That’s Jefferson Davis, in the picture! Nearly 150 years ago, Jefferson Davis moved to Richmond, Virginia to become the first president of a new country where slaves could still pick the cotton, and indigo. Davis’ run came to an end eight years ago, when Democrat Mark Warner stole Davis’ Richmond mansion and all of its slaves. Democrat Tim Kaine did the same to Mark Warner four years later. But now it is Republican Bob McDonnell’s turn to take the mansion and slaves back from the liberals, the end. Polls close in a few minutes! Wolf Blitzer says he is “so excited,” oh ho ho… MORE »

Today in the “comical e-mail press releases that make for easy posts” file we have this, the latest terrible Twitter thing about nothing. Apparently Bob McDonnell is an asexual robot while Creigh Deeds is a suicidal pederast, on Twitter: “Front-runner McDonnell is much more ‘plugged in’ and less ‘depressed’ than Deeds; but Deeds is noticeably more touchy-feely (45% sensory category) in his Tweets than McDonnell (33%).” This explains everything about politics. Thank you, Science!

See what’s going on above? That would be Bob McDonnell crushing the dickens out of Creigh Deeds, in Virginia. Fine, go ahead, win tomorrow, anything to get these dreadful four-per-commercial-break ads (”I will fix the roads” “No I will fix the roads” “You hate women” “I will fix the women and roads,” etc. ) off the air. And how has McDonnell built up such a lead? By not accepting any of Sarah Palin’s offers to campaign with him, for one! This will not stop egomaniacal Sarah Palin from secretly campaigning for McDonnell through a third party, however. Just Sarah bein’ Sarah! MORE »

The Virginia governor’s race is heating up, and… oh look, Creigh Deeds is still getting his ass kicked. What to do now? Maybe just start acting like the Republican candidate, since the Republican one is doing so well! Here are a bunch of “real Americans” telling us such things as: “I know Creigh Deeds, and he opposes that cap-and-trade bill.” That devil-bill. [Ben Smith]

The — THE — most important and objectively true and super necessary ironclad rule in Washington Politics is that if someone powerful tries in any way to help a fellow human win something but then that fellow human ends up losing for whatever reason, the powerful person is ergo very very weak and disgraceful and had better resign out of humiliation. David Broder himself etched this rule into the original Bible. And so Barack Obama will campaign for Gov. Jon Corzine in New Jersey, where the race is deadlocked, but only record a a dinky phone message or two (at least for now) in Virginia for Creigh Deeds, who is going to lose. MORE »

• One hundred years from now, school children will marvel at how obtuse Americans in 2009 really were. “How could they not have known Barack Obama was a Reptilian Shapeshifter?” the children will ask. And then their civics teacher Mr. Floyd will chuckle and reply, “They were very stupid. Very very stupid.” [True/Slant: Harmon Leon]
• Meanwhile, Michelle Obama goes on Sesame Street. But does she compose an awesome song about geometry, just like Philip Glass did? [The Caucus]
• Glenn Beck is the loneliest man on the earth. [Think Progress]
• Is it at all surprising that Creigh Deeds loves taxes more than he loves his children, but also hates Democracy with all his heart? No. No, it is not. [RedState]
• There is serious money to be made disrespecting Republicans. Just ask Alan Grayson, who is now officially rich. [TPM]

• “Imagine a United States Senate with Michael Williams, Pat Toomey, and Marco Rubio. Now imagine Pat Toomey massaging your naked body with Skippy peanut butter, as Marco’s moist testicles rest on your face … We can make all that a reality.” [RedState]
• The Associated Press has bought the rights to “Thomas Jefferson.” © Associated Press. [Hit & Run]
• Are you a senator? A House member? Maybe a governor? Well come on down to Nevada’s exclusive BunnyRanch Harem and enjoy the free petting zoo! [TPM]
• Fire-safe cigarettes? Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em! [Andrew Sullivan]
• After arguing bitterly with Jefferson Davis about how many slaves you can fit in the hull of a schooner, Creigh Deeds seceded from the Confederate States of America. And that is how 10 acres in rural Virginia became known as Deeds Country. [NRO: The Campaign Spot]

Democratic rum-bag and Clinton-era haircut Terry McAuliffe has lost his dumb race to be the Dem nominee for Virginia governor. Nate Silver, the human abacus, called it for somebody named “R. Creigh Deeds” a while ago, and now the rest of the Political Media are repeating it: Deeds will win by some large ratio. MORE »

Nate Silver and the nerdlingtons at FiveThirtyEight are liveblogging the Virginia election results (which are hidden and secret) and have called it, meaning it is officially over, by law: “7:45 EDT [Nate]: OK, the 538 decision desk is calling this one for R. Creigh Deeds. Almost half the vote is in, and although we’re a little bit light on turnout from areas like Richmond, neither Moran nor McAuliffe is doing anywhere near as well as they’d need to to make up for Deeds’ large advantage. It’s really a battle for second place at this point.” MORE, Silver, MUSH MUSH! MORE »

Virginia sure is a hot ticket today! Ha ha, Terry McAuliffe’s a nut. Let’s check out a few more photos our lovely Virginia operatives sent in of the most important local Democratic gubernatorial primary since Doug Duncan went insane and dropped out against Martin O’Malley in Maryland in 2006!!!!! MORE »

• SEND US YOUR SEXY VOTING DAY PICS: Hey it is primary day for Virginia libtards, a very exciting day indeed, so maybe send us photos of your rain-soaked polling stations and we will post them! It is always fun to see what’s going on in America, particularly in places where people hang out with Bitters and Olds in the middle of terrible lightnings and thunderstorms. Send your hot pixxx to tips@wonkette.com with subject line JIM NEWELL TOLD ME TO VOTE FOR CREIGH DEEDS.