer” privileges by savagely mocking the hair of actual senator Barbara Boxer. What’s Carly’s excuse? Oh gosh, she didn’t know those broadcast microphones and video cameras pointed at her were turned on. Watch the shameful video.

WalMart! There is nothing quite like a blood riot in a WalMart to make you want to go anywhere else, even Afghanistan. Enjoy this footage from “Black Friday,” the magic day in America when the citizens don’t even pretend to be human. [YouTube]

HOUSEKEEPING  10:48 pm June 2, 2009

by Ken Layne

BAN-HAMMER OF THE GODS: Folks, things have become a bit intolerable in our previously fun & funny comments section. You should know better, etc., but for the sake of Good Manners we’re going to repeat some very basic rules.

Ha ha George Will: “Today it is silly for Americans whose closest approximation of physical labor consists of loading their bags of clubs into golf carts to go around in public dressed for driving steers up the Chisholm Trail to the railhead in Abilene.” It’s funny because it’s sort of true! We are a nation […]

Everybody was so excited when what’s his name, Atlantic child wonder Ross Douthat, got Bill Kristol’s spot in the New York Times. We’re still kind of angry about the NYT taking away one of our easiest weekly comedy bits, so no hurrahs from your Wonkette. Also, this Ross Douthat does seem to be that most […]

During his tenure in office, George Bush created more than a housing bubble: he also fostered an “employment bubble” for high-functioning idiots, who were awarded fancy jobs in his administration and have since departed in shame and ignominy. Exhibit A: the hapless cretin, unemployed loser, and only Bush administration toady not to get a zillion […]

Have you ever been at a party and had a swell time drinking fancy drinks with nifty folks and suddenly you look up, it’s 3:30 in the morning, all the cool kids have gone home, and you’re stuck on a pee-stained couch drinking vodka and milk cocktails with a pimpled, silent loser pawing your knee? […]

AMERICA'S WORST GOVERNOR  2:38 am October 15, 2008

by Ken Layne

REMEMBER DRUNKY McRAPEY? Jim Gibbons is this incredibly dull/stupid cretin-crook Republican congressman who somehow became governor of Nevada, in the middle of some awful cheap sex-assault scandal. Now his wife has finally left him, the Feds are investigating all his crookedness, people are noticing that he hasn’t actually shown up to work this year, and […]

(Every year on this rotten day, we repeat this beloved 9/11 feature, sort of like how “A Charlie Brown Christmas” plays on the teevee every December.) On this solemn day a half-dozen years ago, nearly 3,000 people were horribly killed so that Rudy Giuliani could earn a hundred million dollars and run for president of […]